Dear Relatives
its is a tough day here at the GMa house its really cold. which is becoming normal it is however kind of fun to go out and break off an icicle for a coke when I need a special treat ! to me it is fun and it is thanking the spirits and the wind and the sun and the water for that beautiful way of giving for reflection and pleasure
I dont have much pleasure in my body right now my hands that have been so wonderful and so talented all my life are killing me. they hurt so much today so much. I spent hours over the last several days making christmas cookies for the guys who worked on the house I have no other way to thank them for their generosity in this season of giving. besides I have always loved cooking. before I went to veterinary school I was a chef soup and salad but at home it was baking that I was best at. baking is about putting love into the flour mix and the timing it is about love and heat heat makes the final change that brings out what we are unable to do by just putting differences in the same mix heat brings a chemical change when we use our hands and hearts to work into the dish or the cookie or the bread an intention an intention that is recognized by the specifics of the flour, eggs, butter, water, salt fruit, pepper, spice, leavening, and sugar
I am sure that flour is quite happy being quiet and perfect in its sack, and how could the perfection of an orange ever be improved on if you break open its skin, scrape its rind, crush its beautiful segments into juice ? and salt such a small powerful concentrated changer of hydration thrown into an environment that it is at once out of balance with and so small up against so much, all these things sitting as they are in the kitchen dreaming their dreams of their oneness, then along comes a cooks hands and in seeing what they cannot see inside themselves or around in their relation to other things pours and beats and whips and shapes them into something that without each other they cannot achieve. and as the hands combine the nature of these temporal abilities into the mix that is set with intention and hard work encourages the individual natures of the parts to change, to come together for something that without each other they cannot be then the hands themselves change the hands and heart of the cook become more than they were without the work. when we work steadfast for a long time then the encouragement of that effort is felt and held by all we touch and although flour can be many things even glue on that one day in that particular mix through effort and sustained steady gentle encouragement and finally into the oven into the fire of change all that effort and intention coalesces, it becomes what the chef desires through love to give away to others it becomes a cookie
today was also hard for me because I had to break an illusion and I had to take the ingredients that were presented to me in a loving way, and crush them, disarticulate them, and remix them into a mirror that could perhaps prevent another loss of life in a family. it was not what was expected of me I am sure. but it is the work that was presented today and it is this work in our kitchens of our lives relatives that will change our world. it is the work that crushes and consumes the illusion of loss and of the temporal trap of this life that frees both our lives and those around us to be what we ourselves are born to be not, what others need us to be. I had to try and be the fire that burns up illusion and sheds light into a temporal dark place it is not my favorite thing to do but it must be done it is the work that tills the garden and changes the harvest we have to have a better harvest relatives. ever since i was little I have been the one to hold the mirror to the thing that breaks the illusion of our temporal waywardness it has cost me relations with others and I have thought all day about sharing this conversation on the blog
so I decided to do it to make the cookie and give it away
i received an email this am from someone I respect and whom has a strong love and heart and in my experience is strong enough to be the giver of this teaching for all of us so I celebrate her willingness to be honest and to ask and to listen I celebrate the opportunity she gave for all of us to learn from her life. this is her and my and the spirits gift to you today relatives please chew on it and reflect in it and then go out and cook with it
its is a tough day here at the GMa house its really cold. which is becoming normal it is however kind of fun to go out and break off an icicle for a coke when I need a special treat ! to me it is fun and it is thanking the spirits and the wind and the sun and the water for that beautiful way of giving for reflection and pleasure
I dont have much pleasure in my body right now my hands that have been so wonderful and so talented all my life are killing me. they hurt so much today so much. I spent hours over the last several days making christmas cookies for the guys who worked on the house I have no other way to thank them for their generosity in this season of giving. besides I have always loved cooking. before I went to veterinary school I was a chef soup and salad but at home it was baking that I was best at. baking is about putting love into the flour mix and the timing it is about love and heat heat makes the final change that brings out what we are unable to do by just putting differences in the same mix heat brings a chemical change when we use our hands and hearts to work into the dish or the cookie or the bread an intention an intention that is recognized by the specifics of the flour, eggs, butter, water, salt fruit, pepper, spice, leavening, and sugar
I am sure that flour is quite happy being quiet and perfect in its sack, and how could the perfection of an orange ever be improved on if you break open its skin, scrape its rind, crush its beautiful segments into juice ? and salt such a small powerful concentrated changer of hydration thrown into an environment that it is at once out of balance with and so small up against so much, all these things sitting as they are in the kitchen dreaming their dreams of their oneness, then along comes a cooks hands and in seeing what they cannot see inside themselves or around in their relation to other things pours and beats and whips and shapes them into something that without each other they cannot achieve. and as the hands combine the nature of these temporal abilities into the mix that is set with intention and hard work encourages the individual natures of the parts to change, to come together for something that without each other they cannot be then the hands themselves change the hands and heart of the cook become more than they were without the work. when we work steadfast for a long time then the encouragement of that effort is felt and held by all we touch and although flour can be many things even glue on that one day in that particular mix through effort and sustained steady gentle encouragement and finally into the oven into the fire of change all that effort and intention coalesces, it becomes what the chef desires through love to give away to others it becomes a cookie
but it takes heat it takes the fire to make the final change relatives
and it takes a pan that is willing no matter how much the dough cries as the heat gets more and more unbearable as everything changes it takes a pan that will hold the dough in the fire to make the transformation into a cookie
today was also hard for me because I had to break an illusion and I had to take the ingredients that were presented to me in a loving way, and crush them, disarticulate them, and remix them into a mirror that could perhaps prevent another loss of life in a family. it was not what was expected of me I am sure. but it is the work that was presented today and it is this work in our kitchens of our lives relatives that will change our world. it is the work that crushes and consumes the illusion of loss and of the temporal trap of this life that frees both our lives and those around us to be what we ourselves are born to be not, what others need us to be. I had to try and be the fire that burns up illusion and sheds light into a temporal dark place it is not my favorite thing to do but it must be done it is the work that tills the garden and changes the harvest we have to have a better harvest relatives. ever since i was little I have been the one to hold the mirror to the thing that breaks the illusion of our temporal waywardness it has cost me relations with others and I have thought all day about sharing this conversation on the blog
so I decided to do it to make the cookie and give it away
i received an email this am from someone I respect and whom has a strong love and heart and in my experience is strong enough to be the giver of this teaching for all of us so I celebrate her willingness to be honest and to ask and to listen I celebrate the opportunity she gave for all of us to learn from her life. this is her and my and the spirits gift to you today relatives please chew on it and reflect in it and then go out and cook with it
Lets turn up the heat!
Hi Mary,I think about you every day and pray for your wellness and ease in this life journey.Today is the XX year anniversary of my husband's death. He died suddenly here at home, in the shower , in his birthday suit ; he passed on. My son and I did CPR but he never came back. He was my best friend and continues to be in spirit. Our Granddaughter, YYYY, was born XX years ago on this same day.I have a personal tattoo question for you and hope it is ok to ask. Both of our kids want to take some of their Dad's ashes and have the ashes put into a tattoo to honor him. Did you do this with your sister's ashes ? They both have tattoos already.Please keep me posted about how you are doing.Love and Merry Christmas,
Date: December 23, 2012 10:50:03 AM CST
Dear GMa XX
thanx for the note and the prayers today is a great day I feel better today
anniversaries are always with us aren't they. It sounds like you and he will continue to have a good and growing companionship. One of my good friends also lost her husband exactly the same way only it was 15 years ago. two years ago (13 after his death) he came to her in ceremony and asked her to let him go let him have his next way and for her to go on with her life. she saw that what they had will always be but that there is more to do and if she would release them both then they could continue on. she is doing so finally and has healed which is good
about your granddaughter however I have a different thought altogether, I would let my granddaughter have something more than that definition for her life. Her beginning belongs to her and the spirits not your husbands death or anything temporal. it is hard enough as it is for a child to throw off or to outlive others memories and expectations that get put on them the minute they arrive. don't define her with your and his past let her define herself
as for the ashes and tattoos
what they do is for them to decide also what I did with my part of my sisters bones is private for me and not to be used to help others make decisions about their own choices
it sounds to me like they also are stuck in the past and missing the point of why they had a father in the first place my memorial tattoos were to take away spiritual pain from my sisters burden of disease from her spirit and to make a commitment to live well now to survive and to live a good life even in the face of trauma, loss, pain, shitty parents, and selfish hateful siblings that are the farthest thing from spiritual in their way of living and relating to this world. my tattoos about her and the loss of my dog were about the transformation of death into life and about living every day the life I was given not the one that others agendas or memories or expectations or limitations tried to put on me. you might think about that for you and for them and for your grandkids why is it that what you choose to relate to me about these children is about your husbands death? instead of their life and why is it that they have grown up thinking the way to be close to him is by putting dead ash in living skin?
as for tattoos I would wonder why they want the ashes in their skin when they have their fathers DNA already in every cell? perhaps they have forgotten? and this is what happens when we become caught in memory and fixing importance and attachment to things or clothes or bones or shells of memories that hold spirits this is what happens to our children when we do not teach them that life is sacred and inside of each cell is the living gift of opportunity and when parents and grandparents don't let go of that life force and let us really have our lives.
thanx for the note and the prayers today is a great day I feel better today
anniversaries are always with us aren't they. It sounds like you and he will continue to have a good and growing companionship. One of my good friends also lost her husband exactly the same way only it was 15 years ago. two years ago (13 after his death) he came to her in ceremony and asked her to let him go let him have his next way and for her to go on with her life. she saw that what they had will always be but that there is more to do and if she would release them both then they could continue on. she is doing so finally and has healed which is good
about your granddaughter however I have a different thought altogether, I would let my granddaughter have something more than that definition for her life. Her beginning belongs to her and the spirits not your husbands death or anything temporal. it is hard enough as it is for a child to throw off or to outlive others memories and expectations that get put on them the minute they arrive. don't define her with your and his past let her define herself
as for the ashes and tattoos
what they do is for them to decide also what I did with my part of my sisters bones is private for me and not to be used to help others make decisions about their own choices
it sounds to me like they also are stuck in the past and missing the point of why they had a father in the first place my memorial tattoos were to take away spiritual pain from my sisters burden of disease from her spirit and to make a commitment to live well now to survive and to live a good life even in the face of trauma, loss, pain, shitty parents, and selfish hateful siblings that are the farthest thing from spiritual in their way of living and relating to this world. my tattoos about her and the loss of my dog were about the transformation of death into life and about living every day the life I was given not the one that others agendas or memories or expectations or limitations tried to put on me. you might think about that for you and for them and for your grandkids why is it that what you choose to relate to me about these children is about your husbands death? instead of their life and why is it that they have grown up thinking the way to be close to him is by putting dead ash in living skin?
as for tattoos I would wonder why they want the ashes in their skin when they have their fathers DNA already in every cell? perhaps they have forgotten? and this is what happens when we become caught in memory and fixing importance and attachment to things or clothes or bones or shells of memories that hold spirits this is what happens to our children when we do not teach them that life is sacred and inside of each cell is the living gift of opportunity and when parents and grandparents don't let go of that life force and let us really have our lives.
I see parents become addicted to that chi when children are being made and then as they grow and blossom rather than guide them and wonder at their own individual interpretation of life you eat it and hold it and control it and temper it and direct it and enmesh it in your own agenda. then still addicted to that eating of chi and consuming and controlling after your children reproduce their children you continue the cycle of eating the child's chi just like in little red riding hood, over and over because you can only see them and relate to others about them according to your past and to the dead ends that only sustain what the japanese call the "hungry ghosts." grandparents and parents like this are being greedy and teaching dependance and a dead end cycle to that life that was given for its own unique purpose and blossoming. that is what I see in your email again that selfish temporal agenda in a family's training and in how a grandparent chooses to relate the world to their grandchild and how that grandchild is being trapped by an identity that she or he had nothing to do with. it is a dead end for her and for them and for you it is not an honorable thing about a body or a person that was here. it is a dead end
so GMa XX if you want to change the world take a good look at your own email to me and how you are relating to your family and change that be brave be courageous to look at recognize and attend to changing your own disease in your own family that you have created. be brave you wanted you said this summer to learn from me well here is the first lesson and task do this suss it out in you and get rid of it get rid of it for your granddaughter
tattoos are permanent but not living like the DNA that your husband already gave his children obviously they have forgotten that their father gave them life to live every day and freed them from his own self and is willing to guide through the DNA structure but not to hold back or control
this is in their body and blood already he can never leave them why is it that you did not teach them that ???
the tattoo for me is about other things so I can give you this reflection but not perpetrate the path you are on.
I hope this helps you and answers your questions of me
I love you and them and I pray for you GMa and for them that next year will be an altogether different kind of day on Dec 23rd
love
mary
so GMa XX if you want to change the world take a good look at your own email to me and how you are relating to your family and change that be brave be courageous to look at recognize and attend to changing your own disease in your own family that you have created. be brave you wanted you said this summer to learn from me well here is the first lesson and task do this suss it out in you and get rid of it get rid of it for your granddaughter
tattoos are permanent but not living like the DNA that your husband already gave his children obviously they have forgotten that their father gave them life to live every day and freed them from his own self and is willing to guide through the DNA structure but not to hold back or control
this is in their body and blood already he can never leave them why is it that you did not teach them that ???
the tattoo for me is about other things so I can give you this reflection but not perpetrate the path you are on.
I hope this helps you and answers your questions of me
I love you and them and I pray for you GMa and for them that next year will be an altogether different kind of day on Dec 23rd
love
mary
bless you relatives
good luck with your children and grandchildren
may your feasts this year be ones of true freedom and skill and love true love
not cannibalistic eh?
be the cook
be the pan
hold the fire
let go of your own greed it will not prevent pain or increase your life it will only consume someone else's
love always
mary
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