Stay in the Heart

good evening relatives

thanx for the notes and the care and the follow through    two significant donations came to the house and thus to you relatives

one is that an anonymous person has committed to paying the internet fee for the house  so when any of you come it will be here available and also we can email and blog now no worries  thank you to this donor  please all of you put out prayer of thank you and tobacco for this ongoing care for all of us

also yesterday the big central board and "brain" of the heating system arrived   an anonymous donor called the heat guy and paid the cost of this important and significant piece of equipment  it is a $2000.00 gift   an amazing donation     please all of you again put out thank yous and spread the word that we are closer to a warm house

so what is left is the heater unit  a takagi Jr indoor gas on demand heater which we can get for ~700.00 plus shipping

the pex tubing and fittings etc which will run about $1100.00

the plywood for sub and suuport flooring ~700.00

and the labor    one of the guys that put the siding on has installed these systems and is very familiar with them has read the plans and is a careful worker with integrity  he cares very much for the house  he is the one that hung the elk medicine and witnessed the rainbow ceremony
I am sorry that I cant do the install now  my arms dont work very well and I cant hold much weight yet

so we have a great start relatives  if you can have a bake sale, or an event or funraiser or know someone who wants to put part on a card let me know I can direct you to the coordinator and also there is the donation site evie and eleanor put up   http://www.donationto.com/GmaBrown
we are close

I am very tired today  lots of work on the phone today  lots of prep for tomorrow nngrandmothers are coming and the firedepartmnet guys are comingover to help make the living areanmore liveable
a topper was dontated for the 67 ford truck (which i currently cant drive LOL no power steering)! and they will put the topper on tomorrow

the ambulance bill came in 610.00 for getting me safefly out of the house to the hospital and then to transport me to sioux falls   kind of a bargain isnt it ?

i am very tired today   I forgot toeat lunch and to take any pain medications   the day gets away from me sometimes

but i wanted to make sure and update you and honor those who have given moneyandtimeand great forwardness of thier lives to yours

center the center and center again
outside the heart
is into the wind


love always mary

the Key to Love

Relatives Relatives relatives

how good to be able to visit again .  thank you for waiting   LOL it took a bit to get up after such a fall
here is a link to check for details
http://www.donationto.com/GmaBrown

it is hard to do the shift for capitals and for spell check so please bear with me ok? my hands and fingers get tired and don't always push just the key I'm looking for  LOL  thanx  

wow a winter of contemplation  in the works

i did order internet finally  it is 26.00 a month for a year and will help me stay connected without going nextdoor in the cold and carrying my computer back and forth  let me know if anyone wants to be in charge of creatign a pool to cover that cost for this work and we can set up getting the payment directly to the internet guys thanx so much  one thing this fall has clearly brought to bear in mind is that everything is so much more smooth with free flowing result if it is shared  by many   when I think of the effort it took to get me on the backboard and my limbs secured and my neck then out of the house into the ambulance and then at the first then second hospital and all the steps from diagnosis triage care then to surgery and recovery etc  i realized how much a team can do.  ive been a veterinarian way too long LOL we do way too much by ourselves. we forget how to accept help.  so much can be accomplished by so many so quickly and less cost to bear when there is a group effort

i want to figure out Gmas how we can be a group effort ?  not fancy and showy  or splashy with great media  just steady and smooth and with endurance eh?  tell me how i can make a difference for you?

yesterday was a hard day for me  I cried finally  lots  and was so painful  i could not find relief yesterday from pain.   what a difference between this old house so far from being done and so LOl well worn out on the one hand and all renewed and full of joy on the other.   and me with two fx arms unable to even carry out the trash or finish the walls.

caught between the reflection of where the vision and the effort must eventually reconcile.  where the little seedling had the choice to push up and reach for the sky after so much work getting through the mud was so hard.  and no one there to witness  no one there to notice the difference the small unnoticed choice makes.

GMas when I read the email notice about the shift hubbard event in austraila; I thought of you and all small beings everywhere every small person in the day choosing now.  not then on the 21st,  not once in an age, but now,  in the unremarkable moment.  we who make the small unnoticed choices every day in my town, your neoghborhood, and yes all across this earth  those who are not celebrated or worldwide connected spangly  they are not what will make the greatest change; you are   if you beleive in you  if you nurthure you and each other in the simple in the small and unnoticed.  that is what creates the fabric of the world every day

 what a difference in that and the choice of getting to the phone no matter what after i fell and the glorious web event that GMa Robbie let us know is going on across the world.  such a difference  like two true opposites  i believe GMas that I make a difference  that the Spirits are right here with me saying "Yes" to me even as i am saying "Yes" to you

i believe GMas, in you, like that.  Yes.    i got up because i believe in you  each one of you  that you count  that each particle of you in its simple plainness going along in the day  in your day as you unfolding the joy of life in your own beautiful special seed is more powerful than any and all events or technolinks any where.  [these things are good not dissing anyone]  but i have laid on the floor with a bleeding face, crushed wrist, broken shoulder, and no heat or comforts or donations from world media or success, i have laid there in great shock and pain recognizing i was being offered an end to all this work GMas and I saw only the beauty and worthwhileness of you.  you as you are in all your simpleness
thank you GMas for showing up
thank you for calling me
for emailing
for sending cards
it mattered and does so much that you let me know that I matter to you
that is why i know it is so important to let you klnow that you matter to me  to everything.
 YOU are the Key to Love

we are very different here in the rock and the grass and the earth and sky than those in the big link events, except in the heart,  in our breath, we all share the same heart, the same breath the same choice in the moment.   that is constant between those folks and this simple house with its  caretaker and the great pipes and Spirits that dwell here  we are strong and steady and full of love  holding the fire for the Cheyenne for you GMa's for the small and simple  we I you  we will hold and carry forth that fire Eh? we will get up so we are not late for work.

it took me 30-40 minutes to inch my way to the phone trying to acknowledge but not dwell in the reality of broken arms and then to get up to the counter and call 911.  by myself i could only manage to stayconcious and reach out for help  i just kept focusing on not going to sleep.  dont go back to sleep GMas.  we are all here all together even as our gatherings seem so long ago we are still at the fire the prayer is still being delivered

i was asked the other day why i accepted a flu shot at the hospital when i have never had one    i said that it was impoertant to take very good care of the love and investment in me that all the medical and emergency people had given to save me and put me back together  to not waste that effort or care or dedication  
but to protect it and nurture it and do my part    like eating sushi or raw vegitables  immediate transfer of life force into a life of care and love direct is best  no waste

as for the flu shot  i have thought about them for years  and am not uneducated about them  what a flu shot really does is not prevent the flu ( a common mis conception) but it is given and designed to protect the recipient from getting secondary complications such as pneumonia from the flu.  the flu is really hard on the body  and it can leave us unprotected from secondary things that can actually kill us like pneumonia.  so the vaccine is designed to lessen the flus ability to wipe out or use up our resources thus protecting us from other snowball or avelanche complications.  cool huh

so to help protect me who was already compromised and thus protect others investment in me i took the shot.    

i think this is pretty good blogness for today  i appreciate you i respect you and pray with the pipes that somehow  you can feel your worth every minute and not waste even a single drop of joy and steadfastness in your day

love peace joy

mary

Remains of the day

Dear Relatives
Hi
I didn't fall off the earth yet, LOL  been very busy so its time to catch-up.  So much has flowed that it may be difficult to get it all in. we will see

Last Thursday the guys had finished enough of the siding on the house to hang the elk medicine skull and horns on the front of the house.  This elk medicine is from my altar and I have been waiting to hang it.  AS soon as the guys finished attaching it to the house, the Thunder Beings came over snowed and rained sharply for about a minute then in the east sky (elk medicine is in the east of the medicine wheel and is for Love and Stamina) there appeared a double rainbow that Filled the entire eastern horizon.  it was so astounding that we all just stopped and stood there watching / looking at it.  it was there for about a half hour then it just disappeared.  Really really good and great LOVE from the Spirit Beings. So once again we are on track.

the next day, last friday,  I rode out to wisconsin to teach class thank you GMa D for your help and tremendous gift of time, energy and money to get us there. Thank you GMa B for all your work to make it happen and to GMa Eleanor of course, thank you to all the GMa's and women that showed UP to do their Work last weekend in wisconsin.  What an amazing time was had by all.  We did an all day predator workshop; looking in the mirror, reviewing personal and self predatory agendas, recognizing the agendas in legacies and stories, and also the vulture mentality vs the phoenix.  then Sat night we discussed holding the fire at Lame Deer and how one sets an intention, builds and holds and watches the fire and maintains that focus no matter what shows up.  again amazing women were there doing their work.   Then on Sunday we were blessed with ceremony from the pipes and then reviewed the teachings in the Kung Fu Panda.  It was an extraordinary weekend.  Quite something. I wrote about it in the draft I found and published called night train.

 

Once home I got ready to drive up to Fargo and take the train to Seattle. I will try and post the pictures from the train later on the blog.
the train was amazing.  I was terrified of it.  everyone was so different than me.  how funny is that, to come face to face with my own comfortableness of being surrounded by all of you; in the reflection of my fear of the Appearance of the people in the station and on the train.  Most of the folks on the train were very diverse.  Most it appeared to me, were, like me, definately in the lower income class of americans.  (Which made it an interesting place to be reflecting on during the election day).  I realized, comng face to face with a fear that I did not know I had, that I was not as free as I thought I was to move about. How interesting is that Relatives.

it was dark 3:30 in the am when I boarded the train  so I got to reflect the remainder of the night on my fear.

In the morning we were well into south Dakota. As I looked out across the plains from the window of the train I could see all the spirits of the buffalo.  They were there, the buffalo spirits, standing  as if their bodies had left, but they did not.  They were standing waiting it appeared, for the connection that would allow them to continue on thier journey. Like being held in Limbo. Like being on the train. In limbo between a world that trusted everyone and a world that did not.  It illustrated to me how choices impact all of us.  How clearly evident that the choices of the few can affect the lives of so many.  it was a few polititians that allowed and even ordered the slaughter of the buffalo nation so that their agenda would move forward.  I wonder how many we have slaughtered since with our own agendas.

the morning sighting of the buffalo brought some relief to my fear. however when I went to breakfast I got freaked out all over again, It was Required that I sit with Strangers if I wanted to eat hot food.  NO OPTION if I wanted to eat I had to sit with Others!!  I so completely freaked out and froze right there in the asile, because I didnt know anyone and had to sit with strangers. doesn't that make you laugh!  you see Gmas how easy it is to be out of our element! which is good for me.  To learn compassion.  To learn and to expereince that it is one thing always for us to talk a good game eh? but we must live it.  We must Live our Fire. Yes! and I love that the spirits are always and have always asked me to put my money so to speak wehre my mouth is.  LOL  that is a fact! and as the buddha or the yoda said, " if you think you are enlightened go and see your relatives." ha ! Well this train was full of my relatives.  and to the spirits and the pipes I say thank you for taking me again to my edge of exhaustion, of cold tolerance, of travel boundaries and then sticking me on a moving vehicle that I could not escape, with people that I was taught to fear, and in a situation that I can not control eh?  Ha!!why are we taught to fear those that are different than us, those who have a different relationship with life than we do. Those who we don't know?

I don't know.  but it was right there in my face once again; the me that I do not want to remain being by the end of the day.

I could have beaten up myself for being afraid. For being judgemental for not being .... whatever... but as we learned in the panda workshop  we don't wash our pitts in the pool of sacred tears.   we just recognize that thank LIFE we have found another place where resistance is lurking inside of us and if we are Present, we can take our sharp scalpel and cut it out.  no time for wasting our efforts on shock and horror that we are not perfect eh? relatives.  we might miss the train if we dawdle.

so here I was surrounded by my own realization that I needed a better perspective if I was going to Live changing the world. That Change meant being available for and including EVERYBODY. You know we've been praying for the Cheyenne for months and we figured out that how we spend our day is what creates the night sky they have to endure. I think that the Cheyenne are not the only ones that have to endure that night sky Relatives. I think all of us do, including the spirits of the Buffalo Nation. Reflected in those I met in that train station and in the aisles of the train was my habits of non thought and judgement and fear. The habit of Separation. I thought why be fearful. why judge eh? what is the Other choice here that I can make.  What do You think Relatives?   what is the other choice

 how nice to find one more part of me to cut off the head of.  Good training  and not so suprising that asking those women all weekend to cut off their heads meant that I would have to cut off mine, again. 

my uncomfortableness was not just in the identity judgement I was taught but also caused in part by the constant motion of the train.  it was like being on a giant metal camel.  rocking and speeding and bumping and slowing and stop then go.  kind of like the journey with the house  participating but not really incharge.  So much movement that I was not sure of, not familiar with, and definately not in charge of. I had never been where we were going so I could not find comfort in a memory, my travelling companions were not known to me so again, no memory to comfort or guide me, it was a truly new expereince. how interesting to find myself so stuck or attached to my own little parameters of life and there was no escaping any of it.

 

back to breakfast; standing in the asile Everyone Aware that I was Stuck, Ha! Stuck bewteen fear and old school Way and the Parameters of the Brave New World, well maybe that is not what they saw, but it was what I saw.  Ha!  not only was I trapped on this moving train and could not get off, but the straw that was going to break the camels back was that I was going to have to eat with Strangers if I was going to eat.    wow what a mirror that was to look into.

Again thank Life for the staff on the train, they were like the spirits  so used to all of us standing there like deer in headlights at the edge of our training, the edge of our limited imagination, the edge of what we thought we might be able to understand and endure. At the edge of the Remains of what we know to do with the day, the Moment we indicate that we Accept, they gently guide us to our table. How cool is that !!

LOL whew super crazy train newbie  like life!! do you think Relatives that we will be able to Ride the World we are asking this one to Change into? 

I sat with two women and one as it turned out, was best friends with a GMa from the gathering at Lake Superior.  How amazing is that!  a connection! just when I thought all was lost and I couldn't take any more. ha!! man was I tired. The otherwoman was a wonderful GMa from the south. a cook! another connection.    we had the best morning.  After realizing they weren't going to eat me, LOL, and listening attentively to their stories I talked with them about the amazing weekend in WI and the predator, the self predator, the mirror of self reflection, the fire, holding the fire, setting one's intention and holding it and a little bit about the panda. mostly about the amazing women who had worked so hard to set a New Intention for the Fire in our World.  I also told them about the GMa house in Pipestone,  they were very happy to know that the house existed, that it was being built and that it was for them.  Super cool  what a start to the day. somehow after that meal the train started to look like a good oportunity for rest and trust.

later as I watched geese flying together in the sky I remarked to my friend EG that they were so unlike us.  They have an "hardwired" intention that guides thier heart on thier great journeys.  They hold that intention and work with each flap of the wing, each group effort, rotating leadership to keep the journey to the point, and to maintain a balanced perspective.  How different than us eh relatives? they do not question doing the work to stay in the air.  To maintian the journey. They give all they have to ensure that the flock will make it in the great transitions of life. cool huh?

Once we were across the plains and began our journey into the mountains and out on the west coast the motion of the train had become imbedded in me.  When I got here to seattle it took a bit for me to feel like things should not be moving all around me. ha!  but it was good to see once again that here in this time we are all on the same train moving towards a common destination and what we do as individuals and as a group not only shapes our experience but our opportunities and our trust. 
on  the train people respected each others private space,  no one stole anything from anyone and there was a strong sense of community  very flexible diverse community  it was like travelling at the core of each of us. We knew that messing with the train was messing with something that should not be broken or betrayed.  it was a crazy thing.   something to think aobut.

  I got here this morning and it has been an amazing day.  I was priviledged to see two wonderful women warriors of the heart meet each other today  one from the AZ GMa gathering and one from Lame Deer  we had lunch and visited.  I am here for work on the software company www.dibbs-dental.com at the Veterinary dental Forum here in seattle so hold the intention with me relatives that this will truly and solidly launch the sales of the software into the public/professional veterinary domain.  Thank you for your love and support in that endeavor.

it is very clear to me that we need community.That I cannot do the house alone. That The Spirits are working immediately and as thoroughly as any and all of us who have pitched in to make this directive a reality. It is very clear to me  that each of us will and do have a part in this great vision that encompases the Center of the East and West Gate.  That everything is moving and coming and going to be put in place.It so matters to me Relatives that you also have shown up and are willing to give and to do part of the work of the whole.    I have changed Relatives  so much even since June  and will change More    I believe in this change and in the Way of the Heart   

thank you for being there for doing and for doing again and for giving 
thank you

all my best
love and light shadow and song
mary

Night train

Good evening Relatives

I found this draft once I got to seattle and settled in and back on line  I thought i would go ahead and post it as it is important to write from every place that we / I am so you get more than one blog today  relatives   thank you for holding the fire of this blog  thank you

It was an amazing weekend in Wisconsin.  The women who attended the workshop were there to do their work.
It was a short but long 28 hours of very focused work. I was really blown away by the dedication these women had to healing themselves and practicing new skills and perspectives for their lives. Kudos to them.  it was a real blessing to visit and work with them.  Thank you thank you also to the pipes for the work and gifts they gave.  It was like a tiny super concentrated GMa gathering.

I'm sitting in a Mac Donald's in Moorhead MN waiting on the train station in Fargo to open at midnight. I'm taking the train to Seattle for the veterinary dental conference.  I've never taken the train before today. I also have never been to Seattle.  I'm looking forward to both experiences.  I'm not sure if there is wifi on the train.  And I am hoping it is warm.  Lol. I got really cold riding the motorcycle back from the weekend. Great blessings to the GMa that met me partway and we carpooled in her car there and back. So I only had to ride three hours one way on the bike. I'm very grateful for this GMa. Thank you thank you and to the love and spirits and holding thoughts that kept the bike upright and safe all the way home!  That is most likely the last ride of this year. The temperatures in pipestone are now consistently in the thirties and twenties at night and don't get much higher during the day. So too much chance for ice to ride and save gas money.

I haven't been in Fargo for years.  Not since I went to school here a very long time ago.  Wow lots of adventures were had then. Lol I had forgotten most of them till today.  I had an old ford galaxy 500 that i called jesus christ because it ran on faith. Everyone used that car for anything they needed. it was cool. If you needed it the keys were easy to find and it seemed to always be there whenever it was called into service.  It finally died of rust cancer years later after long and faithful service. What an interesting and amazing life I've had.

 I stopped at a Starbucks on the way here. It was the only one I've seen in ages, lol they are rare out here amongst the farms.  So I got a large warm yummy hot tea as they do them so well using up the last of my old Starbucks card from my time in Dallas.  Any how the young woman at. The counter and I were chatting and as I said I was going to Fargo to get on the train for the first time I realized I had been traveling around our country doing things and meeting people for 36 years. Most of the time by myself. And most of the time with no particular worries. Lol  thinking of having no worries about going new places made me realize I have a bit of anxiety about going today.

I think I am cold. Lol I think being cold makes me tired and after such intense ceremony / listening / teaching/ learning this weekend and the focus of the bike ride. I believe I feel like I am Almost down to the bone !  So I am glad I will be on the train rather than an aero plane.  It will I think be like a mini private vacation. And I don't have to drive.  I just hope it is warm.  Being cold makes me so tired and my head gets tired.

I hope you all sleep really well tonight my friends. It feels to me like we are truly changing the day sky so that it makes a new and more secure thoughtful night sky for the Cheyenne.  GMa Margaret is in Nepal now.  So when you say your prayer for her/our people say one for those in Nepal as well.

Take good care.  Love ya. Mean it
Mary