GO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD

Go the whole wide world
just to find her

Good evening Relatives

its ten degrees in Pipestone    BRRRRRR LOL  it will get down to 3 degrees tonight   or I should say in the morning
saturday morning

I just finished watching the movie "Stranger Than Fiction" for I don't know maybe the 34th or the 50th time   and this time

This time  I saw two new things    
by the way I love the song that the hero plays
it is an amazing transition in the film
an amazing transition in the movie
in the character in more than one character  which in the end changes everything

here is the you tube link to the film clip

what is interesting to me is that when I first saw the film, I recognized this moment, I recognized why

why the film and its message was important why the transition that this man who is a mundane tax man makes is so important

but I didn't get it

not yet

not again and again and again

until tonight

harold hesitates when she asks him to play the song  he says not tonight maybe some other time and then he realizes that he may not have another time  and what does he do with that chance that is there in his hand and will never come again

our life does not come back when it is lost

the moments that you spent reading this post will never come again

you are living your life
I am living mine

but are we living it?   are we  ?

its very likely now or never

and what I got  if you will watch the movie before going on with the post I recommend it

even if you have already watched it   watch it again  even if you hate will ferrell don't let it stand in your way

watch it again

go the whole wide world  

go


go find her


what I saw this time was that Harold Crick the hero of the tragedy wanted to live

he wanted to live   he wanted it   he wanted to live
and I could feel it in him  that wanting  the pivotal moment when he understood suddenly that he was on an undeviatable path to his own death and that it was imminent  his death was imminent and he understood this and he in understanding that death was imminent he understood for the first time in his life that he wanted life

it was the first time I could feel that he wanted life  it was amazing

 it made all of the rest of it richer

realizing that it is important even when you know that you are going to die

 to want life

to want it   to want life

and what is life if not the moment each moment that you or I or we are in full awareness that not only is our life in our hands right now
but it is also ending
right now

and once ended
it won't
and doesn't
come back

and one of the reasons the movie works is that the hero is not greedy about it  he isn't bitter and doesn't waste time bitching about the end or destroying himself and his opportunities because they are going to end he doesn't natter on about it  he seeks counsel but ultimately he stands as himself in his own life and decides freely how to spend it and how to end it

he rejects despair and any power that death might have over him and as such his life

it becomes sweeter, more fragile yet stronger and more powerful it becomes so much more important to be present in it and yet not manipulate it to some false or tedious end

to have it and to go forward to his end as himself truly honestly and with a subtle passion that is unbreakable    it is a key thing this awareness  this actualization of and idea into a reality

that is what he discovers
that ideas can be actualized into reality and in finding that out he finds within himself that he is in the act of living his life as if it was and is precious as if he wanted it

living to have what he wants he finds within himself a willingness to die for someone else
extraordinary isn't it


and the second thing I realized or heard or got this time was that the writer, played by emma thompson realized that her scripting her storytelling her writing was actually being created in the real world  people were not affected by her story her imagination her committing to her own words and thoughts and direction they were controlled by it  they were designed by it and when she said they died  they died

she came face to face with the true understanding that she was truly playing God with her fellow man
and rather than shirk this or reject it or pretend it was nonsense or run away from it or rationalize it or ???&&^%$#@*&*!!~@# on an on and on

she decided to be a better writer because of it
and that is it isn't it
that deciding to be a better writer

you see  we can't avoid the FACT
the TRUISM that we indeed are the writers of our story
you are the writer of my story
and I am of yours
there is no avoiding it and no ignoring it or passing it off on someone else

you are writing my life
and I am writing yours
we are the authors

that is what we all can do
become better writers
or not
there was no question that the writing wasn't going to go forward nor that it wasn't going to make or break Harold Crick   there was no avoiding the reality of the truth

she just had to decide what kind of writer she wanted to be
and she didn't decide not to kill him because she couldn't bear being a murderer

she decided not to kill him because she saw in his self
the self he became when he responded to both wanting to live and knowing he was going to die
she decided that he was valuable
how interesting is that

it was a clarity  that is difficult for us to see in ourselves in our own lives  it has taken me years to come a little bit closer to this understanding and I don't mean intellectually or spiritually although certainly these things have helped me arrive at this place of transition where in looking at her in the movie I saw it I saw that she got it  and in seeing her get it what I really was getting was that I got it about me and about you and me and you    all of us  individually and altogether all at once are creating what happens to us
but really get it
get it so that like harold and like karen the hero and the writer the getting of it transforms the entire way that we make choice about the moments of our lives
the seconds on the clock
the seconds that are "watched"

something that is taught to us over and over you are what you think  the world is created by you, I, me, we every day

we make it up as we go and so it goes and she got it and it was not just her that got it it was me as well

and it took all this time and everything in my life and my doing and pursuing and this movie over and over to get it  to find it to go the whole wide world
so can you get it?
can you understand and find it
find that knowledge
will you go the whole wide world just to find her  yourself

the power of your own life of wanting it of having it of having the truth that you are writing you are creating me my world and I am creating yours

how about that

so like the guitar practicing
in the movie to make the movie work they got it really fast
and the thing is that the faster we get it the more life we have to have
there is no time to waste relatives
its now or never
for you , for me, for us

like digging for the gold of your heart and mind and life keep going  keep practicing keep going

you will find it

I will find it

we can find it and when those two things come together  wanting to live and understanding that what we think how we think what we create with our minds our hearts our words our intentions our design really does change our world  me for you and you for me

will you go the whole wide world for me?
do you think that I will for you?
do you want me to?

I want you to
I want to live

even though I know that I am going to die
even though i know that my death is speeding towards me
I want to live
I want to with my life go the whole wide world for you

when we want them to people die
when we want them to people live
including and especially ourselves
each for the other

so
go the whole wide world to find her

yes

watch the movie
what ever it take s

love love love
Mary

comfort and joy

Good Morning Relatives

It was full moon yesterday  perhaps saturday and today as well    it also was the one year anniversary of when i fell over the stairs and crushed my wrist and dislocated fractured and ripped my opposite shoulder  

happy to report that there were no accidents this Nov 17th or on saturday   and for the full moon I lit a fire and made prayers to thank the Spirit of the Moon for patiently and consistently reflecting the sun back to us even when we try to get in the way

it is perhaps the most forgotten thing in my life that the temporal sneaks in front of the eternal and blocks out the light

one of the main things that I learned over the past year was lean financial management   I also learned to ask for and to receive without fear or guilt help from the many generous hands that shared their own abundance with me so that I could make it through the physical transition necessary to begin again to hold my own reins  

thank you  thank you for your gifts your advice your prayer your laughter and your funny unkindnesses when they also happened   for in every bit of black there is white and vis versa   thank you for responding   I am also thankful to myself for responding

the house is much warmer this year   the insulation was finished  and it makes a difference    so much so that it is unlikely after all that any additional heat will be installed upstairs    heat rises as we know  and this house is shaped as one of the pipe makers lovingly says like a big milk carton   so the heat from the main floor continuously pours through to the upstairs

I had an interesting dream last night  I dreamed that one of my old friends from veterinary school and I were once again in the position of mourning the death of her dear dog Jim   it was so painful to relive that loss   we grasped each other so tightly in an embrace of pain shared between hearts that did not want to let go of this beautiful fragile elegant dogs life once again   in the dream I told her I do not know if I can go through this again and my soul felt like it would fall away and not return

it is always interesting to me to be an observer of myself in a dream  and always when I am in one I am also observing  it is the perfect yogic event the observer witnessing consciousness and the animatory activities that our being-ness is capable of in spirit and in the interdimentionalness of the nuances of existence    

I am not sure what existence is really  take for example the moon  and the light of the moon   is the light of the moon the sun? or the reflection that is bent from a rock and thrown through space or is it the optic neuron that perceives the cast reflected and bent light or is it the mind that conceptualizes and gives meaning to the above or is it the moon herself  an entity that allows us to feel her to be pulled by her i s it her reaching into and around us which is the light ? is it the ah ha moment  is that the light of the moon?

so what is dreaming but being with my being as it is being anywhere and any when and any how that it can will or has been     it is to me most excellent that I am able to remember after returning to this time and space with all of its dead and dampened and restrictive cloaked and narrow parameters any of what occurs beyond it borders   I am grateful for this as there have been many times that the only thing that kept me from leaving this place was that in the dreamtime I was able to leave it  and so when I was here in the midst of whatever enduring painful confusing thing I was comforted by the knowledge that when i closed my eyes to sleep I would either rest which is so important to being a part of this world or I would leave and in leaving I would find that I would not be lost but found and that was a comfort as well

and so when I was losing my soul in the pain of loss held in embrace by the mirrored pain of my friend in the dreamtime what struck me as an observer was that the pain was able to be felt and exist in its true form which is also necessary in order that it be cleansed but that it was in the embrace of two simultaneously creating comfort   it  the pain  was because of it s existence which must be felt and is when shared in the embrace of arms that are not of its origin the creator of a deep and true comfort

then the dream switched

I was part of a crew who were planting inside a building  inside a home with tall room and walls of windows that looked out over the green and let the light in    so beautiful  so amazing and we were cleaning up and replanting   which is different than replacing     and I was told to put so and so trees here and there and the leader who was what movie directors like to show as a tall strapping fortyish guy who was good natured and easy going  just the kind of girl I would like to go out with  he was directing our little crew and where he wanted  the planting just so was not going to work  there was an instability in the ground  in the fabric it self  and if we planted there then the entire floor would fall away  so I showed it to him  how the layer of our existence was only about three feet deep and too much digging and manipulating would make it drop away  altogether

so he moved me and my plants over closer to the window in front of a row of tufts of grass that were blooming and I began to arrange and divide and set out the little plants and then i laughed at him and he pushed me and I tickled him and he laughed and tickled me and before I knew it we were rolling on the ground tickling and laughing until we were exhausted and giddy and tearful   with joy

the tickling and laughing and tears made joy  

and as I was watching this I noticed all the plants began to bloom and the mosses divide and green up   and I realized that what I saw there in that place  what I wanted to bring home and say thank you to the moon  the light the  pain of death the embrace of friends and the work of human togetherness and the tickling   what I was able to bring home through time and space was not the shadow of the temporal on the moon  but what she is able to do with that shadow

create comfort  and joy  

somehow I will do this thing     this creation of comfort and joy    using the parameters of circle practice  there is no resin that we cannot do this thing

thank you relatives for an amazing year     go and find someone to hold you and you hold them and cry hard    cry very hard and say what is painful out loud  while you hold each other so tight  and then rather than muck about it what ever it is   or nattering on   ring the bell on that event and stop it

let it be fully   then stop it    

then with that person tickle and laugh and giggle and roll around until you cry  from joy   and then again stop

stop and ring the bell  

hold in time and space the sacred creation of comfort and joy like a capsule that cannot be broken

and there you did it   you and your unknown companion did it  together with no remorse left over and no negative vibrations seeding the world

life bless us all
eh?
love love love
mary

Santa Clause's Garlic

Well Good Morning Relatives

I feel better today    I've been fighting some sort of flu thingy achy tired hot prickly head exhausted thingy  and last night sometime in the night I had a big fever and it left my body   clearer lighter and a bit tired but not sick any longer

kind of like struggling with self don't you think?   one time I heard someone say I've been sick and I am well now  so I'm calling in well today and won't be back to work

eventually we have to decide what our work is and if we are going to do it and if we are going to stop nattering on about what it creates around and in us  LOL  do you trust your work relatives?  is your work what you make? or what makes you?  no matter the work that question is applicable and it turns not on the type of work but on the hands and heart and mind that engage it   my father taught me that when a perspective changes everything changes   ( not the body or the work or the environment or the ???)  the perspective  changes everything   and in the book Light on the Path it talks about our work and our perspective

there is always doubt in one form or another  there is always a little fear and in those times it is easy to give myself over to the flow of the river  but if I am standing in the wrong river  ( and what I mean by river is the flow of my mind and my perception)  and if I am letting go so that my mind is blank and my life non responsible  (as if this would save a drowning rat lol  having its eyes closed) if I am holding my breath  the breath of my souls engagement  then I am not living  I am stagnant I am cumbersome and filling up with silt  covered up with weed  not the yummy healthy kind that brings minerals and iron to water  but the clingy suffocating trash catching kind that suffocate and bury my soul beneath the subtle pull of what I think of as the current of the dead

how is one radical?  radical is one small thing over and over shifting the stream to a slightly different course    I don't know how many times at work I tell myself over and over  each person is a real person each engagement is to because of me and who I am  to be clear and honest and one to one  over and over and over and over and over and over and over again never ever the same   never ever the same  why is that
why do that in a stop and rob connivence store as a cashier making minimum wage for hours on end?  

why is grace reserved for pain   why is prayer reserved for church or for need  why is kindness not the mortar between our bricks  why what I think i am talking about is authenticity    yet some would say that authenticity is being who one is even if who that is is inanimately disconnected from the soul   and i suppose that is so  

but we are women and men of action  we are living beings  we are fueled by the eternal fire of life and so because we have choice we choose   we choose living death or living life   with every breath which never until this moment has been drawn or expelled   is the breath I breath out going to make you sick relative when you inhale it after I have taken it in and then let it out with ? a curse, gossip, derision, negativity, fear of lack, ridicule, …….  what is it how is my breath shaping the world?  how is my breath doing inside of you relatives?  and how is yours doing inside of me or your neighbor?  is it life giving? or is it poison?  it is of course up to you to me to us   and thus like the trees around us and other living things the breath is filtered  it is cleansed  and yet only the human was given the ability to transform it to taint it to change it and its molecules   so relatives how is it that we take care of this great gift  this great love that is entrusted to us?  hmmmmmm?  how is it that we do this  well I can tell you its not magic and its not spiritual or religious  it is however decidedly kung fu ish  and it is totally Kung Fu Pandamonious

and when we work towards our selves as ourselves  if we are working and gardening and cutting and pasting and sewing and stitching and laughing and burping and garfing   we are remaking our world in the image of ourselvesand there will come a time that we will fall into an "illness" a funk a fever an ache a sickness why is that  it is not reasonable to think that we are not exposed to things that can make us sick  it is not reasonable to think that we in the reanimation of our selves will need to slough that which was dead with in us  and this the body does with inflammation pus fever and many many signs of the work it takes an organism to clean house  

in the night I was at a market visiting with people who came there  and It was interesting trying to decide where to park the mini  there was a woman who followed me from table to table  she wanted me to bring her garlic to polish her silver ring  I wasn't wanting to give her my garlic as it was difficult to come by  so I asked the chef at the place we were sitting and others eating if he had any  and he said only the kind that santa brings  it was in a round plastic container dried and mixed with seaweed   and I wondered win was it that santa started giving that in the place of the real living thing and then I wondered it santa had changed suppliers to keep up with demand which made me wonder about the purpose of demand and how it creates fear of lack which I was sick with and then i thought poor santa  what have we done to him and to all the children?  what have we done?   and while I was worried not about my garlic but about why I was more concerned with lack than giving or abundance I realized she only needed one little clove of which i had many   and as I reached to peel it and give it she was on to other things and I was left to hold the garlic and smell it on my hands  at which point I looked up and asked the owner did I order any food? and she said yes  you ordered bran and a peach   after which giving to me my food a young man came and put his arm around me and he said I chose to stay here     I chose to stay because of you and I chose to shed pain and live in peace and in a clear heart   I knew then when he touched me that he was an innocent and that he had or was contemplating ending his life and that somehow what is saw or felt between the little space of our lives together it made him change his mind  it made him believe  oogway says we only have to believe   santa is real if we believe and there is plenty of garlic if we believe if I believe it can change one life and is not one life worth everything?   he hugged me with his long white arm and as he did he filled me with light that even now as I write you I can feel inside of me  then he said i love you  and strangest of all things I believed him

then I woke up   no longer sick  no longer achey and no longer covered in sweat

so what would master oogway say   I see you have found the sacred peach tree of heavenly wisdom  so why are you upset?  Noodles not Noodles? you are too concerned with what was and what will be   yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift  

that is why they call it the present


santa clause gave us all garlic today relatives   enjoy the peach and I do recommend bran for the constipation of stuck thinking LOL

life is a mirror   look clearly  without smoke  gently but honestly  and try to trust the big picture as you pick your nose hairs

love love love
mary

Better Nate than Lever

good morning Relatives

well it has been a while hasn't it   I had a journey to the south southwest to vista some Gma's and to do ceremony  it was a wonderful gift from them and the Spirits  from the road and the hands that gave and facilitated the journey  thank you thank you thank you  wopila tiospeye which means thank you family

thank you to the raven and the skunk and the fly and the spider  thank you to the bear and the water and wind and the grandmother earth the grandfather sky the star nation the trees and the stones   thank you thank you thank you

and bless sally fields for her tender heart

well what a morning it has been already   I spoke on the phone with a usaa rep who was so helpful in coordinating my bill for the insurance and beyond that helpful in expressing and conversing with me in a way that showed me that he has like myself and others been traveling the road of the heart  the road of the people who believe in love  who believe in the idea that negativity can be drained away and in that draining comes the opportunity to fill and regrow with love  to recondition to a new purpose our minds our hearts our bodies our being ness and thus the effect and affect that we have on our world and our universe   we create the world every day relatives   we make it so as caption picard would say

in ceremony with the gmas the spirits showed them how easy it is to come together as perfect individuals standing in a circle to create anything when it comes to prayer manifesting reality  it is very simple  very easy to create a reality   not a fantasy but a truth  a now   and it is also just as easy to let it slip away or to let it be overcome by the inertia of negativity ego or pride or greed   or bitterness or anger  
we all walk with what we hold within ourselves and we all reach for our life with hands that are moved by the intention of our hearts   it is our hearts that we access or fill or recreate into the driving engine behind what we do  

when I heard the phrase open your heart it just bounced off my brain  LOL for years it bounced off my brain my mind my physicality  

lOL  how funny is that    open your heart  

remember in the CS Lewis book the voyage of the dawn treader  which is one of the Narnia books which is a great series and which was made into an excellent film   it is a great teaching that story  about opening the heart   everyone sees blatantly what comes when Eustace opens his heart  and the lion of the inertia of love cuts away his thick scaly dragon greedy outer shell exposing the loving boy inside   but does everyone see the subtle choice and manifestation of Lucy and Edmond and Caspian also choosing the left or right that makes all the difference in the end?  do they see that those choices come from love and from a long path of choosing first fred or ego or hate or revenge or pride or ignorance from trying on as some of us do and have done the clothes that our ancestors wore that made th world that is collapsing around us?  do you I we see that when at last faced with themselves in the mirror which is all the "island of evil" is  it is ourselves at our core in the mirror face to face with our worst fears or our most tangible negativity  it is when they looked in that mirror they chose
they chose freely and clearly and truly the love  

love and no matter the cost  love

even as we saw in Harry Potter  he was not the magical boy who lived  he was the boy who lived through seven years of change and choice and trust and learning and mistake and ego and hormones and loss and massive amounts of opportunity and choice  to become the one who said its ok take me and do what you will  not blithely or stupidly or innocently or with abandon  but with intention and love  with care with true freedom

and thus it is that better nate than lever is awesome   remember the far side card where the two stone age guys are trying to move a great rock and the lever is not yet invented and along comes Nate and he picks up the rok and moves it   so relatives better nate than lever

all around us is the coming together of the medicine of intention   the small medicine of how you live your day and move your hands from your heart   trust the over all   trust the process hold the fire in you and let the negativity drain away and be what is healthy and restored  be and become love and togetherness and lack of war and lack of greed and lack of pride   become

it took a long years to participate in ceremony as I have witnessed  to learn to hold while letting go    to invite the Spirits in and to let go yet hold while they work  and make and give the medicine and the joy that we have asked for and called into being    I am delighted to say that I have seen this in action and it enlivinens my heart to know after all these steps that the Jade palace exists  that climbing the steps doing the training and understanding at last that while there is no secret ingredient there is a culmination of the many into one in the one

love love love my dear relatives
mary
all you need is love