Good Morning Relatives
well relatives where to begin
as usual life has been extraordinary
sometimes I get a little tired of myself and my ignorance sometimes I get tired of my refusal to listen to that little voice that tells me things are heading south
rather than get off on a pity party or self castigation I need to figure out how to let go of something that I participated in that I wish yes I wish that I had learned not to when i was in grade school or junior high or even high school or university
where were the teachers of human engagement?
I was in the bank visiting with one of the executives a woman who needed to ask me some questions to open an account
I gave her my sort of standard answer "if you are old enough to ask then you are old enough to hear the answer"
which is always immediately interpreted as too private too risqué and a dangerous attitude to have around children
but it is about children that that idea or premise was created in me
I was a curious child always and still asking why and wanting to know
so I learned that my questions to some were perceived as questioning authority questioning intelligence and reasoning and questioning the plan what ever it may be
I also unfortunately learned the habit of giving over the truth of an answer to the one I questioned as if any and all whom I could ask were bound by some sort of magical universal law that they had to tell the truth if my question and especially if my question was on the mark and very clear about what I thought was wrong or going on with a situation so the teachers of human engagement right here right in that place where I taught myself to give up authority to another could have taught me that Mary not all people will answer honestly or without guile or without even crazy magical 180 degree perspectives where they truly think they are not only right in taking your money and your life but that you are somehow indebted to them and supposed to hand it over. anyhow it was a long time in me till that naive innocent idea and habit of oh you will tell me the truth if I ask the right question was replaced with a more common sense approach.
sometimes questions were welcomed sometimes very definitely not welcome sometimes that was simply timing like in the middle of surgery when the surgeon needs to focus on a bleeder or when a child has wandered into the street and a car is coming
anyhow at the bank the banker gave me the eyebrows raised not sure I want to ask answer and I said to her that it was about kids and about our responsibility towards kids that I had that attitude
if a question is pushing at their mind then they will seek the answer if they trust a person to ask or in a situation the force of curiosity bubbles up like fermenting kimchi and just can't wait any longer to burst out their mouth then that is the time to accept and make the most out of that curiosity
which means it is an opportunity to teach a skill rather than give an answer
answers can be given in a way that encourages a young person or a person of any age to think to continue bubbling to learn to feel out a situation and trust their instincts uncover a deceit or hidden agenda to check the footing up ahead to make sure it will hold or to uncover the wonder of life's beautiful tapestry because their question has lead to an awareness of life outside of just them and their navel
questions bring into question the skill of the one who is asked it brings into question their agenda with that human being who just put them on the spot it brings into question their own maturity and interest in creating a sustainable equally shareable peaceful planet and relation or something less so
questions also can be pointed sticks that are used to keep the focus on the stick holder and keep others from gaining a good footing
so deflecting a question is sometimes the best answer
at the bank the exec and I had a short conversation about how it was more important to teach a kid that a life partner should be respectful, have a good work ethic, be able to communicate fairly well, and be open to learning and seeking trust and new ideas that help work through things without violence or deceit rather than just the answer of are they the right gender? are they in love with me? are they a certain religion or the right color? do they have a nice car or a big house? do you see what I mean?
it was encouraging to me that the banker did and that she liked that idea
inside of me there is a me that questions even me. that part of me has always been there and at times I have listened to me let me rule my mouth and activities and at times I have completely and totally shoved that part of me aside and gone on with what I was doing.
unfortunately for me relatives I am in my fifties and still have (or rather had not until this last recent few weeks) not committed to listening to my own questions about who and what I was involved in and that disregard of me was costly and frankly has always been costly
so what is the answer when I have not listened to my own questions?
the answer is to begin immediately to do so. and to not look back on what was not or could have been
so some of the skills I am taking as rules of thumb which is different than an answer because rules of thumb are like surgical principles they help to a point but when you open up a patient and find that the inside does not match the outside there is no sense in ignoring what is really going on just because the package was mislabeled otherwise someone is going to die which might happen anyway
people mislabel who they are what their intention is and what they are willing to do to get what they want
a con is someone who wants you/me to make up a story about what being involved with them will mean or will bring you/me and then they invest just enough money in that story that I/you are hooked in with guilt, responsibility, ego and etc and you/I will do almost anything to uphold our side of the agreement or bargain even when they are not bound by any sense of such themselves
believe me when you/ I are in the presence or engagement of a con our inner questioning self will pop its head up and ask us to stop that is where it is vitally important that I/you do not go to the con for an answer to our question that is where all bets are off already about honesty integrity and your/my personal safety
any agreement is already broken
a new agreement with a person or persons who did not keep the first one is equally if not exponentially false
they will rely on your/my own integrity to give them another opportunity to con you/me
what they want is something from you/me they will rely on you/me to reset the situation as if the past was not real or valid in the moment and as if they suddenly and magically have come to their senses and will treat you with respect or kindness and fairness trust me it is not going to happen it is just the next chapter in the story and they are betting on the fact that your / my desire to return to normal will create in us the next series of activities where they will get something from you/me and once again leave you/me feeling increasingly horrible however that may manifest itself and trust me at some point they will be counting on you/me to be violent in our protests or reaction to their deceit so that when the social norm turns its blind eye to the events that have finally erupted the person holding the violence will be you / me the person who appears to be crazy and who will be out of control will be you/me and they will have a ready made story for the public that will put them in the victim role and you/me in the role of perpetrator (its a given)
do not think that continuing to engage with them at all will bring you/me closer to the exit or closer to a good ending of what is already a lost cause all is already lost do not forget that all is already lost and any thing you/I do with them any further will cost you/me even more
I/you have been conned and I/you participated in that as was the design from the beginning It will happen and does happen and what comes out of it is a painful heart a guilt that is hard to expel
so go out and cry go for a swim soak in the lake or stand in the shower or under a waterfall go and let the water rinse out of you all that you let down in yourself all the fear that was present and the rage that wanted to strike out and harm those or that one who is still out there harming themselves and others because believe me their encounter with you/me did not change them in a way that will make them stop conning it will only make them better at it
so let it go and let your/my own part of that out let the emotion out and let it go
don't be enraged don't strike out don't cause more harm to your/myself because you/I fell for a trap that was well practiced and well designed part of it was you/me not listening to you/me
just rinse it out and listen from now on listen not from a place that is still controlled by that negativity but from a place of trust NOT trust in the one who is questioned to be honest remember the grain of salt well keep it handy but trust in you trust in your little voice and in the small things that others want to pooh pooh or disregard or act as if they weren't even real trust you
step over to the idea and place of trust turn your perspective into one that stands clear and true and hand in hand with the trust you have in your own inner question
what am I going to do for me and thus for you relatives I am going to trust me to build to laugh and strengthen and turn the mirror of yep there is crazy here and it is not me dude back on those who can least tolerate it
I am going to revel in my ability to stand my ground for me and have a good relation with others and enjoy them and opportunities that come along even if the enjoyment I get out of it is turning it down because a rat is a rat and will never be a loyal dog eh? so if you smell a rat there is one about
if you/ I are old enough to ask we are old enough to know the answer and when the insides of an idea or a plan or a commitment don't match the outsides and your guts tell you you are over your head walk away stop and say no
it is the kindest thing to do no matter what money or investment is lost at that point
live with yourself in peace live with myself in peace
best to you relatives
mb
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