Good Morning Relatives
its warm enough today that the ground looks like a brown and green and white pinto pony the embrace of winter is easing into the earth and the sky
how long has it been since we learned not to hold onto that which makes us sick that which when grasped tight to our chest holds us in its grip and poisons our thoughts and our perspective
it has been an interesting and long but frankly now forgotten journey for me to find the way of no way
no way meaning there is no way I am going to bed with that idea there is no way that I am going to be the refuse dump for what so severely disappointed you and I promise not to treat you like my own personal round bin either
this year is the first year that I am solidly confident that it can be done we can outgrow kill off walk away from replace that nasty behavior in ourselves and in doing so give an example of this type of peacefulness for each other
and perhaps if I can do it you can do it and if you can do it then that makes two and two makes for and then on to five gold rings
do you see how we can make the world less which is after all more
I truly truly am repeatably daily here and not here at the same time way cool
way doable and I didn't think it could be done and I didn't know what it was like but now that I AM I can so tell that it is so right on!
Sweeeeeeet
this is good this is worth it and it is doable
the idea is taught in kung fu panda 2 actually the idea of inner peace and non inner peace and where the two paths lead is so illustrated by that movie awesomeness for sure
so its our choice what we want to hold on to its our choice whether or not we want to be hard like a stone or strong like a rock its our choice if we let the events of our past or even of someone else's past color our present and captivate our future
sometimes after ceremony people pull me aside and ask me to wade through their pain or their negativity or their fear or their own struggle with their own struggly bits
I remember being someone who thought she had to wrestle with herself all over someone else's ear pans in order to have my pain be real to vent my frustration to be angry without having the nerve or the articulateness to be angry with those who actually caused it what ever
and I do mean what ever
I needed to blast around why because it is what we do because the struggly bits that I was holding on to were so valid to me so life changing so dramatic so what ever
whatever meaning whatever it was the thing that I wasn't realizing was that it was me clinging to grasping at and struggling with those bits that was damaging and captivating me preventing me from having anything but that crap that whatever when it was long gone down the river and me with it
let it go
if you need care and emergency help get it
if you need to take a moment to compose a reply that is yours and not pushed by someoneelse's pointed stick take that moment and then stand and deliver
if you need to run away get on it girl
if you need to simply turn aside and brush off what was trying to cling and refocus on what you were doing no problem
but the wounds of the past heal scars fade life moves on do you with it?
so sometimes after ceremony or teaching a workshop people want me to fix or solve or listen to their struggly bits and the truth is I care about them and I can see that they are struggling but it is not my struggle and I am not a counselor and my time and life is more precious to me than their stuff and I don't want to have to filter or clean off of me what ails them and that is the reality of it
what is also the reality of it is that I can see that they are worth more than their precious struggly bits and in that moment they cannot
so let it go let it go let it go and don't look back
and in its place have right now eat a caramel apple pop brush your hair go for a swim look in the mirror and find five things you really love about yourself roll around on the grass begin the ceremony of dinner or lunch or tea exhale do quigong hold hands without talking with yourself
be something other than destructive be something that has the moment rather than assigning it to the past
so yesterday I received a card in the mail that was full of negativity interspersed with nicety complements and derision bitterness pain and way embedded in that card was the tiny seed of what perhaps might if a crowbar long and large enough could be positioned might turn out to be a person who was seeking themselves by looking in my mirror perhaps but only if I screwed up my eyes and looked out my left ear did I see it mostly what I saw was the old way that I used to catch myself up in what it meant to be spiritual or a leader or a friend or whatever an old idea of me is what I saw and it is not and was not for me to be the answer to that writer or even to determine what they were or are seeking I saw pain and the ability to write it down and send it on so I sent it on into the fire
I could feel the old me wanting to not do that the old me seeking somehow some way to be there and what is funny relatives is that I finally saw that the best way for me to be there was to let that water drop of pain on paper move across me without breaking or drenching me or becoming me or me making it into something I NEEDED to do or have or be and I let it fall in its entirety into the fire
nice
so don't try and be there other than being there its enough then walk away and trust them to get on with their life the way they want to
its been an entire lifetime of looking for me deciding what that meant and didn't mean trying on things and discovering what is true and not true in this place and time about me and once again at the end of this day I am closer and I am free er and I AM with you and without you at the same time pretty cool
thanx to the water and the fire and the panda and to you relatives for helping me find me it is the work and journey along the day that in the year brings what we have gathered individually to the table to be shared among friends
this is my work shop
mb
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Thursday, November 20, 2014
inner peace and the acid spitters a light in the dark of practice
Good Morning Relatives
so I was thinking about the grandmothers gathering and also about Kung Fu Panda 2
I was writing out some things some observations and in trying to condense down into succinctness that which is complex or full of nuance it took me awhile to find the best question because its all a question isn't it? and asking the most succinct question leads us to the most accurate, relevant applicable, i.e. deepest answer or at least that is what I have found to be true
so, here is the question: what is it that the Dragon Warrior is fighting for?
we know that he uses kung fu to save kung fu from that which destroys kung fu
this relatives, is the same as using circle practice to save circle practice from that which destroys circle practice what the Dragon Warrior and We bring to this practice is the willingness to dig deeper into the application of the agreements and principles and to learn what that looks like in an ever evolving world of non practice oh and lack of resistance to change both negative (outside the practice) and positive ( inside the practice) that is really something!
we know that he finds who he is today by letting go of the wounds of the past he is not what he was or what happened to him he is who he chooses to be now
we know he finds inner peace because we see him learn and practice the skill of holding himself as himself even as he reaches out and has an intentional encounter with a water droplet.
inner peace is what he is while he holds his place, his own identity separate from the water drop as he moves with it through time and space; letting it fall, letting it do its thing, and experiencing it, experiencing himself being himself while it moves across his awareness, through his space and time he moves with it WITHOUT absorbing it or modifying it or slowing it down or modifying himself as himself as he encounters it that is inner peace there is no impetus to exist in an others space and time in order to know or feel or experience that we exist both the water drop and the panda have inner peace in that time and space
during the gathering I was gently and thoughtfully lead through the exercise of gathering the "water" of someone else's "stuff" that had been splashed on me; words and emotions that were like acid and were intended to "drench" me and others in their intention, words and emotions that if held in the agreements of circle practice would simply go into the fire where they would find peace but, these words and emotions had been splashed about persistently and liberally outside of the circle and some of it had gotten on me. it is hard to hold the agreements of circle practice when others are not doing so, it is hard to learn the nuance of what that means, it is hard to see that everything is kung fu and what that means until that it we see it, we get it until we let go and hold on all at the same time,
I was not quite there yet I knew that I needed to hold on to circle practice I knew that inner peace about this was at hand and I just could not yet get it .... and I was fighting, struggling with not chewing on their fist, not letting their stuff absorb into me. so I sat with a friend and did not spew it on her I just outlined my own struggle to the center between us and she sat with me and reminded me gently to move that stuff off of me and to let it go back to the earth who would know best how to take good care of their stuff, there was no need for me to own, grab, change, judge, eat, chew on, pass on repeat or invest in what was theirs
I encountered them on their journey and I am and was on mine we travelled together in the same time and space but we were not the same and there was no need to be them or become them or have them become me for either of us to exist peacefully
sometimes people throw acid or spit acidic words and intentions on others or into their ears not sure what the motivation is Im sure it is personal it would be like trying to assign a motivation or cause to each raindrop that fell from the sky all I know is that it wasn't mine and I am and was under no obligation to take it in or on but because there was a deliberateness in the delivery and I was in the position of needing to move through the same time and space as this drop it was imperative that I not run away or get splashed and burned it was imperative that I maintain me peacefully and yet move that "stuff" through my encounter with it without becoming part of it or it part of me it was tough it is a tough concept until it is not LOL so much of our learning is like that isn't it? cell phones were a mystery until they were not so was tying shoes and walking we just don't remember
so I was struggling but close so I picked a good and steady friend to help me and she agreed so we sat
my friend sat with me and led me through the exercise of the water droplet and she spoke to me of beauty of laughter of gentleness and of song just regular things of our lives and friendship and as she spoke to me I let her words sweep up all that acid and gently put it back into a little ball that rolled off of me onto the earth
I didn't hold onto the acid until she was done
I didn't try to use her or me or our our-ness to dilute or explain it away
I didn't do anything but visualize that spoken acid being swept up and collected back to itself with peace and care and let it go
you see I know the earth is much much better with perspective than I am, she has more experience with acid spitters, violence and anger than even I do, she has more resources and much more ability and wisdom to care for what they were seeking or doing in a way that will take good care of them and her and I as well. I really mean that relatives it is not just an idea or something I repeat it is a truism in me and in sweeping up all that "stuff" and letting it roll off me with attentiveness and care it was a relief and I am grateful to my friend and the people at dreamwork and the panda and master shifu and oogway and the water for this teaching in practice I am also grateful to the acid spitters for the perfect timing of their gift that illuminated for me finally an immediate and beautiful opportunity to learn and actually experience this exercise in inner peace thank you
so acid spitters, confidentiality and circle practice breakers are one thing, but how does our Dragon Warrior hold onto inner peace when cannon balls are screaming towards him? how do we hold onto our circle practice and our kung fu, our inner peace; when someone wants to load us up with gossip and that someone is us? how do we maintain inner peace when that little urge to inflate our self worth rises up in the form of being someones champion presents itself to us? we save kung fu by using kung fu, we maintain circle practice by maintaining circle practice.
well lets go back to the beginners mind lets go back to zero lets go back to the principles and agreements and see if what we are fixin to do is in accordance with that or those or not?
the greatest strength that the Panda has is that he always goes back to zero always always always
we know that Po protects what is precious even that precious moment in the end when Lord Shen had the choice the moment when he could abandon his current path. the Panda does not choose for Shen he protects Shen's right to choose his own destiny no matter what he has chosen up to that moment he does not jump in and prevent Shen from destroying himself nor does he punish him for what he has done up to that moment he knows that just like himself Shen gets to decide who he is and ride that pony once he has saddled it
so one thing that scene teaches me is that sometimes the acid spitters burn down their own house around themselves it happens if you keep pouring sugar on a fire you started
thats the other nice thing about the Panda he knows that each of us can learn can and do choose and each of us gets to decide who we are and what pony we want to ride (by the way if the pony thing throws you it is just an old Texan thing we grew up saying; you saddled that pony I'm not going to ride it for you you can always turn it back out to pasture but if you insist on riding it its your pony)
remember even if your story did not have such a good beginning ( i.e. everything up to that moment ) it can still have a beautiful ending; it all depends on what you or I or we do with the gift of the present
inner peace comes from not letting our past or our projections about the future control our gift known as the present but it also comes from not letting anyone else's reality become our own it is possible to encounter someone whose reality is completely different than ours ( and what could be more different than a water drop that is on its way to falling to the ground and a big fat panda hand and arm finding it and moving with it through the air ) inner peace is holding ourself fluidly and thoughtfully and not putting our reality our shape our wherewithal on any other being even when we are as close as that water drop is to itself and Po, (Po doesn't change the water drop and the drop does not change him) while we also do not let them change us ( the water drop stays intact as itself even as it makes its way across him to the ground)
but it takes skill it takes practice it takes learning to dig a little deeper to produce the fruit of the present to hold onto our own beauty way when perhaps we encounter on our path those who do not choose to respect or hold sacred and protect the same thing that the panda holds and protects for us
do we worry about them? so we try and change them? do we ride their pony? do we let go of our own discipline and agreements so that they are not alone? how much ego and illusion do we let ourselves be caught in it only takes one small waver in our centeredness to be caught in their story and drenched holding inner peace isn't a rigid thing it is simply holding that center holding that peace holding that identity that we have decided on
thats right we get to decide over and over who we are and when someone comes along and asks us to change that commitment why do we give them and their desire precedence over our own inner peace? its a good question its something that only each one of us can answer for ourselves. its private only we can look in our own mirror and answer for ourselves what it is about us that makes us step from our story into theirs?
so what is that thing and what kind of skills do we need to be the Dragon Warriors of our Own Lives? most of all it takes deciding who we are in the mo
who are you? what does that mean and what will mean when the gorillas, the wolves, the Lord Shen's or the gardener ask us to step off our path and on to theirs? some of us are caught by sugar, some by acid, some by trauma, some by praise, some by work, some by effort some by stillness each of us knows what story it is that we get caught in and each of us needs to be given the gift of knowing that we do not have to play, finish, continue or stay caught we simply roll it all back up and let it go find ourselves in the now and be that only
is it worth it? the panda thinks so, and so do I
inner peace does not exist until it is not dependent on outer peace to exist and inner peace also is fully able to exist with an others inner peace or perhaps their loud and blatant disharmony without in any way being the same as that which it encounters cool huh?
so what is Po fighting for? good question I think he is simply fighting for level zero
for the right for each one of us to have our own inner peace
we know from circle practice that holding the principles and agreements of the circle helps us maintain our own personal integrity, our privacy, our strength, our place and chance of vulnerability that leads to inner strength. it helps prevent us from judging others and or ourselves it keeps us intact, clean, free to enjoy and create rather than destroy ourselves we know from practicing the circle practice that not everyone wants to hold these things or to abide by them we know that learning brings up things that need to be released but we don't let go of the practice and as long as we do not let go of it it will not fail us
so what is the panda fighting for ? that space that space that is around and between all of us where we hold our agreements for ourselves and each other that minute difference between my surface tension and yours is maintained by inner peace and by respect and the intention to create rather than to destroy
when someone takes over your space or breaks the agreements or confidentialities held in circle when someone asks you to set aside or break these confidentialities or agreements then they are asking you to set aside your own beauty way. they are asking you to destroy yourself they are enlisting you as the warrior of black and white that defeats you if you continue on your current path which may be your path after all and surely is their path if they are asking you to destroy that surface tension
what are the skills that help us recognize when we are either using the energy of our encounters with each other (fireworks/ gunpowder/the ignition of fire, air, earth and intention) for creating beauty or for destruction? is that not the difference between Lord Shen and his parents? is that not the difference between kung fu and violence? is that not the difference between holding and maintaining the principles, agreements and practices of circle practice and in breaking them?
creation or destruction
we can all tell the difference can't we
if we need more information or we need to consider before acting or responding we ask for the bell
even between us we can ask for the bell
stop hold it wait excuse me umm I can see this is urgent for you but I need a mo my undies are on fire wait I don't have any undies on got to pee!! hold that thought and while you are at it keep it to yourself I may be back but I won't want that thought then either so move on
there are a thousand and one ways to ring the bell and it is ok to do it at any time
hold it right there I need to make sure my foot ing is steady and where I want it to be
we don't give others control over our footing, our ears, our compassion, our interpretation, our agreements, our confidentiality, our presence or our story
if we do then we are putting them in the position of being Lord over our Life and that is not part of the circle practice
so what the Panda is protecting is that space that agreement that we have between and with each other and ourselves
there is a way to apply circle practice and agreements to your daily lives I know that for most of us at least i can speak for myself here that church was something we attended not a place we lived school was where we were taught, learned and were tested in our application of that learning, sports or kung fu class was for practicing team playing and kung fu discipline when I was a child, it seemed in the world I grew up in that none of these places seemed to over lap
my parents and others who were older than i; those who for me were the examplers of life and how to live it they seemed to have these on and off switches they used and when they left kung fu class discipline was left behind with it when they left church honorable behavior stayed behind when not at school teaching and growing seemed to be on a back burner it was confusing to me like letting go of what held us in good stead in these between places where we would all get lost and bad things would happen like gossip, and fear, and theft, and violence, and hatred, and all manner of negativity it was icky and it took me a long time to get rid of the idea of between places of its existence in my own life and then to not run away from others who were also taught to live like that and it also took a long time to learn to live in a constant care without weakness or judgement or like a stone or a hard place that felt nothing hard style is not my style and now I am learning even more how to be here and have that inner peace its quite cool
so one thing one thing is to not let go of the principles and practice and agreements of circle practice it will make a difference and we can be quite creative and funny in its application even as we are being steady no between places
the same sometimes happens when we go to grandmothers or attend ceremony or sit in circle practice because we are as equally trained to abandon what goes on when we are attentive and attend once we walk out of circle or go home from grandmothers as we are to be attentive and attend when we sit down in circle together
we don't have to leave circle practice behind in the circle
so i am suggesting that we do not do so that we merge and over lapp and combine our principles, our practices, our agreements, our disciplines, our joy, our respect our confidentialities and bring them out into our lives as if we are always in circle as if we are always kungfu and as if we are always holding in sacred joy the respect that I belong to me and my now you belong to yours and even if your past or mine did not have such a great beginning it is NOW that matters most
and what I would like most to do with the present of my present with my gift is to create rather than destroy
best to you
mb
so I was thinking about the grandmothers gathering and also about Kung Fu Panda 2
I was writing out some things some observations and in trying to condense down into succinctness that which is complex or full of nuance it took me awhile to find the best question because its all a question isn't it? and asking the most succinct question leads us to the most accurate, relevant applicable, i.e. deepest answer or at least that is what I have found to be true
so, here is the question: what is it that the Dragon Warrior is fighting for?
we know that he uses kung fu to save kung fu from that which destroys kung fu
this relatives, is the same as using circle practice to save circle practice from that which destroys circle practice what the Dragon Warrior and We bring to this practice is the willingness to dig deeper into the application of the agreements and principles and to learn what that looks like in an ever evolving world of non practice oh and lack of resistance to change both negative (outside the practice) and positive ( inside the practice) that is really something!
we know that he finds who he is today by letting go of the wounds of the past he is not what he was or what happened to him he is who he chooses to be now
we know he finds inner peace because we see him learn and practice the skill of holding himself as himself even as he reaches out and has an intentional encounter with a water droplet.
inner peace is what he is while he holds his place, his own identity separate from the water drop as he moves with it through time and space; letting it fall, letting it do its thing, and experiencing it, experiencing himself being himself while it moves across his awareness, through his space and time he moves with it WITHOUT absorbing it or modifying it or slowing it down or modifying himself as himself as he encounters it that is inner peace there is no impetus to exist in an others space and time in order to know or feel or experience that we exist both the water drop and the panda have inner peace in that time and space
during the gathering I was gently and thoughtfully lead through the exercise of gathering the "water" of someone else's "stuff" that had been splashed on me; words and emotions that were like acid and were intended to "drench" me and others in their intention, words and emotions that if held in the agreements of circle practice would simply go into the fire where they would find peace but, these words and emotions had been splashed about persistently and liberally outside of the circle and some of it had gotten on me. it is hard to hold the agreements of circle practice when others are not doing so, it is hard to learn the nuance of what that means, it is hard to see that everything is kung fu and what that means until that it we see it, we get it until we let go and hold on all at the same time,
I was not quite there yet I knew that I needed to hold on to circle practice I knew that inner peace about this was at hand and I just could not yet get it .... and I was fighting, struggling with not chewing on their fist, not letting their stuff absorb into me. so I sat with a friend and did not spew it on her I just outlined my own struggle to the center between us and she sat with me and reminded me gently to move that stuff off of me and to let it go back to the earth who would know best how to take good care of their stuff, there was no need for me to own, grab, change, judge, eat, chew on, pass on repeat or invest in what was theirs
I encountered them on their journey and I am and was on mine we travelled together in the same time and space but we were not the same and there was no need to be them or become them or have them become me for either of us to exist peacefully
sometimes people throw acid or spit acidic words and intentions on others or into their ears not sure what the motivation is Im sure it is personal it would be like trying to assign a motivation or cause to each raindrop that fell from the sky all I know is that it wasn't mine and I am and was under no obligation to take it in or on but because there was a deliberateness in the delivery and I was in the position of needing to move through the same time and space as this drop it was imperative that I not run away or get splashed and burned it was imperative that I maintain me peacefully and yet move that "stuff" through my encounter with it without becoming part of it or it part of me it was tough it is a tough concept until it is not LOL so much of our learning is like that isn't it? cell phones were a mystery until they were not so was tying shoes and walking we just don't remember
so I was struggling but close so I picked a good and steady friend to help me and she agreed so we sat
my friend sat with me and led me through the exercise of the water droplet and she spoke to me of beauty of laughter of gentleness and of song just regular things of our lives and friendship and as she spoke to me I let her words sweep up all that acid and gently put it back into a little ball that rolled off of me onto the earth
I didn't hold onto the acid until she was done
I didn't try to use her or me or our our-ness to dilute or explain it away
I didn't do anything but visualize that spoken acid being swept up and collected back to itself with peace and care and let it go
you see I know the earth is much much better with perspective than I am, she has more experience with acid spitters, violence and anger than even I do, she has more resources and much more ability and wisdom to care for what they were seeking or doing in a way that will take good care of them and her and I as well. I really mean that relatives it is not just an idea or something I repeat it is a truism in me and in sweeping up all that "stuff" and letting it roll off me with attentiveness and care it was a relief and I am grateful to my friend and the people at dreamwork and the panda and master shifu and oogway and the water for this teaching in practice I am also grateful to the acid spitters for the perfect timing of their gift that illuminated for me finally an immediate and beautiful opportunity to learn and actually experience this exercise in inner peace thank you
so acid spitters, confidentiality and circle practice breakers are one thing, but how does our Dragon Warrior hold onto inner peace when cannon balls are screaming towards him? how do we hold onto our circle practice and our kung fu, our inner peace; when someone wants to load us up with gossip and that someone is us? how do we maintain inner peace when that little urge to inflate our self worth rises up in the form of being someones champion presents itself to us? we save kung fu by using kung fu, we maintain circle practice by maintaining circle practice.
well lets go back to the beginners mind lets go back to zero lets go back to the principles and agreements and see if what we are fixin to do is in accordance with that or those or not?
the greatest strength that the Panda has is that he always goes back to zero always always always
we know that Po protects what is precious even that precious moment in the end when Lord Shen had the choice the moment when he could abandon his current path. the Panda does not choose for Shen he protects Shen's right to choose his own destiny no matter what he has chosen up to that moment he does not jump in and prevent Shen from destroying himself nor does he punish him for what he has done up to that moment he knows that just like himself Shen gets to decide who he is and ride that pony once he has saddled it
so one thing that scene teaches me is that sometimes the acid spitters burn down their own house around themselves it happens if you keep pouring sugar on a fire you started
thats the other nice thing about the Panda he knows that each of us can learn can and do choose and each of us gets to decide who we are and what pony we want to ride (by the way if the pony thing throws you it is just an old Texan thing we grew up saying; you saddled that pony I'm not going to ride it for you you can always turn it back out to pasture but if you insist on riding it its your pony)
remember even if your story did not have such a good beginning ( i.e. everything up to that moment ) it can still have a beautiful ending; it all depends on what you or I or we do with the gift of the present
inner peace comes from not letting our past or our projections about the future control our gift known as the present but it also comes from not letting anyone else's reality become our own it is possible to encounter someone whose reality is completely different than ours ( and what could be more different than a water drop that is on its way to falling to the ground and a big fat panda hand and arm finding it and moving with it through the air ) inner peace is holding ourself fluidly and thoughtfully and not putting our reality our shape our wherewithal on any other being even when we are as close as that water drop is to itself and Po, (Po doesn't change the water drop and the drop does not change him) while we also do not let them change us ( the water drop stays intact as itself even as it makes its way across him to the ground)
but it takes skill it takes practice it takes learning to dig a little deeper to produce the fruit of the present to hold onto our own beauty way when perhaps we encounter on our path those who do not choose to respect or hold sacred and protect the same thing that the panda holds and protects for us
do we worry about them? so we try and change them? do we ride their pony? do we let go of our own discipline and agreements so that they are not alone? how much ego and illusion do we let ourselves be caught in it only takes one small waver in our centeredness to be caught in their story and drenched holding inner peace isn't a rigid thing it is simply holding that center holding that peace holding that identity that we have decided on
thats right we get to decide over and over who we are and when someone comes along and asks us to change that commitment why do we give them and their desire precedence over our own inner peace? its a good question its something that only each one of us can answer for ourselves. its private only we can look in our own mirror and answer for ourselves what it is about us that makes us step from our story into theirs?
so what is that thing and what kind of skills do we need to be the Dragon Warriors of our Own Lives? most of all it takes deciding who we are in the mo
who are you? what does that mean and what will mean when the gorillas, the wolves, the Lord Shen's or the gardener ask us to step off our path and on to theirs? some of us are caught by sugar, some by acid, some by trauma, some by praise, some by work, some by effort some by stillness each of us knows what story it is that we get caught in and each of us needs to be given the gift of knowing that we do not have to play, finish, continue or stay caught we simply roll it all back up and let it go find ourselves in the now and be that only
is it worth it? the panda thinks so, and so do I
inner peace does not exist until it is not dependent on outer peace to exist and inner peace also is fully able to exist with an others inner peace or perhaps their loud and blatant disharmony without in any way being the same as that which it encounters cool huh?
so what is Po fighting for? good question I think he is simply fighting for level zero
for the right for each one of us to have our own inner peace
we know from circle practice that holding the principles and agreements of the circle helps us maintain our own personal integrity, our privacy, our strength, our place and chance of vulnerability that leads to inner strength. it helps prevent us from judging others and or ourselves it keeps us intact, clean, free to enjoy and create rather than destroy ourselves we know from practicing the circle practice that not everyone wants to hold these things or to abide by them we know that learning brings up things that need to be released but we don't let go of the practice and as long as we do not let go of it it will not fail us
so what is the panda fighting for ? that space that space that is around and between all of us where we hold our agreements for ourselves and each other that minute difference between my surface tension and yours is maintained by inner peace and by respect and the intention to create rather than to destroy
when someone takes over your space or breaks the agreements or confidentialities held in circle when someone asks you to set aside or break these confidentialities or agreements then they are asking you to set aside your own beauty way. they are asking you to destroy yourself they are enlisting you as the warrior of black and white that defeats you if you continue on your current path which may be your path after all and surely is their path if they are asking you to destroy that surface tension
what are the skills that help us recognize when we are either using the energy of our encounters with each other (fireworks/ gunpowder/the ignition of fire, air, earth and intention) for creating beauty or for destruction? is that not the difference between Lord Shen and his parents? is that not the difference between kung fu and violence? is that not the difference between holding and maintaining the principles, agreements and practices of circle practice and in breaking them?
creation or destruction
we can all tell the difference can't we
if we need more information or we need to consider before acting or responding we ask for the bell
even between us we can ask for the bell
stop hold it wait excuse me umm I can see this is urgent for you but I need a mo my undies are on fire wait I don't have any undies on got to pee!! hold that thought and while you are at it keep it to yourself I may be back but I won't want that thought then either so move on
there are a thousand and one ways to ring the bell and it is ok to do it at any time
hold it right there I need to make sure my foot ing is steady and where I want it to be
we don't give others control over our footing, our ears, our compassion, our interpretation, our agreements, our confidentiality, our presence or our story
if we do then we are putting them in the position of being Lord over our Life and that is not part of the circle practice
so what the Panda is protecting is that space that agreement that we have between and with each other and ourselves
there is a way to apply circle practice and agreements to your daily lives I know that for most of us at least i can speak for myself here that church was something we attended not a place we lived school was where we were taught, learned and were tested in our application of that learning, sports or kung fu class was for practicing team playing and kung fu discipline when I was a child, it seemed in the world I grew up in that none of these places seemed to over lap
my parents and others who were older than i; those who for me were the examplers of life and how to live it they seemed to have these on and off switches they used and when they left kung fu class discipline was left behind with it when they left church honorable behavior stayed behind when not at school teaching and growing seemed to be on a back burner it was confusing to me like letting go of what held us in good stead in these between places where we would all get lost and bad things would happen like gossip, and fear, and theft, and violence, and hatred, and all manner of negativity it was icky and it took me a long time to get rid of the idea of between places of its existence in my own life and then to not run away from others who were also taught to live like that and it also took a long time to learn to live in a constant care without weakness or judgement or like a stone or a hard place that felt nothing hard style is not my style and now I am learning even more how to be here and have that inner peace its quite cool
so one thing one thing is to not let go of the principles and practice and agreements of circle practice it will make a difference and we can be quite creative and funny in its application even as we are being steady no between places
the same sometimes happens when we go to grandmothers or attend ceremony or sit in circle practice because we are as equally trained to abandon what goes on when we are attentive and attend once we walk out of circle or go home from grandmothers as we are to be attentive and attend when we sit down in circle together
we don't have to leave circle practice behind in the circle
so i am suggesting that we do not do so that we merge and over lapp and combine our principles, our practices, our agreements, our disciplines, our joy, our respect our confidentialities and bring them out into our lives as if we are always in circle as if we are always kungfu and as if we are always holding in sacred joy the respect that I belong to me and my now you belong to yours and even if your past or mine did not have such a great beginning it is NOW that matters most
and what I would like most to do with the present of my present with my gift is to create rather than destroy
best to you
mb
Saturday, November 15, 2014
thanx in black and white
Good Evening Relatives
its our first real snow storm of the season today it peaceful Ive just returned from the grandmothers gathering in Az
it was an amazing giveaway of so much understanding so much beauty of the work that all the women put into the gathering the planning and circle practice practitioners came into blossom and fruition right in front of our eyes
I am especially pleased and grateful for the gifts of understanding that I was given from the various women who came to the gathering and gave their gifts to all who freely wanted to partake of them
thank you for your giveaway I am still considering and enjoying the unpacking of those gifts as I enjoy the silence and peace of the winter snow here in Pipestone
it was an extraordinary year this year it was a very balanced year from my perspective and I find that encouraging
I want to use todays post to say thank you to all who showed up and who shared in the gifts this year and I include in that thank you the Spirit Beings the land the Beings who participated as watchers and onlookers to the staff and those who at home made it possible for those who travelled and gathered to give and receive thank you thank you to those who brought the believing mirror those who brought the shadow and negative reflection so that we, you, I all could be assured that each of us were truly who we chose to be and had the conviction and heart to stand in our own presence in each others presence and be present thank you for that gift of making sure that I and others and yourself were steadfast in the commitment to be who we came to be and who we dedicate ourselves to be truly and without apology I understand and have known for many years that what to some is a darkness to others is a light and when a light shines in darkness it is simply that which illuminates what is unseen and often that light is a negativity that by its very willingness to show up so brightly helps me to discover the hidden way of positivity that I seek and yet cannot often find it is the same as finding life by being surrounded by death all that is not is what is
we are neither light or dark beings but the reflection of what is and the embodiment of what we choose and choose again and again to hold as precious in our own hearts and minds
it is without apology or judgment that I accept that it takes an entirety of experience to satisfy the need for a human being to finally become immovable in its centeredness to trust the path that unfolds as we continue to create our own way by choosing to deepen the principles and practices that we value
not all honor or value the same principles and practices and I accept and honor without judgement those who choose differently than me may we all go in peace and kindness into the future that we have and do create on a daily basis some to that which destroys and some to that which creates each in a world that lives and breathes as surely as the one each of us discards
thank you for your very precious gift for it is only in the presence of darkness that the value of the light is realized and it is only in the light that the desire for the comfort of the dark may be responded to with clarity
thank you
thank me
thank all
best this night and those that follow as we make our way into the birth of a new world peace to the old one as it is laid to rest
mb
its our first real snow storm of the season today it peaceful Ive just returned from the grandmothers gathering in Az
it was an amazing giveaway of so much understanding so much beauty of the work that all the women put into the gathering the planning and circle practice practitioners came into blossom and fruition right in front of our eyes
I am especially pleased and grateful for the gifts of understanding that I was given from the various women who came to the gathering and gave their gifts to all who freely wanted to partake of them
thank you for your giveaway I am still considering and enjoying the unpacking of those gifts as I enjoy the silence and peace of the winter snow here in Pipestone
it was an extraordinary year this year it was a very balanced year from my perspective and I find that encouraging
I want to use todays post to say thank you to all who showed up and who shared in the gifts this year and I include in that thank you the Spirit Beings the land the Beings who participated as watchers and onlookers to the staff and those who at home made it possible for those who travelled and gathered to give and receive thank you thank you to those who brought the believing mirror those who brought the shadow and negative reflection so that we, you, I all could be assured that each of us were truly who we chose to be and had the conviction and heart to stand in our own presence in each others presence and be present thank you for that gift of making sure that I and others and yourself were steadfast in the commitment to be who we came to be and who we dedicate ourselves to be truly and without apology I understand and have known for many years that what to some is a darkness to others is a light and when a light shines in darkness it is simply that which illuminates what is unseen and often that light is a negativity that by its very willingness to show up so brightly helps me to discover the hidden way of positivity that I seek and yet cannot often find it is the same as finding life by being surrounded by death all that is not is what is
we are neither light or dark beings but the reflection of what is and the embodiment of what we choose and choose again and again to hold as precious in our own hearts and minds
it is without apology or judgment that I accept that it takes an entirety of experience to satisfy the need for a human being to finally become immovable in its centeredness to trust the path that unfolds as we continue to create our own way by choosing to deepen the principles and practices that we value
not all honor or value the same principles and practices and I accept and honor without judgement those who choose differently than me may we all go in peace and kindness into the future that we have and do create on a daily basis some to that which destroys and some to that which creates each in a world that lives and breathes as surely as the one each of us discards
thank you for your very precious gift for it is only in the presence of darkness that the value of the light is realized and it is only in the light that the desire for the comfort of the dark may be responded to with clarity
thank you
thank me
thank all
best this night and those that follow as we make our way into the birth of a new world peace to the old one as it is laid to rest
mb
Monday, October 13, 2014
face off
Good Morning Relatives
well its a nice fall rainy day and the fire is going and I am doing my best to choke down my protein shake uggh lol no matter how much I make them with fresh fresh fresh they are nasty
but got to get vitamins somehow and I just don't live close enough to a good market to get fresh food that is great and full of vitamins!!! anyhow thats probably tmi
this weekend was spent at the women in spirituality conference in Mankato it was as always an interesting place and time and a bit deeper for me this year than last which is also interesting
so I tried a Facebook experience for a bit this summer and early fall what I found was that the more time I spent on that site the less I spent here
also I found that people on average rarely ever wrote anything they like things they repeated what others had like or sent on and there was very little that seemed to me that was original or personal
most of the people that I was "friends" with never email me or call with the exception of two people who responded immediately with notes and well wishes and then donations none of the "friends" responded at all to a go fund me campaign that I posted about multiple times a day to help a dog that needs cataract surgery to restore her vision it was amusing to me or perhaps disheartening they sort of feel the same to find out that if I was willing to post cutesy pictures or anecdotes or what have you then people glommed on to my words but when i asked for help yes for money and support everyone pretended I did not exist by the way here is the link for that campaign
gofund.me/givenewk9eyes
is that what our friendship has become? the inability to be personal original honest or thoughtful invested truly in anothers care? and I am not talking about money only I am talking about people asking hey how is that fund raising going? hey how is that dog does she run into trees? is she not as scared this week? does she play well and will you let us know how her surgery turns out? or I didn't know dogs could get cataracts or wow she is so young !
so relatives I offed myself off of Facebook
the price of these friends is too high for me because it means that in order to keep going with that media I have had to accept that my friends had lost what made me enjoy them in the first place when we met and spent time together in person and personally I would rather not reduce them or myself to that less-ness we are worth more than that or than the habits that are subtle and distracting and teach us that less is enough and casual and surface is satisfactory
take care with your faces and your hearts relatives
best
mary
well its a nice fall rainy day and the fire is going and I am doing my best to choke down my protein shake uggh lol no matter how much I make them with fresh fresh fresh they are nasty
but got to get vitamins somehow and I just don't live close enough to a good market to get fresh food that is great and full of vitamins!!! anyhow thats probably tmi
this weekend was spent at the women in spirituality conference in Mankato it was as always an interesting place and time and a bit deeper for me this year than last which is also interesting
so I tried a Facebook experience for a bit this summer and early fall what I found was that the more time I spent on that site the less I spent here
also I found that people on average rarely ever wrote anything they like things they repeated what others had like or sent on and there was very little that seemed to me that was original or personal
most of the people that I was "friends" with never email me or call with the exception of two people who responded immediately with notes and well wishes and then donations none of the "friends" responded at all to a go fund me campaign that I posted about multiple times a day to help a dog that needs cataract surgery to restore her vision it was amusing to me or perhaps disheartening they sort of feel the same to find out that if I was willing to post cutesy pictures or anecdotes or what have you then people glommed on to my words but when i asked for help yes for money and support everyone pretended I did not exist by the way here is the link for that campaign
gofund.me/givenewk9eyes
is that what our friendship has become? the inability to be personal original honest or thoughtful invested truly in anothers care? and I am not talking about money only I am talking about people asking hey how is that fund raising going? hey how is that dog does she run into trees? is she not as scared this week? does she play well and will you let us know how her surgery turns out? or I didn't know dogs could get cataracts or wow she is so young !
so relatives I offed myself off of Facebook
the price of these friends is too high for me because it means that in order to keep going with that media I have had to accept that my friends had lost what made me enjoy them in the first place when we met and spent time together in person and personally I would rather not reduce them or myself to that less-ness we are worth more than that or than the habits that are subtle and distracting and teach us that less is enough and casual and surface is satisfactory
take care with your faces and your hearts relatives
best
mary
Friday, October 10, 2014
frost on the pumpkin
good morning relatives
it was beautiful this morning when we went out there was frost everywhere and as the sun came on up and the dogs raced around Ic ould feel the heat that was melting the frost it was amazing
the ground is getting harder firmer and it is readying itself for the snow and ice that will come
it is like breathing in qigong in out strong soft up down hard soft I am now doing my qigong every morning after the dog walk before coffee when lying in bed in the early morning I practice what the tai chi masters call reverse breathing
in fully slowly pulling the stomach and diaphragm up causes the upper lobes of the lungs to inflate under the collar bones it is like tiny wings filling with air
then slowly out down diaphragm and stomach to the dantien the center that is just below the belly button
do not hold stress or intention in the heart do not hold or grasp the heart move all intention and cause and effect to the dantien
that is the navel of the earth breathing in and out as the frost covers the warm ground that is cooling as its intention changes
how is our intention today relatives
mb
it was beautiful this morning when we went out there was frost everywhere and as the sun came on up and the dogs raced around Ic ould feel the heat that was melting the frost it was amazing
the ground is getting harder firmer and it is readying itself for the snow and ice that will come
it is like breathing in qigong in out strong soft up down hard soft I am now doing my qigong every morning after the dog walk before coffee when lying in bed in the early morning I practice what the tai chi masters call reverse breathing
in fully slowly pulling the stomach and diaphragm up causes the upper lobes of the lungs to inflate under the collar bones it is like tiny wings filling with air
then slowly out down diaphragm and stomach to the dantien the center that is just below the belly button
do not hold stress or intention in the heart do not hold or grasp the heart move all intention and cause and effect to the dantien
that is the navel of the earth breathing in and out as the frost covers the warm ground that is cooling as its intention changes
how is our intention today relatives
mb
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
falling down
Good Morning Relatives
How is your fall coming down? it has been pleasant here at the center of the east and west gate the leaves are changing and falling all in the same day some days are in the 80's some in the 50's all perfect in their own way
how many of us have tried to figure out what it means to have ourselves even for one day perfectly?
I think for me it has been hardest to root out judgement and fear self judgment judgement of others fear of finding out who I am and of being different even as I enjoyed the wonder and amazement the satisfaction that that difference privately provided me
so back to the meditation on the tree
each part connected to the whole each part a cell of the heartwood, the cambium, the bark, the root, the branch, the leaf each and everyone the same in its identity as being a part of a beautiful whole yet each part each intake and exhale of lifes breath through each cell differently perceived differently used appreciated or resisted each leaf the same but so so very different
and the entire thing at peace with its difference at peace with its combination
long after I thought I had discovered what it meant to accept me I began to do so
long after I thought I had discovered what it meant to accept you I began to do so
fear abates finally
peace takes its place fills me with the simpleness of standing still
it is enough
How is your fall coming down? it has been pleasant here at the center of the east and west gate the leaves are changing and falling all in the same day some days are in the 80's some in the 50's all perfect in their own way
how many of us have tried to figure out what it means to have ourselves even for one day perfectly?
I think for me it has been hardest to root out judgement and fear self judgment judgement of others fear of finding out who I am and of being different even as I enjoyed the wonder and amazement the satisfaction that that difference privately provided me
so back to the meditation on the tree
each part connected to the whole each part a cell of the heartwood, the cambium, the bark, the root, the branch, the leaf each and everyone the same in its identity as being a part of a beautiful whole yet each part each intake and exhale of lifes breath through each cell differently perceived differently used appreciated or resisted each leaf the same but so so very different
and the entire thing at peace with its difference at peace with its combination
long after I thought I had discovered what it meant to accept me I began to do so
long after I thought I had discovered what it meant to accept you I began to do so
fear abates finally
peace takes its place fills me with the simpleness of standing still
it is enough
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Love Needs a Footprint
Good Morning Relatives
I thought about the events that took place on 9-11-01 truly a day of lunacy and since that day we have been at war for over 5110 days we as a nation acted as if we could eliminate the vulgar the horrific the violent from our world body if we went to war and did our best to kill what brought us so much pain and loss then somehow that would make it all go away make it better make us normal again but how can we ever be normal if normal means that which never felt loss or pain or put upon by those who cannot think beyond death why have we put our lives in the hands of those who such a small and tight and painful grip on the soul of the world why do we not see that they are the small thorn that reminds us why we take a break and laugh, or play, or be gentle and generous
the war that followed 9-11 was not just about vengeance, it was about profit and dominance of one right over another using might using death, starvation, threat of violence, economic infiltration and dominance
instead of our government helping us heal from that tragic day they have made the scar bigger and deeper
it just seems to not make very much sense does it?
what happened to making the peaceful bigger what happened to our global footprint?
for two years I have been dealing with the pain and loss, the fear and change in my psyche that falling and being crushed did to me. I thought last winter that I had it made I was in the clear and on the road to freedom when I slipped on the ice at the little job I had taken on and fell again, only this time even though the fall was not as horrific the injuries to my shoulder were more severe and have more devastating effect.
why does this matter? how does it relate to 9-11 ?
falling down changed my self perspective the pain and persistent losses attract my focus like flies to butter or dogs to a bone the efforts to heal, rehabilitate and restore my upper left quadrant to its former or I would even settle for a new glory keep that focus squarely on the damage and pain meter that became the only mirror in which I gazed striving to see a me that did not have pain and loss or that memory of such an horrific event in my mind, in my day, in my life
I think many of us want the horror and the pain in our lives to be gone like magic to be eliminated like the Taliban from the face of our earth
but its not going to happen we can't erase events and if we did it would surely erase those who died while on their innocent road those who were bringing beauty to their lives and the lives of those who they knew erasing would erase them as well
but if you are or were anything like me after I was injured all I can think about is I don't want this pain I don't want to feel this way I don't remember what I used to do only what I can't do now and my day is measured in pain and loss and unbeknownst to me my upper left quadrant became my identity and the more I pushed and struggled against it the less of me as a happy person or a peaceful person existed
then the rehab people put me in the pool and what a difference all of the sudden what I could feel was that there was more of me that was happy, whole and healthy than the 1/4 of me that was not and even in that 1/4 there were parts that were not all bad it was a new day and I had happy back in my life
then I went to the lymphologist and she worked on my left quadrant to move the stagnant lymph out of its entrenchment and all of that toxicity hitting my system made me sick and it brought all that pain right back but this time because I had been in the pool and found happy in me real as all get out that pain persona had a hole in its argument that it owned me that it defined me and that it was all that I should focus on
there is a difference when we are called to fight or to respond in kind to violence when we do not let that violence take hold of our identity, there is a difference in us and created in our world when we, rather than fighting, call to mind that which is not violent that which is not in pain and instead lift up hold and consider truly all the kindness and goodness and peace that also exists
I am typing here one hand quiet and peaceful one hand in terrific pain, tight, reactive. both are me one the quiet one feels like love to me the other feels like war ready to leap off the cliff and take me with it to a bitter end
before the pool I forgot about how most of me is love most of me is quiet and steady I only thought about the war that I was raging against events that changed me events that I cannot erase from my cellular memory I thought I was doing the right thing going to war against me
but now I am not so sure
I think the pain will recede, I think the tissues mend, I think it will take time, perhaps the rest of my life to heal and to rebuild and I may never live another day without that footprint of horror in my body but what I find is that I have two feet two hands two shoulders two rib cages and one is quiet both are me as a whole being I find that the pain is not so overwhelming when I look at the sum total of who I am and I find that just admitting the presence of love, of peace in myself makes the pain more bearable it doesn't magically change me into a functional perfect being but it changes my self identification and it changes my sense of worth it give me grace it reminds me of the life that was before and the life that is still a good life it keeps me from warring with me and I have an idea that without that war I would and will eventually have more peace in my body than pain
love has to have a footprint in our life
we can choose to strengthen that which makes war or strengthen that which makes peace peace dose not come by killing that part of us that feels pain or has suffered loss we cannot conquer death but we can live life can't we?
we cannot win a war ever there is no erasing or eliminating pain or death with more pain and death and with cutting off our hateful parts from that which is greater that which is peaceful
we are all of it and until we stop raging against ourselves we will never rest
find the love in you find the peace give it a foot print lay down your arms against yourself
I have
mb
I thought about the events that took place on 9-11-01 truly a day of lunacy and since that day we have been at war for over 5110 days we as a nation acted as if we could eliminate the vulgar the horrific the violent from our world body if we went to war and did our best to kill what brought us so much pain and loss then somehow that would make it all go away make it better make us normal again but how can we ever be normal if normal means that which never felt loss or pain or put upon by those who cannot think beyond death why have we put our lives in the hands of those who such a small and tight and painful grip on the soul of the world why do we not see that they are the small thorn that reminds us why we take a break and laugh, or play, or be gentle and generous
the war that followed 9-11 was not just about vengeance, it was about profit and dominance of one right over another using might using death, starvation, threat of violence, economic infiltration and dominance
instead of our government helping us heal from that tragic day they have made the scar bigger and deeper
it just seems to not make very much sense does it?
what happened to making the peaceful bigger what happened to our global footprint?
for two years I have been dealing with the pain and loss, the fear and change in my psyche that falling and being crushed did to me. I thought last winter that I had it made I was in the clear and on the road to freedom when I slipped on the ice at the little job I had taken on and fell again, only this time even though the fall was not as horrific the injuries to my shoulder were more severe and have more devastating effect.
why does this matter? how does it relate to 9-11 ?
falling down changed my self perspective the pain and persistent losses attract my focus like flies to butter or dogs to a bone the efforts to heal, rehabilitate and restore my upper left quadrant to its former or I would even settle for a new glory keep that focus squarely on the damage and pain meter that became the only mirror in which I gazed striving to see a me that did not have pain and loss or that memory of such an horrific event in my mind, in my day, in my life
I think many of us want the horror and the pain in our lives to be gone like magic to be eliminated like the Taliban from the face of our earth
but its not going to happen we can't erase events and if we did it would surely erase those who died while on their innocent road those who were bringing beauty to their lives and the lives of those who they knew erasing would erase them as well
but if you are or were anything like me after I was injured all I can think about is I don't want this pain I don't want to feel this way I don't remember what I used to do only what I can't do now and my day is measured in pain and loss and unbeknownst to me my upper left quadrant became my identity and the more I pushed and struggled against it the less of me as a happy person or a peaceful person existed
then the rehab people put me in the pool and what a difference all of the sudden what I could feel was that there was more of me that was happy, whole and healthy than the 1/4 of me that was not and even in that 1/4 there were parts that were not all bad it was a new day and I had happy back in my life
then I went to the lymphologist and she worked on my left quadrant to move the stagnant lymph out of its entrenchment and all of that toxicity hitting my system made me sick and it brought all that pain right back but this time because I had been in the pool and found happy in me real as all get out that pain persona had a hole in its argument that it owned me that it defined me and that it was all that I should focus on
there is a difference when we are called to fight or to respond in kind to violence when we do not let that violence take hold of our identity, there is a difference in us and created in our world when we, rather than fighting, call to mind that which is not violent that which is not in pain and instead lift up hold and consider truly all the kindness and goodness and peace that also exists
I am typing here one hand quiet and peaceful one hand in terrific pain, tight, reactive. both are me one the quiet one feels like love to me the other feels like war ready to leap off the cliff and take me with it to a bitter end
before the pool I forgot about how most of me is love most of me is quiet and steady I only thought about the war that I was raging against events that changed me events that I cannot erase from my cellular memory I thought I was doing the right thing going to war against me
but now I am not so sure
I think the pain will recede, I think the tissues mend, I think it will take time, perhaps the rest of my life to heal and to rebuild and I may never live another day without that footprint of horror in my body but what I find is that I have two feet two hands two shoulders two rib cages and one is quiet both are me as a whole being I find that the pain is not so overwhelming when I look at the sum total of who I am and I find that just admitting the presence of love, of peace in myself makes the pain more bearable it doesn't magically change me into a functional perfect being but it changes my self identification and it changes my sense of worth it give me grace it reminds me of the life that was before and the life that is still a good life it keeps me from warring with me and I have an idea that without that war I would and will eventually have more peace in my body than pain
love has to have a footprint in our life
we can choose to strengthen that which makes war or strengthen that which makes peace peace dose not come by killing that part of us that feels pain or has suffered loss we cannot conquer death but we can live life can't we?
we cannot win a war ever there is no erasing or eliminating pain or death with more pain and death and with cutting off our hateful parts from that which is greater that which is peaceful
we are all of it and until we stop raging against ourselves we will never rest
find the love in you find the peace give it a foot print lay down your arms against yourself
I have
mb
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)