Good Morning Relatives
its warm enough today that the ground looks like a brown and green and white pinto pony the embrace of winter is easing into the earth and the sky
how long has it been since we learned not to hold onto that which makes us sick that which when grasped tight to our chest holds us in its grip and poisons our thoughts and our perspective
it has been an interesting and long but frankly now forgotten journey for me to find the way of no way
no way meaning there is no way I am going to bed with that idea there is no way that I am going to be the refuse dump for what so severely disappointed you and I promise not to treat you like my own personal round bin either
this year is the first year that I am solidly confident that it can be done we can outgrow kill off walk away from replace that nasty behavior in ourselves and in doing so give an example of this type of peacefulness for each other
and perhaps if I can do it you can do it and if you can do it then that makes two and two makes for and then on to five gold rings
do you see how we can make the world less which is after all more
I truly truly am repeatably daily here and not here at the same time way cool
way doable and I didn't think it could be done and I didn't know what it was like but now that I AM I can so tell that it is so right on!
Sweeeeeeet
this is good this is worth it and it is doable
the idea is taught in kung fu panda 2 actually the idea of inner peace and non inner peace and where the two paths lead is so illustrated by that movie awesomeness for sure
so its our choice what we want to hold on to its our choice whether or not we want to be hard like a stone or strong like a rock its our choice if we let the events of our past or even of someone else's past color our present and captivate our future
sometimes after ceremony people pull me aside and ask me to wade through their pain or their negativity or their fear or their own struggle with their own struggly bits
I remember being someone who thought she had to wrestle with herself all over someone else's ear pans in order to have my pain be real to vent my frustration to be angry without having the nerve or the articulateness to be angry with those who actually caused it what ever
and I do mean what ever
I needed to blast around why because it is what we do because the struggly bits that I was holding on to were so valid to me so life changing so dramatic so what ever
whatever meaning whatever it was the thing that I wasn't realizing was that it was me clinging to grasping at and struggling with those bits that was damaging and captivating me preventing me from having anything but that crap that whatever when it was long gone down the river and me with it
let it go
if you need care and emergency help get it
if you need to take a moment to compose a reply that is yours and not pushed by someoneelse's pointed stick take that moment and then stand and deliver
if you need to run away get on it girl
if you need to simply turn aside and brush off what was trying to cling and refocus on what you were doing no problem
but the wounds of the past heal scars fade life moves on do you with it?
so sometimes after ceremony or teaching a workshop people want me to fix or solve or listen to their struggly bits and the truth is I care about them and I can see that they are struggling but it is not my struggle and I am not a counselor and my time and life is more precious to me than their stuff and I don't want to have to filter or clean off of me what ails them and that is the reality of it
what is also the reality of it is that I can see that they are worth more than their precious struggly bits and in that moment they cannot
so let it go let it go let it go and don't look back
and in its place have right now eat a caramel apple pop brush your hair go for a swim look in the mirror and find five things you really love about yourself roll around on the grass begin the ceremony of dinner or lunch or tea exhale do quigong hold hands without talking with yourself
be something other than destructive be something that has the moment rather than assigning it to the past
so yesterday I received a card in the mail that was full of negativity interspersed with nicety complements and derision bitterness pain and way embedded in that card was the tiny seed of what perhaps might if a crowbar long and large enough could be positioned might turn out to be a person who was seeking themselves by looking in my mirror perhaps but only if I screwed up my eyes and looked out my left ear did I see it mostly what I saw was the old way that I used to catch myself up in what it meant to be spiritual or a leader or a friend or whatever an old idea of me is what I saw and it is not and was not for me to be the answer to that writer or even to determine what they were or are seeking I saw pain and the ability to write it down and send it on so I sent it on into the fire
I could feel the old me wanting to not do that the old me seeking somehow some way to be there and what is funny relatives is that I finally saw that the best way for me to be there was to let that water drop of pain on paper move across me without breaking or drenching me or becoming me or me making it into something I NEEDED to do or have or be and I let it fall in its entirety into the fire
nice
so don't try and be there other than being there its enough then walk away and trust them to get on with their life the way they want to
its been an entire lifetime of looking for me deciding what that meant and didn't mean trying on things and discovering what is true and not true in this place and time about me and once again at the end of this day I am closer and I am free er and I AM with you and without you at the same time pretty cool
thanx to the water and the fire and the panda and to you relatives for helping me find me it is the work and journey along the day that in the year brings what we have gathered individually to the table to be shared among friends
this is my work shop
mb
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