face off

Good Morning Relatives

well its a nice fall rainy day  and the fire is going and I am doing my best to choke down my protein shake   uggh  lol  no matter how much I make them with fresh fresh fresh  they are nasty

but got to get vitamins somehow and I just don't live close enough to a good market to get fresh food that is great and full of vitamins!!!  anyhow thats probably tmi

this weekend was spent at the women in spirituality conference in Mankato  it was as always an interesting place   and time  and a bit deeper for me this year than last  which is also interesting

so I tried a Facebook experience for a bit this summer and early fall    what I found was that the more time I spent on that site  the less I spent here

also I found that people on average rarely ever wrote anything   they like things  they repeated what others had like or sent on  and there was very little that seemed to me that was original or personal

most of the people that I was "friends" with  never email me  or call   with the exception of two people who responded immediately with notes and well wishes and then donations  none of the "friends" responded at all to a go fund me campaign that I posted about multiple times a day to help a dog that needs cataract surgery to restore her vision    it was amusing to me or perhaps disheartening  they sort of feel the same to find out that if I was willing to post cutesy pictures or anecdotes or what have you then people glommed on to my words  but when i asked for help  yes for money and support  everyone pretended I did not exist    by the way  here is the link for that campaign

gofund.me/givenewk9eyes


is that what our friendship has become?   the inability to be personal  original  honest or thoughtful  invested truly in anothers care?  and I am not talking about money only  I am talking about people asking  hey  how is that fund raising going?   hey how is that dog   does she run into trees?  is she not as scared this week?  does she play well and will you let us know how her surgery turns out?  or I didn't know dogs could get cataracts  or wow she is so young !

so relatives   I offed myself off of Facebook  

the price of these friends is too high for me  because it means that in order to keep going with that media  I have had to accept that my friends had lost what made me enjoy them in the first place when we met and spent time together in person  and personally I would rather not reduce them or myself to that less-ness    we are worth more than that or than the habits that are subtle and distracting and teach us that less is enough and casual and surface is satisfactory

take care with your faces and your hearts relatives

best
mary