The Point is Not the Pain

Oh Relatives

Good Morning

We bagan early this morning.   I had a dream about reconnecting with lost times and places.  About reconnecting with what we Put Aside when we were Busy or when we were Focused on what was not living but was perhaps Safe.

When I was I think 24 years of age  It is hard for me to remember age times  I remember Doings and Places and can see me but not often recall my age  anyhow  it was I think when I was 23 or 24 ish  I woke up one morning and was completely suicidal.  I was filled with Death.  it was frightening and I was not sure what to do.  Realizing I needed Help! I called a dear Friend of mine and told her that something was Wrong and I could not be alone that day.  I had received word from my mom the week prior that my Uncle was in the hospital   he had fallen off the silo at his dairy farm and he was not doing well.  I had gotten a card right away and wrote in it ( I still remember it was a get well card and on the front was a Cowboy with his Horse and his Dog taking a lunch Break, the Cowboy was giving his dog half the sandwich, on the front it said, I hear you are not feeling well, maybe it was something you ate,  Inside it said, next time give the Dog the Whole sandwich).  Inside that card I wrote everything that he meant to me.. all the times he stood between me and my dad ( his brother)  all the times he had said to me that I could always come to his home even after being disowned for being a Lesbian, all the times he had taught me about the inventions he would make to help things go better,  all the love I could see in his girls my cousins and in his joy in his wife.  He was a Good Man and full of Love.  I had sent the card and was trying to gather the money to go down and see him.  LOL I have at times in my life Relatives been really really poor.

So the morning I woke up with Death sitting all around and inside me and i felt like the Only answer was to end my life to stop all the Pain that was inescapable when I woke up.  My girlfriend thought I was being dramatic so she went off to work.  I knew I needed help though and i was not safe alone, I called my friend Liz and   She came over to my house to be with me.  We took out the yellow pages and started calling every counselor we could find, every therapy place for anyone who could see me. Believe me in Minneapolis that is a lot of numbers!

No one could get me in.  It was unbelievable!  no one could get me in not only that morning but at all that day.  It was Crazy!  WE tried all day. to get me to see someone.  We went outside and went walking, my friend stayed with me all day.  she could see that I was wrong and something had a hold of me that was terrifying.  Neither of us were willing to let me be alone at all that day.   It was a very long day Relatives  very long   that evening we were driving down Chicago Ave in Mpls and passed a sign that said walk in counseling crisis center.  We whipped around and parked and went in.  It opened at 7 pm and they already had a line so I signed up and waited with my friend for my turn.  I could feel more and more pressure building inside me  and was less and less able to speak.  just before 8 pm I was called and went with the counselor up to her office.  she asked me what was going on as I had written on the intake that I was acutely, unrelentingly and overwhelmingly suicidal.  I just stared at her and watched the clock that was up on the wall to my left.  when the clock hands got to 8:05 PM I said to her my uncle is going to die and I will never see him again and my girlfriend won't give me the money to so see him and I burst into tears and all the pressure was gone.  

I don't even remember the rest of the conversation with that counselor, or going home.  but I very clearly remember that moment at 8:05.   the next morning the phone rang at the house and my mom was on the line  my Uncle had died at 8:05PM the night before.  When she told me that blood started pouring out of my nose like a hose pipe.  I just laid the phone down and wept for my Uncle.   I think that when I looked at my girlfriend I knew two things that morning, our relationship was over and that perhaps there was more to me than met the eye.

I think that event was training for Lame Deer and Training for today, and Today is Training for What is Coming.  I think that What is Coming is Really Painful and Yet will come to Pass and During it I , WE, Relatives have to Hold The Fire   I think my whole Life has been Training for what is coming.  What you are calling into Being.

that night my uncle came to see me in the dreamtime.  Like my Dad He was also of Arapaho Blood through my GMa  Nannie.  he told me that he was going to Pass On to Me the Family gift.  He said that  Whatever I wanted I would have,  that whatever I wished or wanted to make real would Become.  that was our bloodline gift and he was giving it to me.

since that time Relatives I have learned as best as I can to be careful what I wish for.  those Old Spirits are Really really strong.  They made and can remake the world.  Especially if we Ask for it.  that is why it is so Important to love each other as we are, to let You know Relatives that I need you,  I need your Love I need to know from you that you remember me in the day,  that you think of me and care about me. I don't often remember to tell people that I need them.  today I remembered to tell you   I need you   it is because of you that the day is not just sweeter  it is in balance.  I think of you all day when I am working or writing or making this Way, I probly don't call to tell you enough that I see you and I love you and I think of you and hold you close to my heart.    so I am telling you now Today

One of the things that I learned once my Nannie died then came and told me about us being Arapaho is that we are Thunder Dreamers,  from the ring neck lizard clan.   The lizard dreams of the future then can step into it and either change it, accept it, or avoid it.  I have used that Medicine in my life relatives and I Accept it into my Being.  that Medicine gave me a Dream last night and was painful. I Believe it was given so that I could go through it, hold the fire, put this world and that one together in one space and then give it back to you.

In Last Nights Dream I was taken back to a house that was once lived in,  it was where I had been Before,  years ago,   on my way there someone stopped me and wanted me to investigate a man that was not treating his wife's dogs very well.  They were grey poodles,  and he made them stay outside in a pen with no food or water  in the Elements and they were suffering.  They needed Love and Care  they were suffering from the division between him and his wife, between the stone in his heart and her care for the dogs but disconnect between him and her  between their ability to Trust and to Connect, to Communicate Peacefully.   I saw them but did not intervene as I could see that it was not for me to change that thing, what caused what was going on there with them as a ripple effect of something Deeper. So the Spirits took me Deeper,

so I got to a house an apartment that I could tell had been mine and seemed familiar but I could not really truly remember it  or remember that it was mine.  it was like trying to pull a memory out of Non-Existence.  Like part of my brain had Erased it.    I got inside and when I did I realized that I had left My dog in that house.  I was Mortified!  with a rush I remembered her and I walked through the house seeing papers scattered, everything was dusty and it was cold with Lack and with loss of Connection and I could see dog shit everywhere because she could not get Outside and she was hungry and thirsty, and I was in Shock and Pain at what I was seeing Meant about Me and what my mind, my Brain had done to my dog.  Relatives i was Terrified to See it.  To LOOK at the mess and the disconnect and the suffering it caused.  it was Horrible  to think to KNOW that I Was REsponsible for this Horrible Abandonment.  I had so clearly and perfectly hidden the Knowledge of this House and Her from MySelf that while I could Recognize Once I saw it  There was NO Consciousness in me that had Maintained the connection and Care of Her and That Place and Where I had Been All along.

it was Horrible     I cannot tell you Relatives how it Felt that Pain for what I had done to Her  my Dog
but the Most Horrible thing was Realizing that I had Been So Separate from this Place that so Clearly was MINE ALSO.  I kept shaking my head trying to clear the utter Foreign feeling of having an Entire Part of me that was so Obviously Me and had bee and Still Was mine be so Lost to me for So Long.

I followed the Trail and her sound until i found her and kept opening doors and opening doors and realized that Thankfully there was a Back way open to someone who had been there  Someone who Had come down and see to her Needs for Me while I was completely Missing in all Realms

As I found her the Woman who had Cared for my Dog came down the stairs and as I looked up into her face with Horror and Fear and Sadness and Pain and Gratefulness she wrapped her arms around me and Held me   And I Knew Her,  I Remembered her!  " I was so worried for you," she said,   "I was afraid you were Lost that you were not ok.  It is not like you to not take care of your Dog and to Leave her for So Long."

her comfort and care and utter love was so healing    

I looked around and said that I had a lot of cleaning up to do. At that point she sat me down and said, "This is the Work to be Done,"  and she asked me to help her with work on her dog. I realized that she did not care one hooty about cleaning up,  it was as if the Past did not matter because all the Matter was to be Now All Together  in the Work Now.  I started looking through papers to try and find the forms to figure out how to charge for procedures and it was really hard  to center and to focus, it did not seem correct to go backwards. So, not knowing what to do I said to her, "let me do this for you for Free because of what you have done for my dog and me."  She looked me in the eye and Said.  "No, You do not Work for Free. What was given was Given and that is That.  What I am asking you to do Now you must get paid for Now to restore the balance."  she was really really clear about not holding on to shame, to guilt or to payback for what was done to take care while I was Lost. If there is any place Relatives that I will Learn the Most from in that Dream it is there in that time sitting in all that shit and papers with her and me and her trying to impart to me how to make it so in the way that it will Become.

I woke up from the Dream.  my heart was in Pain but I refused to Let go of that Dog or Her or that Place.  My training to Hold the Fire and to Endure the Lesson so that It can be Given Away held on to Me.  I did not push or Scurry in my head  I just kept reviewing the message in the dream.  Reviewing it over and over  looking at each piece. Holding it to the Light and putting it in the Fire so that I could See it.  understand and Wait for the Prayer.

I waited until it was Time to get Up    then I got dressed and sought out the Purpose in the Air in the Day,  I watched the Kitty waiting for me to get Dressed. I walked over to the Pipes in their Bundles and Laid on them and said,  forgive me  forgive me for my failures, for my Fear, for my losses, and Forgotten times, Forgive me for what I threw away, or put Aside because I did not Trust and did Not Remember or Know, I am Here,  I am here and I Open my heart to you I and Here Now  I am so very very sorry for all that I did not See and All that I did not take good care of.  My Friends thank you for loving me  thank you for taking care of everything thank you for Staying with me.  Even Now.   All the while holding Embracing the Dream  all of it  All of it.  Letting it come waiting for the teaching,

 then I went downstairs and let the Kitty out got my tobacco, took the food for the Dogs, checked their water and then stood to look at the Sky.  the Morning Star was there  watching me.  I  took my tobacco and breathed on it. held it in my hand and let the Dream Flow through me into the Tobacco. Again I began to cry and again said to the morning to each direction to each Being in Every Place  I am Sorry  I am So very Sorry for My In actions and my blindness for my Lack and what it has caused.   and I was met with Love Relatives
I was met with Love

so I believe that this Dream was for me  for You  for all of us.   I believe that if we are going to Change the world and we Are.   Then we will at one time or another come upon a house, an apartment, a Place where we will discover all that we have left behind  all that we have Shut out  all that we Laid aside because we were overwhelmed, because we were not connected, because we did not know how to be truly supportive, and truly to care for each other and each thing living thing.  we Will come upon this place,     it is impossible not to reconnect and not see what was not done.  and its effect. The Point isn't the Pain Relatives,  It is the Holding Together of the Two Worlds  Holding them Together
Holding Them Awake Together AT One TIME

so I believe that this Dream was given so that we, I , You can know that Despite that Terrible Pain of Realization, that there is a Being waiting for us that will embrace us and ask us to begin again.  

that we are to feel the Pain of it but Not to Dwell in it   That we are to Reconnect and Feel the Lack we created so that we can See where to reinvest and How to Hold the World of the Spirits with and In and through This World clearly and cleanly and that we allow the Abundance that is created in that place to flow back and into us to sustain us

  Not so that we give our lives away again out of guilt or shame. But that we Begin Finally the Life we were Created to have the Life that IS in the Center Fire  it is Between the What Is What Was and What Can Be, the Life in the Center with Both, All Connections in tact    that Relatives is the Life We were created to have.

We have to get up when we realize we Fell a Long Time Ago Relatives   WE have To GET UP
Or We will BE LATE FOR WORK

love
mary

the Little tin

good Morning Relatives

there are Three Stars visible this morning.  One in the East, One in the WEst and one in the South West   it is a bit cloudy and cool

yesterday was a day of much hard work   both in Holding the Fire and Covering the Walls in the bedroom upstairs.  the Wall looks so Good! with covers on it.  I was so very tired and so happy with it that I laid on the bed with the Kitty and just admired that they were complete.  Funny how we don't always know how something affects us until we Change it.   I did Not realize that the tin on the walls upstairs would be really nice, the walls are shorter than downstairs and as an ease of collaboration between wall covering and Outlet coverings I used wood where there was an Outlet so it made a nice Contrast at Differing Points along the Wall which was pleasing .  After the Wall was covered I felt ... well at Ease,  like the room was safe and warmer somehow.  I was surprised a little at the Presence of this feeling.  It got me to thinking about our young Prince.

As the Prince made Final Preparations to Leave his Home his Mother and Father having Wrapped him in every blessing and Hope, having put every Advantage iN place along the Way to Insure his success. His Mother took him Aside while his father was settling the Arrangements with the Driver of the Carriage. He was not surprised at this as his mother Often had taught him very different Ideas than his father. Or given him advice that seemed Out of the Ordinary but always turned out to be Timely and Useful.  but she and he never Spoke of it. And his Father pretended not to notice.

taking him Aside that Fateful Morning, His mother quietly placed in his Hand a small tin. "I want you to Have this My Son, for Your journey, My Grandmother gave it to me when I left Home, Long Ago." She folded his hand over it and Seemed to be Transferring a Blessing to him as She Released it at Last.  He opened his hand gazing down at it.  It was an extraordinarily unremarkable small tin. It Appeared to have been slightly Crushed and was Dented on one Side. The Writing on the Tin said, " Horton's Be.. ...... Fo. Long Journe..   Best if Ta.... With ...er"   It was Difficult to Tell if the writing had been deliberately scraped off, burned, or was just the Victim of a long Life of many Adventures. There was enough of the Paint to see that there were three small stars still visible and Not quite Rubbed Out.  The Lid appeared to be Welded on so Tightly, that he doubted it had Ever Been Removed. The tin was small and somehow warm to the touch, Light but solid, and could easily be Lost if his Pockets were too Full, or if He was not Careful when he changed out his pants for the Laundry, or removed any bills or change for purchases along the Way.

The Prince considered these things as he held It in his hand.  He had Before in his life been given Objects of Meaning, or Found them whilst he was Playing or Walking along.  Some of those Objects had been Lost out of His Pocket or been Mislaid and Forgotten until he was Miles Away and it seemed IMpossible to recover that One special Thing from his lack of mindfulness. A few of them were tucked in his Breast Pocket, Safe but within Easy Reach like Talismans from his Own Secret Life.  He could tell that the tin was Important as his mother had taken pains to give it to him in private. It was so unremarkable that he wondered how Old It Really Was. It was worn around the Edges as if She or Someone had handled it Over and Over for a very Long Time.  It was however Pleasing to the touch and felt Familiar and he held it comfortably in One Hand. It made Very Little Sound as he shook it gently.  Not so much that it made him Curious, but just enough that he was Convinced, that it was not Empty.   the Prince turned it over in his hand and looked at his mother questioningly.  "It is Not for Now" she said. "It's for when you Know that Everything Truly Depends on One Path or the Other." "but Mother" he frowned, " How am I to Know when that is?" " You will know my Son," she said," and you can Ask for Assistance when you need it."  He considered it carefully, and then ASked her, " Have you ever Opened it?"  She smiled at him and said, " My Son, That is My Story Not yours.  but you must Know that the One Rule about the Tin is, That it must only be opened Once in the Life of the One who Carries it.  And Only Once will it Reveal its Contents.  And it's Contents will Only be Revealed  if it is Opened At the Right Time."

The Prince frowned, he liked a Puzzle and a Challenge but This, this was Something Else.  If Nothing Else He could keep it AS a Reminder of Her. And as he Looked Once More for the Last Time into his mother The Queens eyes, he saw in her a Clarity, a Depth that he had seen before, when she had held him so Many Many times as he Grew from the Crib to the Day of His Departure.  It was the Look of His Heart Reflected in her eyes. It was her Gift that she would Watch over him, Giving him His Best Chance, Seeing perhaps the Future that he could Not Yet see for himself.

And so Placing the Little Tin in his Pocket he Hugged her, kissed her cheek, shook hands with his Father and clambered up into the carriage.  He was Off, to meet his Fairy Godmother and Begin his Quest for a Better Life for All.


Enjoy your day Relatives   it is Sunday  a good day for the Water

love Mary

In the Dark of the Winter Night

Good evening Relatives

its official  I can drive some more.  I passed my written drivers exams  thats good.  I was so tired yesterday   it was our first snow   In the morning it was so pretty  the dogs were pretty happy about it.   I finished the insulation in the crawlspace  Yea!!  that was good,  the foam sprayed so excellently,  I had put the tanks downstairs with heaters and wraps to acclimate them and the crawlspace two weeks ago and even though there had been warmer days  yesterday just felt right.  So I suited up while lunch was cooling and dove in!  it was perfect  no looking back  no doubts  an abundance of foam.

In the morning after doing the chores I had carried upstairs the boards for the remainder of the ceilings up there   63 ten foot by 1 inch by 8 inches beautiful pine.  Nice  after the guys came over and helped move the two tables into the kitchen I got up there and finished the ceiling in the larger bedroom.  now only three more ceilings to go.   it is tiring working over my head and afterwards there was no blogging! just a bath and get the dogs in read some taichi and go to sleeeeeeeep.  LOL  The sun comes up later and later  

I hope that your week went very well.  Every evening and morning prayer and during the day prayer is woven throughout the fabric of the days' intention.  Open heart, abundance in and out, protection for the ones at Lame Deer, gentle remembering of who each of us is, and followthrough in the day so that we can build a beautiful night sky blanket in the stars for the next Night that Follows Day.

there has been a story building somewhere in the Night and This Night I will begin:

Once Upon a Time (which means Right Now) in a Land Far Far Away (which means Right INside us), there lived a Young Prince.  His Royal Family was at the end of a very long Struggle that had gone on for too many Generations.  War and discrimination and Persecution in the Form of Negating Freedom, Identity, Religious Practice, and Economic Development had Ravaged their Kingdom. Like Most Stories of this Kind, Told in the Beginning of Winter, it will begin in a dark and dangerous way, and make us Cold and then Colder until it Seems that there will Be no More Light, and then We will See what we will see in the Dark of the Winter Night.

The King and Queen had been part of an Old Alliance that was like a Great Ship of Kings and Queens, Governments and Regents that had Sailed into a Future based on a Large Cumbersome Agreement (Made After a Previous Grievous War) that Few had Not Profited from. But Large and Cumbersome Ships and Agreements Become Weighty with the Spoils of Privilege, as those things do,  and the Ship had become so Difficult to Sail that the Few who had not profited and Felt that it was Their Time, Grasped Mutinous but Destined Power in Weapons and Charm of the Media, they Soon had Overthrown All the Helmsmen and Women while the Kings and Queens and Regents and Dowagers and Administrators were at the Annual Allies Harvest Ball.

Little did the Kings and Queens know that the Allies had Secretly Strengthened the Few with Outdated but still Powerful Weapons that could Change the Balance of Power in the Region and thus the World and In Doing So, The Allies would again Profit from the Mayhim and Mayher that would Follow the Breaking Up of the Big Ship.  the Allies Discovered in the Greatest of Wars, That There is Great Profit to be made in the Business of War, and in the Business of Dealing Out Death, Protecting the Weak, Comforting the Torn and Distraught, in Not Taking Sides but Making their Own Side, and Encouraging with Words Whispered Here and There in the Ears of the Onlookers, and the Greedy Hearts of the Mutinous Few that  the Idea and Action of Killing if Not Eliminating altogether any Human Being that in The Interim had been perhaps Leading the People towards Peace was a tragedy that would Make Good Media but Soon Be forgotten and thus was permissible to do as the Road of Accountability had Stalled Somewhere between the End of the Last First War and the Ones who Handed out Prizes for the Commercials and Movies shot During a War and it all was So Long Ago and So Far Away that It Really wasn't real was it ? Anyway.

Not So Long Ago, In another Far Away, the Pirates of the Oldest Queen had Learned Finally, after watching the Queen become Rich on the Ships that They Sank Including their Own Ships with their own Brothers and Sisters.  They discovered that bodies like fodder could be felled without Recompense If the Cause was Grand. They discovered Like the Old Queen Already Knew,  that it was much more Profitable to Create War amongst Others and Profit from the Flotsam and jetSome that came out of it than it was to Work as Commoners Do for the Greater Good.  They were careful however to not hand out the Biggest Stick, but to make Sure that those Who Were Willing, Had Sticks that could be Wielded and actually Kill as Often as was Needed, and as Many in Any Place, to Maintain the Focus of the Public Eye ON the Monkeys in the Ring rather than the Ringmaster and his Crew selling Popcorn Drinks and Tickets to a Good Show.  In Fact, the Greatest Show on Earth had become War. preventing It, planning It, staging It, recovering from It, threatening It, and waging It. The Pirates made Sure that Not too Many Generations went by without Feeling War. The world was Big! they could sit back and move the Players around the Globe, Lighting Fires and Putting them Out. No One would be the wiser.

So, Long Ago they had become the Allies of War. Now mind you these Pirates had no King or Queen or Country.  They had Money and the Opportunity that was created by Strengthening the Few to UnSeat the Many, and They Lived Where They Pleased Which is to say, in Your Back yard.  The Allies Particularly paid Attention to the Sons and Daughters of the displaced Kings and Queens,  Whose lives had not just been filled with Thoughts of Destiny, and Power, and Success, But Responsibility. Especially, those who were an Only Child. And Most Especially Particularly Those whose Parents were willing to make Great Sacrifice to Give this Young Princess or Prince the Still held if a bit Mangled Keys to the Kingdom Along with the Last of the Support for the Quest to Restore Greatness to the Family. It was in Particular, very Important that this youngling be sent on a Quest with the Last of the Family Jewels, and the Old Sword of Destiny, to the Land of Opportunity, to find Not only His and thus Their Kingdom, But, to find His Princess.  

And that Relatives is the Tempest that begins the Story of our Young Prince as He Came to the Land of Opportunity to Begin His Quest.

.........

Sleep well younglings, elders, Relatives, and Friends

Love will wrap you and Hold you like the Fire in the Stars that burn and burn and send Out Their Light long long after they have gone to sleep

mb

the Last Hanging

Good Evening Relatives

It has been a really busy couple of days.  We are have now reached 47% of the total payment needed for the labor on siding the house.  The guys have not returned yet to finish so we still have time to make that goal at the same time they finish.  That would be great.

another great news is that the estimate for the heat system is finally finished and it is amazing what has been provided as a resource to help keep the project to its necessary only and self installed and also excellent equipment. it s pretty interesting, the plumbers estimate for parts only no labor was $8,735.00.  And after looking through his heat system salesman parts list I think it is actually incomplete.  On the other hand the gentleman in MT ( Fred Seton) sent out his plan and installation manual with the equipment lists and suppliers  and here is his breakdown, $700.00 for the Heater, $650.00 for the pex tubing, ~$450.00 for the plywood, $2,000.00 for the master board which is the brains and manifolds, and pumps, and etc.. ( I call it the mother board) which his company can put together and ship ready to put up, $400.00 for the consult and plan and support etc..., $140 for the thermostats. and then the rest is odds and ends like fishing line, staples, crimp rings, glue etc.  with my labor  that makes the system $4340.00 - $4,600.00 with a buffer fee for materials to make the subfloor over the system.  Also the Plumber will have to install the heater which could be another $400.00  so not bad!   that is abundance for sure.

If anyone wants to make a donation for part of this system and use a credit card then they can use it for any part of the parts.  However since the siding event was slow to materialize and a couple of folks who had committed to donating "significant" amounts at the beginning of the siding project were not able for unknown reasons to followthrough with those donations, I have decided to wait until all the heating project money is secure and if people use credit cards then the suppliers will not ship until we have everything covered.  That way there is no stress of coming up short at the end.  I believe that this will work out and that we will make it no worries. all my dreams have been about abundance.  Also the house has tons of Ladybugs in it  everyday they are marching around the windows and floors and I find them everywhere  its is nice  they like being inside out of the cold  Not that it is that much warmer in side but at least they are happy.

today I finished most of the downstairs bathroom ceiling.  The kitchen ceiling looks great  I also today hung my pot rack for the last time.  I made it years ago when i lived in Mpls.  We had a big wind storm one spring   straight line winds and over 100,000 trees got pushed over in Mpls StPaul,  It was a terrible and amazing thing to see all those giant trees on thier sides.  the pot rack was from an oak limb from that time.  I have carried it around with me for years  and used it in my kitchen.  Today I hung it for the last time, dug out the box of cast iron cookware and hung that as well.  It is nice

I've been working on a story.  I am hoping to begin it with tomorrows blog.  Also tomorrow I am hoping to be able to hire some help to get two of the kitchen counters installed.  One is an 3ft / 8ft  / 3 inch rock maple butcher block table and the other is a 3.5 ft / 5 ft / 10 inch butcher block table that I cannot lift by myself!  so it takes a few days to find guys to help  everyone is busy with the harvest and getting thier own houses ready for winter.

The Turkeys are hanging around.  I put out water for them.  they come to the corner of the house twice a day for water.  If the bowls are not full they bang on the tin with thier beaks and call out for water.  It is kind of funny and very cool  they are really smart Turkeys   thier feathers are maturing really quickly now that it is colder.

I hope that you are all safe and snug in your beautiful homes.  I am so glad to know that you are there.  I love you and i appreciate you I respect you and I celebrate you this day

all my best in the stars and the night
may we make a beautiful night and a beauty way day that will wrap all Nations, all of us and espceially those at Lame Deer in the soft beauty of the stars

my love to you Relatives
sleep tight
mary

No Matter Watt

Good Evening Relatives
It has been a very busy day  after a very busy night!  lOts of Abundance already flowing  Dreamtime blessings, good conversation and heart flow between friends, good clarifications of old fears laide to rest, and good work on the kitchen.

Yesterday was the kind of day the House was built for.  It was an extraordinary day.  I am so grateful to the Spirits for the generosity and to those who showed up.  Way to go!  The last time I saw the man with no fingers he said that if we save even one life or change even one thing then we have done an extraordinary Thing.  I agree whole heartedly.

there has been some talk about Power   and about how Power is Perceived.  there has been talk about Sureness  and Where that Sureness comes From   I can only speak for me Relatives. No One else If you want to have some cheat sheets I would suggest the verses in Corinthians about Love, and a little book called "Light on The Path" by Mabel Collins, and even she would say that she did not write it  but wrote it down according to the direction of the Spirit that gave it to her to give to us.  It is a really good little book.    However I will warn you that is is of course all mystical and kungfuy so that If you are Interested in Power it will Reveal Nothing about Power, but, if you are Not interested in Power it will tell you where true Power lies and how Not to hold it.

I was taught about Power  in the classical sense and have seen it run into it and avoided it as much as possible.  My Father had the Power to ground me, to destroy my things, to do any and everything he could think of to change or affect me to his desired end.  But he had no Power Over me.  He could not change Me.  the Tax man thinks he has power over the value of my house.  but his way of power is not mine and I do not support his thinking with my action, my intention, or my day.  the Power in this house is well beyond anything that he could ever think to manage or control.  there is power in something if you Believe in it.  but only if you or I believe.

for example  the ceremonial Pipes that I carry and care for and make Ceremony with are Very Powerful Pipes   but me Mary is not powerful.  I carry no power   I carry Steadfastness, I carry a Sureness, and even though that is a Place of Power it does not Make me Powerful. I can Stand in a Powerful stance and Hold it but that does not take power or make me powerful.  It takes Clarity and Focus.  it takes Inner Peace (see Kung fu Panda 2) and there is no secret ingredient to it ( see Kung Fu Panda 1 ) either you "get it and Are It, or you don"t.  No offense Relatives but it really is that simple.  the practice is to Get It in All Circum-stance.  get it?  In any stance in the Circle. the Circle exists whether you or I believe in it or stand in it.  It is Unaffected by me, but Affected by me Being Me. that is part of the idea in the Light on the Path.  it is back to the gate of no gate, (which actually you can see in the movie "The Forbidden Kingdom")

so back to Power and Perception,  It was a Great and Powerful Doing to Make this Place and All that it Is and All that is In It.  No Doubt  and If we want or Call upon that Power Doingness, or Being or Beings, say for instance, The Lightening Strike Beings, to come and change our world, (which I believe is what many have been doing for a long time) then They will Require an Outlet to disperse or dispense, or to loose that Change through.  No one I don't think wants the big Ending and Beginning Again.  Its been done many times and we don't seem to get ahead with it so I think the Spirits are Trying for a New Approach.  so Say that They have many outlets all over the world, Many Many Many places and times where a little current here, and a little light there makes a change and thus the World turns differently just a bit.  WEll  it makes sense that if they are being Care-ful which I believe them to be then they don't want to Overload circuits but like any of us I think that Getting on With it is Preferable. So  for some it seems we sign up somewhere somehow to be a bigger wire, or a thicker wire (lol) perhaps than others.  so that is what I am compared to some (not that anyone is comparing) a bigger wire, but to others I am like a tiny hair.   Certainly I am Nothing At all compared to What IS.

so to help explain the discussion of Power   I am like the wire in the wall of the house.  It is connected on one end to the Big Outside Current that is delivered to the wire which then travels through the wire to the outlet or device that it is meant to assist, or Energize/ be available to help assist in the House.  I.E. turn on a light, keep the food fresh.  I think that we can agree that the wire is nice, and convenient.  Much nicer than a Lightening Strike.  but it has to be put in place and used with respect.  The wire itself is unaffected by the current and only affects the current if it is damaged or corroded, (which can be painful for the wire) or if it has a loose hold or connection to either the panel or the device ( which is why the commitment appears so Adamant), and is Safe if it abides by and the household abides by the safety rules.  ( which we used to have elders teach us but they all got killed a few hundred years ago, so we are back to learning by trail and error and what my Dakota Medicine man says is Direct Transmission from the Spirits.)  the wire can remain in service for ages simply being the connection between the Outside Power and the Inside Delivery of that Power.  doesn't make any difference which house it is in  the presidents the jailhouse the beggar, the richest woman in town  it is still just a wire delivering the current.  And what is Super Cool about the Pipes and my Wireness is that it is Mobile!! cool huh?  AWESOME!!!   That is why it is not me that does the work even though I have work, and it is not about me that things are done but because I am here they can be done Now.

it is very important, as any electrician can tell you, not to grab the wire when it is hot.

that is what it would be like for me to pretend that I had power    it would be deadly and unforgiving

but I have to be very steadfast and very awake and very loving no Matter Watt  ( did you get that ? LOL no matter Watt ... I love humor  it is so good for our souls.

I remember when I was little  my sister Rachel was born on May 5th 1966.  My Dad took us to the hospital and we stayed out on the lawn and he told us what window to look for him in.  I stood and waited for that window to change.  I was seven.  Eventually the window Opened up on the third floor and there She Was!! my Dad held her out the window and I lept around and around in the Grass shouting She is Here She is Here !  it was one of the Greatest Days of my Life!   I also remember that when she could walk and Think  I went and Woke her up on Christmas Morning and said Racho, get up  Santa came in the Night.  So I took her downstairs to see all the presents and the lights of the tree, and helped her open her stocking.  It was GRRRRREAT!  she was blown away. LOL so every year after that until she was in jr high  she would get up early Christmas morning and go down stairs and open everybody's gifts and then come and wake us up and say come and see what Santa brought he brought you this and this and this!  It was so Amazing  her Joy  her Joy changed our Lives
Her simple Joy and love saved us almost everyday.  What a gift  cool huh!  Christmas is coming  that give the gift of yourself to the world thought  and Relatives I give the gift of me to you  I will hold the Fire, Be Steadfast, Be Clear, Be of Strong Connection  why?  Not for Power LOL but for Love  for Love  for you and for the Spirits and for Racho

I had a Gma ask me what do I do when i see the power of the Pipes in Ceremony?  I told her to just simply and sincerely say Thank you.  Thank you goes along way with people and with Spirits.  i can tell you Relatives that I never met a Spirit yet that was interested in being Worshiped. Or Adored.  if what I was looking at or engaging with wanted adoration then it was a sure sign I was in the wrong place with the wrong outfit.

so just say thank you  and Mean It.

so Thanx Relatives

Thanx

Love
mary

Live Long, and Prosper

thank you Relatives for your kindness your intention and your participation in todays ceremony

I appreciate you
I honor you
I respect you
and I welcome you

It was a really good day  the ones who showed up in physical person were welcome and we walked the land and visited before making the prayer and setting the intention with the pipes and the house.

the ceremony was solid

the feast was wonderful and very tasty

and the goodbyes were just long enough and packed with return invitations

I love you all

May the Gate in Your Heart open to the Abundance that Radiates Forth from this Land  May you Receive the Blessing of the Blessing Way in your heart, your life, your resource, and your generosity.

May you live long, and prosper


all my best
Mary

Don't waste the Fall

Good Evening Relatives

It has been another rainy day  and very cold today.  The moisture is so welcome for the ground and the Trees   I am grateful to the Lake and the other waters for sharing with us. Grateful to the Spirits for lifting and carrying the water here and other places that it is so needed.

It was a quiet day working on the kitchen ceiling and lights.  cooking a green chile chicken and garlic soup. checking the mail and having a conversation with a woman a the hardware store about the incandescent bulb becoming obsolete.  someone Somewhere has edged out the bulb in favor of the florescent. AS if creating something that is harmful to dispose of is less wasteful than the pennies it saves on electricity. How interesting we have become.

Yesterday the county tax assessor came by.  He could not believe I was living in the house.  Maybe I have gotten too used to it? Maybe he would not value the feeling daily the change in the house.  How it doesn't smell bad any longer when I open the front door.  How the temperature inside is more warm than out.  How each day a little more is done and comes together towards that end.  I won't mind however when it is actually clean and comfortable and I can offer tea at a table instead of standing in the middle of an unfinished kitchen.  But at least I can offer tea today.  That is Great Progress.

One other difference in that tax man and myself was he kept talking about this House and Life as if it all was just a wasted Investment. he kept saying that I would never Profit from it Financially.  On and On he went about how I could Maximize the House if I did it His Way and then sell it for a Profit.  AS if that Was the only Way.  he really did not ever seem to register my soft replies that this house was not bought to sell and that it was doing and would do just fine for its Purpose.  I noticed as he was walking around "assessing" that he has lost his depth perception.  It was interesting that he would mis step and would stumble a bit and he was too rough with the Kitty and simply uninterested in Anything but His View and His Assessment. I wasn't surprised that he was never on sure footing in the house and seemed eventually really uncomfortable being inside it.  I suppose it is Good that he thinks so little of the House  it will keep the Taxes low. ( they are $452.00/year).  I couldn't help but think that his Way is the Way of No Way  the Way that is On the Way Out.  His way has not lead us to a future that is a "Kinder and Gentler America".  do you remember that statement?  I do.  and as the Fall Leaves continue to fall  I am as certain of the Change in This Time and this World and the Doing of it as I am that when I fall off a ladder it is best to Slow Time Down and let things Break the Fall and to give away all the collected energetics of abrupt Change into the Air and to Make sure that I do Not let anything Inside me See the fall as Negative. That I Take the Time to Accept that Fall as part of the Work, and that I Send throughout my Body the Joy of love and Reorientation to the Beauty Way BEfore I move  Before I let Fear Rewrite my Story or Change me just because i am now 8 feet below where I was a moment Ago.   it is Very Important not to Create of to Take in a Story that is Damaging to yourself, myself just because Life took a little detour from where I thought I was headed.  Very Important Relatives Not to see a Fall as falling down, but to see it as a wonderful way to make sure that we are Whole when we are, When I am Getting up. To make Sure that I Get UP with a new Perspective on Perception.  As OOgway says, there are no Accidents

 We are everyday faced with the Opportunity to choose to Accept the Abundance that Already Exists or to Negate it by thinking that we can or need to Create it again? Do you understand Relatives? it is So Very Important  to Create the Mentation of No Lack. We are the only thing Standing in our Way. Abundance Exists, There is No Gate, Just sweep aside the fabric of the stories we have let the tax man tell us for so many many years and go in the Garden.   so today Relatives I didn't fall off the ladder and get hurt,  I fell off the ladder and Got Up  and was Grateful for the life of the board that took the hit and the energy that was available all around me to enable me to Let Go of any Fear and Any Grasping at the Past.  it was different I can tell you that. and I am still releasing the small attachments that snuck in so fast I couldn't see them.  But I can Transform any Action and Gift into Abundance. and now my shoulder is much more Awake than it was and my balance is improved, and my focus much more gentle at the end of the day.  all of these things are signs of Abundance.  John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."That Meant, Relatives, that He saw Life, that when Life showed up he accepted it and Welcomed it  he didn't waste Time waiting for Something Else or Someone Else to Show up.    so make Life  Relatives  don't waste the Fall It really is the Best time of the Year.

I pray Relatives that we can Accept with Joy our Relationship with All that surround us.  Last night in the Dreamtime two dogs that belong to dear Friends of mine came and found me to give me the information that was needed to help protect the Life of one of their owners.  I called this am and discussed the Dream with them and the nuance of each part so that they would be prepared for the journey, if they chose to make it, to manifest the Change in their life that was intended by the message given by the dogs. I was so glad those dogs trusted me and that I was Available in the Night and that I wasn't too AFraid in the morning to give this Dreamtime information to my friends.  it's definitely different than what the usual veterinary role is  but it is part of the New Way  the Way of being in Circle.  We/Many have called for years to heal the Hoop of Life,   for Years People have said "All my Relations" in Ceremony  but how many years have we listened to the dogs, the cats, the bears, the water the birds?  ARe we in the Circle with them?  Be in the Circle Relatives  Step up  and be
they are there  waiting for us  watching over us and always as dogs  and all our Relatives do, always ready to unconditionally love us. I am grateful to those dogs for their determination and love that they would bond together and seek a Way to help their owners.  Way to Go dogs.

Tomorrow we will have ceremony between noon and 1PM  so please join us if you can and would to help hold the Prayer for abundance for all Nations and All our Relatives  to help turn and bring into focus that Abundance that the Spirits showed in the dream is already available to all of us.  Our Way is Clear  Our Hearts and Minds are One together for all  We will make the prayer and honor the Pipes the Land the Ancestors the Creatures of Life the Water the Air the Great Earth and all her Family  All Galaxies in all Time that that Abundance that is so Present and So immediate will be Welcome by All

I just want to say Relatives that When you think of God When you think of the Divine  When you think of the Spirits and All that is Possible  are you only comfortable with what you can Understand?  With what is Acceptable in your Realm.

I want to ask you to Open  to OPen  to OPEn  to OPEN up and let All That Is Be so Much More than what you or I could ever understand or know or begin to comprehend.  It is this magnificent and terrible resource that Attends to us  that is Ever Willing to Be with us and to Provide When we let go of our need to control what is Possible.

Before he died I heard part of an interview with Kurt Vonnegut.  He said,"That if God turned out to be something that he could imagine or comprehend then he was going to be disappointed." so In honor of that visionary man and his dedication to creating a better future and definitely a better than we can make up God I ask you Relatives to Let Go Tonight of your Comprehension, of your need to understand, of your Limitations.  To put them gently in the Fire and to wrap yourself in the protection of this house, these hearts, the Fire here, the Pipes and the Spirits that are with them.. I ask you to Let go and let the Great Way come in the Night and in The Day forever more.

Peace
love and sweet dreams
mb

this Little Light of Mine

Good evening Relatives

How are you today?  It is a perfect rainy day.  the kitty stayed indoors all day and napped and snacked and made sure that I was thoughtful with my tasks.  the Rain came in the night last night, With the Wind.  it has been a true fall day.

Great news! I finished the first part of the ceiling installation! woo hoo! ten feet by fifteen in the upstairs.  it looks great!  and already the temperature in that room is staying more steady  yea!!! Thank you to all of you for your good thoughts and for your support it is most welcome and I return it to you with great joy and peace.

this is a house of peace.  I was asked today by a few GMa's today what this house is for, and if it is just Mary being a Big Honcho  LOL what a great title  LOL  that was funny  It was meant with love and perhaps a little bit of Fear eh?  Who is That Woman anyWay?  It is a fair question and I don't mind being Transparent ( I'm not likely to ever be any other Kind of Parent) about my intention and the Agenda here.  I did try however to make it clear in the previous blogs.  so remember to read your Users Manual as it IS Available!  I remember I had a professor of religious studies at NDSU where I went to undergrad, he was amazing, he graduated the very Top of Chicago Seminary, could speak 8 languages, and read 12.  he would have gatherings at his house and we would all go over and make food and discuss the Fabric of the World.  Very cool  he could have taught anywhere in the World and he chose Fargo North Dakota.  what an amazing dude, he was more concerned about what the children of the farmers and the Lutheran kids were going to believe and teach their kids than he was in being a Big Shot at the Seminary.  anyhow in his class he would ask so Many questions of the younglings about what they did and didn't know about Jesus and His Life and his Food, and His intention and His clothes, and His family structure that they would just be dumbfounded and then he would ask them but I thought you Love Jesus? and they would say Yes WE do! and he would say why do you know so little about someone you say you love?  and why is it that your faith cannot withstand my questions?  he would say to us  if your faith is not strong enough to withstand a few questions then how it is going to save you from Hell? which most likely is a little tougher than a few questions.  You know he didn't go and do what would have made him famous, or Special, or All Recognized, he went and did what he thought was valuable.  Eh?  Eh?  cool Dude.

so GMa ask away!! I may be Too Much at Times, and Too Straightforward even for a Lesbian LOL and Too Silly sometimes, and TOO confusing  and other times I seem to be right on Track and very quiet  but I am Here,  I am Learning to Be Me and to Be Me for You, for All Of us, for All Beings, i am doing my Best Everyday  and will Promise you this  that being Strong and Steady is not Sustainable if it is about Ego and Being True is not sustainable if it is about Ego and Fear and Being Loving is not Felt and Known to Be Genuine if it is about Ego and Fear and Selfishness.

So I may fall down and I may have to relearn and unlearn and learn learn but I will be whom and what I was Created to Be.  So it, I won't be anything that you have Seen Before or Will Again
As Are You to Me
and its sort of funny  It reminds me of the age old Lesbian response to people thinking that sexual orientation is chosen. " "Who the hell would choose to be treated the way society treats homosexuals" it is just so pleasant and wonderful." "Oh yea I want that life! "  well think about it GMa's  I am a highly educated person who is one of 120 in her field in the world.  It really would have been pretty easy to take one of the jobs I was offered right away when people found out I was selling my practice, and I could have dumped all the stress of a failed business, stayed in my beautiful little house, kept all my friends, all my yummy local restaurants, my beautiful blue FJ cruiser, and been making about $250,000.00 a year and still had time off and money to travel to a few GMA gatherings spout off some teachings and been the big Pandamonium Pomposity and probly had a girlfriend  LOL   think  about it Relatives.  Really now
do you think I came up here and did this for me? Really ???
Wickett and Marshall and Jingle Belle and The Cat know I didn't. They may be secretly hoping you don't believe in us and we will get to go back to That Life. LOL

Today was also call the GMa's day and check in  see how you are doing  see what is happening in the bigger Rim of the Circle.  So if I missed you  call me  tomorrow  or i will eventually get to you LOL  I had a dream last night that I went on a journey to all the GMa houses to see how you were.  I travelled through the woods which were full of hickory furniture beautifully made, and then a big flea market, then a wonderfully large and amazingly abundant farmers market and then finally there was the town where all the people were and all the GMa's  you were all there  doing your things. Some of you were grouped together and some singular but still in the same building.  While i was driving by all of this seeing all of the Abundance! Wow you should have seen the vegetables  they were piled 5 feet high,  around outside telling the Spirits that I would be very careful not to over spend and they were not even letting me slow down or park and there was no place anywhere to turn around or to go back

it was one of Those Dreams where there is no going back  i realized that and relaxed because that meant that I was there to learn something and to find a Way anyhow I finally was Walking Not Driving and wondered how to get into the Market.  There was a BIG line and people had back packs and water bottles, and were lining up but not going into the Market  I could not understand why  it was Open, there was Plenty, and there was No GAte   but everyone was all lined up and Not Moving  like they Expected a Gatekeeper and an Entrance fee or something  Weird  it was like it was too Good to Just be Free, How funny it is isn't it  that life it Too Good to Be Free.

anyhow i ducked into the GMa building and it was all covered in fabric! it was amazing  all the Walls, the Floors, the Ceilings were all Fabric!  and each of you were in your own little fabric Stall making things and laughing and telling Stories and Wrapping up Tighter and Tighter in Fabric  most of it was blue and had print on it  lots of bright Colors  and there was less and less Sound  and it was a bit convoluted  and No One could see out  the Fabric was cool and It was Pretty but it kept me from seeing Outside and from knowing where the door was.  Wow it was Interesting!  Like a GMa Fabric maze  anyhow Sorry to tell you this GMa's but I kind of Blundered Through a few walls and Accidentally tore down a Few barriers and all of the Sudden we were back Outside! and the GMa's were connected to the Market!  that was good  much better Air Flow
anyhow  as I got outside and some of the GMa's were piling out the Hole in the Wall behind me and We were kind of Blinking in the Sunlight and Catching our Breath  a guy came up and said," Hey I want to buy the BirchBark Canoe." but it wasn't for Sale.  so I thought well why not ask for what it would cost to remake it? So I said," Ok how about $3,000.00?" ( that is what it costs to make a real birchbark canoe from scratch IF you help, otherwise they are $5,000.00) And the guy said, " I'll give you $100,000.00 to keep up your work and you can keep the canoe."  Wow that was amazing.  So the Spirits said to KEEP GOING! and to call everyone and see how you are

the putting up the ceiling workstation

So it has been quite a day

one of the questions today was what is This House for? so I thought I would try and answer that question bearing in Mind that Definitions tend to Move and Change and Grow as Expectations Diminish.   So I will say what I know so far
It is a house of Peace.  this Place, the Quarries is one of the Most Peaceful Places in the World and this House is over that Rock
it is a house for Grandmothers,  it is not a rest home but One can Rest Here  it is not a Halfway House but it is a House that one might find halfway between where they have been and where they will continue to go towards
it is Not a B&B although I imagine that at times people will stay here and find food, and shelter, and love, and Peace, and chores.
it is a place to come and teach and to come and learn   there is a young man coming soon who wants to begin his study of the Pipe so he is coming and will stay and help with work and learn a few things if he is willing and he will be a great teacher while he is Here
This is a house where people have been known to stop by on their journey and ask questions, Receive Tea or Water, People have come and sat in the yard to meditate then gone on their way with no Words Spoken
this is a house where men and women have given of their energy to sustain the Place the building and the Presence that is available here through you and your heart and your thoughts sent this way
This is a house that is based on Circle Practice and will be available for local as well as Regional and Gma circle Gatherings
This is a house where Already women have come and wanted to visit and Spend Time and Effort in Circle Practice and in discussing the Work that this day has brought for us to do in their lives and in mine.

the Sticky Wickett going to Menards

The work here at this house has supported fifteen families in the past 11 months.  some of those families are single moms, some are young couples, some older trades men who are not "hirable"by busy money focused contracting firms, some have been alcoholics that cannot get other work but need money for the house / home they are trying to hold on to.  Some are local plumbers who have supported the Idea that this house is a good House and a good Project and they have helped when needed without being attached to getting all the Money and Work or NONE  they have contributed and they have been happy to be a part of This House

Wickett is glad I was saved!

This House also has saved me and sustained me and does.  some of you do not know but the Stress of my Veterinary Work and trying to maintain my Responsibilities as an Employer and as a Veterinary Specialist in a really bad economy (most veterinarians in DFW lost 37% of their work starting in 2009 and still have not recovered) lost their referral base and my Practice was no different. My job was super stressful for many years LOL  the two highest professional suicide rates in America are Dentists and Veterinarians and I am and was a Veterinary Dentist LOL  anyhow that life was killing me literally
My Doctor said I was about 6 months from a liver transplant or death, my vertebrae had a big hole in it from stress and trying to hold together two lives and I was going down faster than the Titanic on steroids. So I had to Stop and do Something different  it was left or right  which road to take?  go back to work for a big sucessful hospital and just do my job and go home? or take the path less travelled by? Do you think I was listening to my Ego or to the Pipes GMa's?  You tell me.  LOL
those Spirits  they love you so much!
so The Spirits and This House saved me.  It saved me and still is saving me

orienting to the Path

the time I spend here working and listening and writing and Paying Attention the Giving Away is making a Difference  it is Changing me it is Changing YOU. I don't make a three figure salary any more, but I make a difference with the blog which I have time to contemplate, to pay attention to Your thoughts and Words, to Listen to the Spirits, and to make a reasonably good Frito Pie on occasion.  I think it's better than the big salary and the nice car.  you let me know though what you think.  I can always go back,  oh wait  no I can't  LOL I love you GMa's

seatbelt fastened!

so What is this House  This Center of the East and West Gate ?  This Grandmothers House

it is a house of healing that is paid for in full   no loans   no mortgage   my personal income and sales of all I could sell was the initial investment that the Spirits used to get it off the ground.  Now I use my personal income to pay the utilities, the taxes, the upkeep and for my own food and dogs etc....   any and all funds that come here to the house from outside of my personal income go towards the project that they are either earmarked for ( i.e... the wood for the ceilings) or towards the next biggest bill  which is now the siding

And We're Off!

so that is what I know

the intention is for this house to be available for Grandmothers both locally and everywhere else to have as a center    the possibilities are endless I think   i really am excited to see what the GMa's create here  and what the Spirits bring

right now the house is in my name  but I am seeking and will find  a Way to have it put in Trust with Trust Keepers  so that it is Maintained and Available should anything Happen to Me.  but in order to have a Trust we have to Create Trust. In order to have a sustainable house we have to Sustain its beginning, its middle and its path.  I was just the person listening and Available when the Spirits got the land and the House ready to purchase,  I was just the first one to Begin the Work, but let us Hope that it is Far From Over Eh Relatives?  Only you can determine if this house this Center is Sustainable, if the Spirits Gift which it is (go back and read how it came about) is valuable Now.  If is is not to you then it wont be so you see

 the house is Not about Mary Brown LOL  it is about you

all my best
love and light
shadow and song
mb

Way

Good evening Relatives
thanx for the great Day. It's going to be in the 70's tomorrow here in Pipestone.  A nice day for installing ceilings and finishing up the spray foam.

Winter is on its way and we will welcome it.   It is a great time for rest and for storytelling.

I want to get back to finishing the Way of No Way post from this morning.  it is really pretty simple.

I realized that when I was asking the Spirits for support for the house for the software company for the children of the Northern Cheyenne at Lame Deer, even for the GMa's and any of us that were praying for the Cheyenne, that I was leaving people out. I was praying that the software would do well and sell but I was not connecting to it the lives of the techs it would help and the income and practice health of the veterinarians that need that software, and the families who are managing to take care of thier pets even in the midst of a sucky economic crisis. I realized I was creating Lack by not Holding the energy of total fullness for everyone all at once.

In asking for support for the GMA house here in Pipestone I was not asking for support for you.  Kind of really off center and wrong sort of huh?  Well that is what this house is all about  finding the Center after going through both gates and then sharing it.  So Now I will ask for support for all of you  for everyone  and that that support be so full and so big that it overflows even to this little house.  How is that for a prayer.  I think we should all hold this intention all day everyday for a year and then go out each of us everywhere that we live and buy a lottery ticket.  Won't it be cool when we all win all at once?  That is Transformation of the System to a better end.  That is using what is available in the here and now and holding our Fire  our intent our commitment our purpose our creation of NO Lack and then giving it back to each other.  That is Way

It seems really simple and it is actually very profound      It is and it wasn't for me.  All my life I have worked and tried to throw off the overculture. To become a pipe carrier all day with no between spots   to know and live the beauty way. yet it took all this time and all the falling downs and all the gettings up and over and over again and again till it became very simple Hold the Fire  Hold it  I can set the Fire  I can Create it Intent and then Hold it

Well I am creating the Fire of NO Lack and I am sitting across it from the Spirits and my Ancestors, and YOU and all Creation and Everything all At Once and I am Holding it The Fire OF NO LACK right here in Pipestone in my heart and being and I am vibrating it OUT

not because it would do any thing for me or about me but because I Know it IS me  it is the connection that finally commits me forward with no reserve.  Ha!

I woke up understanding that if I can Hold on to Fear of Lack;  I can Hold on to No Lack

If I can change anything I can change me.   and if I can change me then I can change anything

I now know that I can pull every bit of everything in to my being and Hold it  transform it and with that holding transformation begin a flow a movement of thought  of Intention that all is already available and will show up on time. Im probly actually a little late to the party! LOL

You, I, We can hold that intention no matter what.  No matter what Relatives  Hold That Intention that there is enough for all of us  and I mean ALL of Us and that that fullness will not be dissuaded or diverted from me or anyone else at any time.

Every moment inside of me I am Be-Living that the energy the Force of this Place for this Place and for All Places and All will come through Here and Provide and do it's work and make the Way
rather than my fear and thought of lack making the No Way

so that's it  we either live and create the Way
or we live and create the No Way

i know what I choose to think, to Hold, to Act from and through
you can have it your way any way you want
that is the beauty of this place

all my best
Saturday I will be doing ceremony with the pipes both the Red and the Black  I will ask the Spirits that work with and are linked to the Red Pipe to come and open the Gates of this Place for Everyliving Thing and Every Fullness to come to All of us   the Black Pipe I will ask to work with the Red so that the return of Joy in the understanding that we can Hold and live in Peace and Fullness rather than Lack no matter what our circumstance may be  that we never let go of that Joy and that Holding

If you cannot be here in Person then I would ask that you be with us in time and space  I will Friday evening post the time for the ceremony Saturday

all my relations
All
mary

the Way of No Way

Good Morning Relatives !

What an amazing sunrise.  The Morning stars are always so clear here,  If there are no clouds.   I read, "A Swiftly Tilting Planet" yesterday written by Madeline Le'Engle.  She was and is an amazing writer.  She believed and wrote about changing Now by changing The What Might have beens and What Could be's into what IS.  I Believe This also  that we can change what is Now by going back or forward and Changing our Intention our Choices and Our Words

old stones from the foundation made into rocks to make a new step

All my life I've been able to Hold a Thought.  an Intention.  to Hold an Focus and Make it Into a Reality. I Believed that if something could be Spoken or Written down that it could become Real  that It Was Real. when I was young, really young before I let myself be distracted and convinced by all the Fear and Rage and Greed and responsibility that Plagues all of us, it was a simple thing to just recreate what was out of alignment, to just reorient things or people to themselves to Their Sincu (their Heart Light).  It wasn't so difficult to remake out of what was so Clearly Abundant and Available all Around me. So if it was so easy when I was a little kid, what happened?   What happened to me was not so unusual I think that is why it has been so hard to get Rid of it. to Get back but not Just Back, Back and Forward at the Same Time to a place of  Unmovability  to the Way of No Way the Place of no Place  what Bruce Lee called the Fist of No Fist the Thought of No Thought.

What happened to me between my clear Beginning Self and the, I like to think of Older but Young yet Self, is what John Lennon would say was Life.  But if Life is being wrapped in Fear, Doubt, Pain, Tiredness, and an overwhelming sense of such small resource I am afraid this house won't get built, then what kind of life do we have Relatives?  I grew up participating in this world, trying to be responsible, loving, professional, reasonably educated etc.. etc... etc...  I repeated the past of my Family, my Relatives , those around me who were and perhaps are still trapped in the Illusion of the Illusion.  and what Illusion is that?

 It is the Illusion that we are Already All We can Be, and We already Have all we Can have, and we Have Already Given What We Can.  So if anything is going to Change, to Get Us out of our Old Into a New. If we Are going to Heal the World, then where will that Energy Come From?  From me? From You? From another GMA? From the Children? shall we just sit back ?  Will that get the stones moved out of the way so we can build the Steps?  Will it??   Will Rock move through Fear without Effort? it seems impossible.  At least it appears so when I compare the Energy IN to the the Energy OUT.  Perhaps we think that More is something someone else brings to the Table. Perhaps we Think or Believe that there is no More?  But I am not so sure that this is true.  i think that More is Already Here.  that we can't see it because we blind ourselves with an Illusion of what the Buddha called Suffering. Our own Fear of Lack protecting us from Fear of Giving. Have we Forgotten Relatives, that like the Rocks for the Steps when We Stand Together and put our small and Steady Efforts and Giveaway Together, that We Are More? That Without Each of Us Together, We are Less?

putting together the steps

There have been some interesting dichotomies this year here in the mirror at the East and West Gate.  One is that the Spirits will provide the perfect opportunity and have all things already in place if I am willing to let go of my own control about money, timing, the Plan, who or How it is going to work out or through and what is available. Which is and has been very cool and frankly more mindblowing than I imagine(can't speak from experience) any substance to be. On the other hand there has been in me an intermittent but persistent Fear about money and the responsibility of getting the house done. I was asked to write the blog so that folks would know the story of the house and why and what is happening here so I did and it has turned into something that I am told is helpful so I continue with it, I have asked any and all the ways I know how, for folks to send money to help finish the house and a few did right away and then a small trickle then nothing. One GMa has committed to helping if no others do but really is that the way we live?  What is IT?  How hard is it to Give?  I wonder if anyone understands how much is given to them on a daily basis? How much this Work Already gives to YOU and Any and All of Us.  This Work, is Remaking the World.  So why is it so difficult to make the connection of shared responsibility about the Investment?  did we give once? did we breathe only once? did we only put tobacco out once? Or did we do it till it was finished? Which is sustaining? which is really changing / healing the world?  Working till it was done? Or Not.

old thoughts

I don't know about you Relatives but hearing the Buddha's words about Suffering, or Abraham's words about, "Seeing it as already done"just never have connected for me.  I really was not and have not been able to see the Emperors new clothes at All.  Just couldn't seem to manifest that Transition between the Mystical Truth and the Truth of the Pile of Work staring me in the Face everyday.  LOL  I may have a good wannabe heart but it was not getting me off the ground into the Enlightened State that so many people seem to operate at.  Mind you Iv'e seen plenty of those Spiritual Leader folks get just a little edgy when their control factor got off kilter in the middle of the Service. Sometimes it felt so like How can this Way be so Awesome! and yet so Close at hand was what is so Like UnAwesome!   Like Po when I practice Kung Fu, I stink. But when I Eat! Kung Fu is a natural as Well, reaching for another handful of sunflower seeds.

new access

As Po said to Shifu on the Way up the Mountain, " I know you are being a Mystical and Kungfuy, but could you just tell me Where We are Going?"  WEll Relatives, I don't think I can train like others, and I don't think I can ask you for the money and resources to finish this house like other people do. But, I can tell a good story!

morning sky

when I was in junior High, I think 8th grade, I got my first job across the street at the foot ball stadium. I was hired to sell cokes and hot dogs, and popcorn, and cotton candy at a window in one of the stands.  It was Great!  I had all the noise all the smells, all the popcorn I could eat! and I was doing a great job.  It was simple. follow the rules, people would come to the window, order what they wanted, give the money to sustain the system that provided what they wanted, and I would deliver the goodies. Sound familiar? LOL  funny isn't it my first and last job are the same one.   Anyhow I was at my window one Friday night and a large high school boy, (probably a senior) came up to my window and reached around with his cup and refilled his coke. I told him hey you can't take coke without paying for it and he laughed at me. I think he thought I was way too little to stop him. Which actually it never occurred to me to stop him. Fast as Lightening after Realizing he was Not Intending to be Responsible for What He Wanted and was just going to Take it, I pulled the cup out of his hand and flung the coke all over him.  Just like that.  He wanted it so he could have it.  just like that.

almost sided

Well, no surprise, he climbed over the counter to get me. Agh! Whoa I was like dude a new reality! someone would actually climb over the counter? How many rules were we going to break tonight!  before I could be scared, the owner stepped out behind me ( he was about 6'3" and very Adult!) and asked the kid if he had a problem?  the kid, one leg over the counter, looked as surprised as I did. the Owner asked him do you want to purchase something? and the kid mumbled, "No." and ran off.  then the Owner walked over to my ice bin and said, " Mary, see this cut off pool cue in here?" "Yes", "Well, it's not just for breaking up the Ice."  Hmm what an enlightening night at work that was!
so after the shift was over the Owner asked me to stay and he offered to train me to run not just my little window, but the entire stand on that side. (Eventually within a few weeks I was running the concessions for the whole stadium). But, he said to me," I have to tell you something first."

I listened intently as he told me that my older brother, who had worked there at the concessions, had been caught stealing $50.00 from his till.  the Owner had let my brother go from his job. He had to tell me this although like other lessons in my life I still am not sure why he needed to tell me. But it affected me.  It affected me that my Brother would Steal, that he would Feel such a Lack in his life that he would Take from the Whole and Lie to Himself and others about his Responsibility Over money.  it was an awful feeling to me.  My Brother whom I loved so much must be in So Much Pain about Lack that rather than work and trade his work and money for what he wanted or got from life he was willing to Steal from all of us and Lie about it.  I went home and read in my bible about love  about that verse that no greater love hath a man than this than he give his life for the ones he loves.  I Decided to give me for my Brother.  I took out of him the impetus to steal.  I ate it.  I became it. and I remade him into someone that could not and would not tolerate Stealing.

earl grey hot!

Not having any training at what I was doing, and no thought but the one of pure Love give to one I love. I had not idea how to moderate that gift to him or to protect me from becoming what I took.  It took me years, LOL to learn how to move that out of me.  I spent many years Relatives being the best thief ever which I eventually transformed into being the best protector from stealing before I understood where this had come from and where was the place I could have and eventually did put that mentation. thank Life for that Blessing. and my Brother to the last day that I knew him hated Thieves, he is and was known as the most honest person and employee anyone could ever hire.  It was interesting Later when I was grown up and studying with my Spiritual Teacher about Prayer and remaking life and others with the Pipe and the Spirits Recreating us with our permission to look back on that event and realize what had happened to me and my brother and what had been manifested from the Love and Intention in my clear little Heart.  My Sincu

layers of new made from the old

Back to now, to the Fear and Lack that I hear about from GMa's about money and the future, about the Cloud that I can feel is so Willing to Define My Life.  Why ?  One of my friends calls it the Mirror of Hell. That is an interesting thought.  If we Need we create Lack. So How do we Live without Need Relatives?  How to make the Change, How to Transform, How to Reach outside of me, Beyond me into Your World, Our World. How to do that?  first I had to have the Path of the Intention.  There very definitely is a Way. But what is that Way? I spent the weekend as I have many days before, Looking Once Again at this cloud around all of us.  Why so much Fear, why so tight in our fists?  I Sat and thought, and Worked and thought, and Dreamed and Thought. and the Spirits finally gave me the Connecting Thought. the Transformational Thought.

turkeys waiting on the school bus

I got it  I got the connection the Fire to Hold  I found it.  Ha, funny it was there all along.

so Relatives  I have to go and pick up the boards for the ceilings from Menards. Thank you GMa (private donor who I am doing my best to keep from paying everyones way all by herself, she is that willing, that committed, that fearless about Life and she understands that the More she Gives the More there Is Access to) for your gift. anyhow, I have to go and do the work now for the house, later for this work that I do for You as Well Relatives,  I'll finish this thought, but I will HOLD It Always, Oh and there Will Be Ceremony here in Pipestone with the Pipes for this Way of No Way Saturday  but I will speak of that Later tater.

love and light
shadow and song
Mary