the Way of No Way

Good Morning Relatives !

What an amazing sunrise.  The Morning stars are always so clear here,  If there are no clouds.   I read, "A Swiftly Tilting Planet" yesterday written by Madeline Le'Engle.  She was and is an amazing writer.  She believed and wrote about changing Now by changing The What Might have beens and What Could be's into what IS.  I Believe This also  that we can change what is Now by going back or forward and Changing our Intention our Choices and Our Words

old stones from the foundation made into rocks to make a new step

All my life I've been able to Hold a Thought.  an Intention.  to Hold an Focus and Make it Into a Reality. I Believed that if something could be Spoken or Written down that it could become Real  that It Was Real. when I was young, really young before I let myself be distracted and convinced by all the Fear and Rage and Greed and responsibility that Plagues all of us, it was a simple thing to just recreate what was out of alignment, to just reorient things or people to themselves to Their Sincu (their Heart Light).  It wasn't so difficult to remake out of what was so Clearly Abundant and Available all Around me. So if it was so easy when I was a little kid, what happened?   What happened to me was not so unusual I think that is why it has been so hard to get Rid of it. to Get back but not Just Back, Back and Forward at the Same Time to a place of  Unmovability  to the Way of No Way the Place of no Place  what Bruce Lee called the Fist of No Fist the Thought of No Thought.

What happened to me between my clear Beginning Self and the, I like to think of Older but Young yet Self, is what John Lennon would say was Life.  But if Life is being wrapped in Fear, Doubt, Pain, Tiredness, and an overwhelming sense of such small resource I am afraid this house won't get built, then what kind of life do we have Relatives?  I grew up participating in this world, trying to be responsible, loving, professional, reasonably educated etc.. etc... etc...  I repeated the past of my Family, my Relatives , those around me who were and perhaps are still trapped in the Illusion of the Illusion.  and what Illusion is that?

 It is the Illusion that we are Already All We can Be, and We already Have all we Can have, and we Have Already Given What We Can.  So if anything is going to Change, to Get Us out of our Old Into a New. If we Are going to Heal the World, then where will that Energy Come From?  From me? From You? From another GMA? From the Children? shall we just sit back ?  Will that get the stones moved out of the way so we can build the Steps?  Will it??   Will Rock move through Fear without Effort? it seems impossible.  At least it appears so when I compare the Energy IN to the the Energy OUT.  Perhaps we think that More is something someone else brings to the Table. Perhaps we Think or Believe that there is no More?  But I am not so sure that this is true.  i think that More is Already Here.  that we can't see it because we blind ourselves with an Illusion of what the Buddha called Suffering. Our own Fear of Lack protecting us from Fear of Giving. Have we Forgotten Relatives, that like the Rocks for the Steps when We Stand Together and put our small and Steady Efforts and Giveaway Together, that We Are More? That Without Each of Us Together, We are Less?

putting together the steps

There have been some interesting dichotomies this year here in the mirror at the East and West Gate.  One is that the Spirits will provide the perfect opportunity and have all things already in place if I am willing to let go of my own control about money, timing, the Plan, who or How it is going to work out or through and what is available. Which is and has been very cool and frankly more mindblowing than I imagine(can't speak from experience) any substance to be. On the other hand there has been in me an intermittent but persistent Fear about money and the responsibility of getting the house done. I was asked to write the blog so that folks would know the story of the house and why and what is happening here so I did and it has turned into something that I am told is helpful so I continue with it, I have asked any and all the ways I know how, for folks to send money to help finish the house and a few did right away and then a small trickle then nothing. One GMa has committed to helping if no others do but really is that the way we live?  What is IT?  How hard is it to Give?  I wonder if anyone understands how much is given to them on a daily basis? How much this Work Already gives to YOU and Any and All of Us.  This Work, is Remaking the World.  So why is it so difficult to make the connection of shared responsibility about the Investment?  did we give once? did we breathe only once? did we only put tobacco out once? Or did we do it till it was finished? Which is sustaining? which is really changing / healing the world?  Working till it was done? Or Not.

old thoughts

I don't know about you Relatives but hearing the Buddha's words about Suffering, or Abraham's words about, "Seeing it as already done"just never have connected for me.  I really was not and have not been able to see the Emperors new clothes at All.  Just couldn't seem to manifest that Transition between the Mystical Truth and the Truth of the Pile of Work staring me in the Face everyday.  LOL  I may have a good wannabe heart but it was not getting me off the ground into the Enlightened State that so many people seem to operate at.  Mind you Iv'e seen plenty of those Spiritual Leader folks get just a little edgy when their control factor got off kilter in the middle of the Service. Sometimes it felt so like How can this Way be so Awesome! and yet so Close at hand was what is so Like UnAwesome!   Like Po when I practice Kung Fu, I stink. But when I Eat! Kung Fu is a natural as Well, reaching for another handful of sunflower seeds.

new access

As Po said to Shifu on the Way up the Mountain, " I know you are being a Mystical and Kungfuy, but could you just tell me Where We are Going?"  WEll Relatives, I don't think I can train like others, and I don't think I can ask you for the money and resources to finish this house like other people do. But, I can tell a good story!

morning sky

when I was in junior High, I think 8th grade, I got my first job across the street at the foot ball stadium. I was hired to sell cokes and hot dogs, and popcorn, and cotton candy at a window in one of the stands.  It was Great!  I had all the noise all the smells, all the popcorn I could eat! and I was doing a great job.  It was simple. follow the rules, people would come to the window, order what they wanted, give the money to sustain the system that provided what they wanted, and I would deliver the goodies. Sound familiar? LOL  funny isn't it my first and last job are the same one.   Anyhow I was at my window one Friday night and a large high school boy, (probably a senior) came up to my window and reached around with his cup and refilled his coke. I told him hey you can't take coke without paying for it and he laughed at me. I think he thought I was way too little to stop him. Which actually it never occurred to me to stop him. Fast as Lightening after Realizing he was Not Intending to be Responsible for What He Wanted and was just going to Take it, I pulled the cup out of his hand and flung the coke all over him.  Just like that.  He wanted it so he could have it.  just like that.

almost sided

Well, no surprise, he climbed over the counter to get me. Agh! Whoa I was like dude a new reality! someone would actually climb over the counter? How many rules were we going to break tonight!  before I could be scared, the owner stepped out behind me ( he was about 6'3" and very Adult!) and asked the kid if he had a problem?  the kid, one leg over the counter, looked as surprised as I did. the Owner asked him do you want to purchase something? and the kid mumbled, "No." and ran off.  then the Owner walked over to my ice bin and said, " Mary, see this cut off pool cue in here?" "Yes", "Well, it's not just for breaking up the Ice."  Hmm what an enlightening night at work that was!
so after the shift was over the Owner asked me to stay and he offered to train me to run not just my little window, but the entire stand on that side. (Eventually within a few weeks I was running the concessions for the whole stadium). But, he said to me," I have to tell you something first."

I listened intently as he told me that my older brother, who had worked there at the concessions, had been caught stealing $50.00 from his till.  the Owner had let my brother go from his job. He had to tell me this although like other lessons in my life I still am not sure why he needed to tell me. But it affected me.  It affected me that my Brother would Steal, that he would Feel such a Lack in his life that he would Take from the Whole and Lie to Himself and others about his Responsibility Over money.  it was an awful feeling to me.  My Brother whom I loved so much must be in So Much Pain about Lack that rather than work and trade his work and money for what he wanted or got from life he was willing to Steal from all of us and Lie about it.  I went home and read in my bible about love  about that verse that no greater love hath a man than this than he give his life for the ones he loves.  I Decided to give me for my Brother.  I took out of him the impetus to steal.  I ate it.  I became it. and I remade him into someone that could not and would not tolerate Stealing.

earl grey hot!

Not having any training at what I was doing, and no thought but the one of pure Love give to one I love. I had not idea how to moderate that gift to him or to protect me from becoming what I took.  It took me years, LOL to learn how to move that out of me.  I spent many years Relatives being the best thief ever which I eventually transformed into being the best protector from stealing before I understood where this had come from and where was the place I could have and eventually did put that mentation. thank Life for that Blessing. and my Brother to the last day that I knew him hated Thieves, he is and was known as the most honest person and employee anyone could ever hire.  It was interesting Later when I was grown up and studying with my Spiritual Teacher about Prayer and remaking life and others with the Pipe and the Spirits Recreating us with our permission to look back on that event and realize what had happened to me and my brother and what had been manifested from the Love and Intention in my clear little Heart.  My Sincu

layers of new made from the old

Back to now, to the Fear and Lack that I hear about from GMa's about money and the future, about the Cloud that I can feel is so Willing to Define My Life.  Why ?  One of my friends calls it the Mirror of Hell. That is an interesting thought.  If we Need we create Lack. So How do we Live without Need Relatives?  How to make the Change, How to Transform, How to Reach outside of me, Beyond me into Your World, Our World. How to do that?  first I had to have the Path of the Intention.  There very definitely is a Way. But what is that Way? I spent the weekend as I have many days before, Looking Once Again at this cloud around all of us.  Why so much Fear, why so tight in our fists?  I Sat and thought, and Worked and thought, and Dreamed and Thought. and the Spirits finally gave me the Connecting Thought. the Transformational Thought.

turkeys waiting on the school bus

I got it  I got the connection the Fire to Hold  I found it.  Ha, funny it was there all along.

so Relatives  I have to go and pick up the boards for the ceilings from Menards. Thank you GMa (private donor who I am doing my best to keep from paying everyones way all by herself, she is that willing, that committed, that fearless about Life and she understands that the More she Gives the More there Is Access to) for your gift. anyhow, I have to go and do the work now for the house, later for this work that I do for You as Well Relatives,  I'll finish this thought, but I will HOLD It Always, Oh and there Will Be Ceremony here in Pipestone with the Pipes for this Way of No Way Saturday  but I will speak of that Later tater.

love and light
shadow and song
Mary

The Adventure of The Belt

Good Morning Relatives

It's a beautiful saturday here in Pipestone.  The Dogs always get up at about 4:30 ready to Do Something!  I am so happy to be in their company and for the fact that they are healthy.  I appreciate their love which is so unconditional. When I make mistakes with dogs they let me correct me and move on. We sometimes cry together, but I have never had such close unwavering love as from a dog. They are my heroes.

Spike

I've been thinking for a few years about the question of wether or not people humans our earth as we know it is worth saving?  I wonder how the entities made the decision previously that the world as it was known needed to be erased or radically changed. for example: the Great Flood, the Ice Age, the great volcanic Age, perhaps there was an age of meteorites?  Many cultures tell both creation and recreation stories. I often wondered why the dinosaurs had to all be eradicated? Were they too destructive to the overall balance of life here?  Were they so Hungry and Large and discompassionate that there was no opportunity of balance? No future for the dragon fly or the rose or the small toy poodle or rabbit?Is Creator so much and of such depth that all of the Ages are just an expression of a Season to the Divine Oneness?  I think it matters that most species here are able to live together.  I think that all together we create a sum that meets some sort of un tipping point. Matter and energy flowing back and forth like a great breath in and out. We have heard for years about global effect of our species on this globe.  I wonder how or if anything that we have done can be undone? Can our actions, which may not have been of the intention that we have grown into, be taken back to a point of origin or attachment and remade?

Can attachment or agenda be undone? Can we as the originators of an action or wave of resulting consequence from an nidus of intent be also able to suck back in that original thought and breath and remake it and then release it thus changing everything? I think that we can. I think that Transformation of Negativity into Positivity is the Advancement of our Age.

I learned to bead when I was a young girl.  I remember my mom and dad going to las vegas for something with my dad's work. When they returned my mom had on a beaded belt. It was made by native americans and it was amazing. I had never seen anything like it. The colors were primarily sky blue with red and white in the pattern. It blew me away.  I remember telling my mom how much I liked it and that I really wanted it.  I remember that she looked me right in the eye and said to me," Make your own belt."

Like most of the great teachings that have come to me in my life that statement, " Make your own belt" has taken most of my life so far to understand.  Yesterday I finally saw the other half of what my mom was teaching me with that belt.

After I expressed such strong desires about the beaded belt my mom took me to Tandy, bought me a little beaderette loom, some beads, some thread, and wax and told me to get started.  i still have the little container of special pink pearlecent beads that she bought me back then to use when I was good enough.  I've never quite been able to bring myself to use them Yet. LoL anyhow, I read the instructions, studied the relationships between the thread, the needle, the beads, and colors and patterns, and worked my way through many trial and error beading projects that sometimes got ripped out and sometimes were finally finished and also as amazing as that first belt. My mom took me to museums to see old beadwork and on occasion I had enough money to buy a book that I would find that showed a different relationship that was possible between those amazing little things. Beads, thread, leather, wax and patterns.  over the years there have been very few people that have given me beadwork. I always have made my own. And I have given beadwork away.  when I was first turning thirty and ending my 20's I made three belts. One was for my mom to honor her for her gift to me, one was about my dreams of horses and to honor my Arapaho ancestors and my Grandmother Nannie, and one was for me. it was of fall leaves.  I was born in the fall and it has always been one of my favorite times of year.  Everything smells different in the fall.  the Leaves change so gloriously before they Let Go of the Past and give over their little bodies to the generation of compost that helps keep the Earth warm through the Winter and Feeds the little spring bugs and flowers the next year.  the size of bead I most commonly use is a 13 cut,  there are 375 beads per square inch in a piece made with those beads. thats a really strong deep Medicine Way. Because I was young when I Made or Created Them, and They definitely are Entities, there is a lot of Raw Energy in them.  Like Fresh herbs Raring to go! Those belts took time and love and careful prayer as each bead was placed and each design taken from magic, from dreams, from the trees, from stories, from old ancient patterns and put together back in a new personal story on the belts.

Beadwork is really pretty simple, it is the time and effort that a person chooses to put  into understanding the relationship between all the parts that yields eventually not only a practiced hand, but a practiced eye.  Very often I can pick up a piece of beadwork that someone else made and hear or see the story in it.  I can feel the intent in the pattern.  There is an energy and a path that is made with beading that if done with song and prayer and intent intact will linger not just in the maker but the wearer the holder of it. If an object is also covered with an attachment that clouds it that attachment can sometimes be cleaned off, reworked, or the item can be buried and taken back to it's origin in a gentle and healing manner that is beyond my ability to facilitate.  On my way home from Lame Deer I stopped at a Catholic School museum and was looking at the beadwork in the cases.  the curator was there and he was surprised I think, that I sat down and wept at some of the dresses that I saw in the cases. He began explaining that the items were not stolen or take but donated by trial members who wanted them protected etc....  I told him I wasn't weeping over the things in the case. but because the people who made those things used to live lives that generated that kind of expression about their lives and their Relations with the Star Nation, the Spirits, Their Medicine and the Divine Breath.  I was Weeping I said because I don't see anyone Wearing or learning to make beadwork in todays society.

Tattoos are the same. Every time one is made the story and the ink and the artist both takes up a bit of the person and places a bit into the blood of the wearer a bit of themselves and it stays there as long as the pattern is intact and continues to radiate energy, intent and purpose throughout that design.  It was easier to understand that about tattoos for me because I had a Teacher tell me about it Clearly when I got my first one.  He had studied for as long as I have done beadwork tattooing. he had worked with the Hopi, some East Indian as well as some Japanese Masters, and I met him in Minneapolis years ago.  so it Was and it Is that each tattoo I have serves a purpose. A remaking of me and a making of me.  A binding to an intent.

This is both a recognition of the fact that I will not be able to "think" through everything that I do and a recognition that "I Am Committed To" thinking through everything that I do.  that the intention and the pattern and the blood and the ink will hold me even when I am unable to hold myself. Also that I will and have and do continue to reorient myself to the fire and the intention of the prayer not only that was spoken Aeons before me but that will be spoken Aeons from Now.  that intention is what holds me in place.

It is that kind of intention that I put in my belts. Even when I didn't understand what I was doing i was doing just That. How do I know that? because I see it in the beadwork of me. of Mary. I was created like a piece of Beadwork. Made a Certain Way  and That Way will unfold as surely as any pattern I placed in the falling leaves on my own belt. My mother was trying to tell me to Create my Own Life.  But, Relatives she was also trying to tell me Not, to Give Away My Life to Another just because they wanted it or, just because I Wanted Something From Them.  she was also trying to Teach me as I just and only realized Yesterday that my belt once I have it is Precious to Me. It was given to me and that is not to be taken lightly or to be given away to another.  And, I think she also tried to show me that it is important to Teach Others that You Can Make Your Own Belt.

I gave away one of my belts to someone after my sister died.  I was not in a place of self respect or understanding about me and the medicine that I am Entrusted with here in this Time.  I wanted to please the person I gave it to, I wanted to put a buffer between me and the strength of their energy. I wasn't yet able to stand in my own place truly UnMoveAble As I Am Now.  I was afraid of her and I wanted to be attached to her at the same time. I wanted an in. so I gave it.  I didn't understand at the time fully what I was doing.  I remember part of my awareness but I also know that since I was a little girl I have sought and valued and missed love and family and companionship more than Anything. I have throughout my life been known as a giveaway girl. LOL when I was little I was always trying to Help. I think that the Fear of Others and Lack of Confidence in Me that was hammered into me as a Child translated in or through my pattern into a sideways way of Relating to People.  it has taken me a really really LONG time to untwist that intent from my Own Pattern and to remake me finding and keeping the Original Beads and Thread and not Throwing Away all of it. But Straightening and cleaning and reorienting, and discovering and practicing the Remaking of Mary.  One of the hardest Parts of this cleaning and Reorienting is understanding What is of Me, and Which is of Another's Intent towards Me.  That My Friends is also something that helps create what we do, how we choose, Until, we are able to Understand that Intention Towards us Exists and Affects us until WE Disallow that in our own Path.  Now, this does not Mean not being Connected  we ARe Connected it simply Means disallowing Others Influence or Intent to Drive Us.  Kind of makes Their Footprint back to its original size and Means we are and Will Be Responsible for Our Own.

The Giveaway of the Belt was one of those things I had to remake.  It was a final expression of something that I had to undo in me and relearn recreate and in the interim teach and giveaway the Lesson Not the Life.  It's all about Holding The Fire. it takes a pureness to be Fire, and a pureness of intent to hold it without influencing it. To Feed it without gorging it, to let it burn down without going out, to understand its Relationship and Participate without getting burned or being consumed or growing cold from being unwilling to get close enough for fear of being burned.

I think that my mother saw that pureness in me when i was young and she was trying to protect me, to reach me through the only medium that she could.  Do I think she knew exactly what she was saying and doing? no I don't but I think that my Mother knew when to Leap, when to Act, when to Say what the Spirits needed saying in the Moment.  And as all the things my Mother was, she was truly Fearless when it came to understanding Self and the Power the Intent of Self could create in the World. I think my Mother saw in me that my greatest gift and my greatest flaw was that I gave myself to Love. Unconditionally but also way too Naively.  I think that she knew Way More about the World I would encounter and how Hard it would be to survive it with Love Intact Not as a Child, but as a Warrior, Healer, Grownup, Teacher, Holder of the Fire.  My Mother is the one who would find me up in the Night watching the Fire, Talking to the Ancestors, Finishing the Puzzles, weaving in what was Left Out and Undone in the Night.  She is the One who Saw me at my most Original State. She knew I think, that if she did not Teach me to be Careful, I would give all of everything away at the wrong time in the wrong place for the wrong reason.  And That would be a Waste of Her Gift of Making Me.

And I did. and I have. Done just as She feared, but maybe not too much Too Late, EH? As with the Belt.  So that Act of Love and seeking Love where it was not really mine to have, that Act of trading my medicine belt, trading me, bonded me to that person in a way that was incredibly destructive to both of us.  I can look back now and see the reverberation through our relations and some of the relations around us compounding my intent combined with the receiving intent (which is not for me to speak of or identify) into an off center force that became more and more destructive as it vibrated out from that belt and all that it came in contact with on its journey.  this Relatives is why we have to Pay Attention to Our Intent and Our AGENDAs. Because they Do have energy and will Last and Vibrate out a Long time and really Really Far.

The Spirits have spent quite a long time trying to teach me to Be the Being That I Am.  To stand in and understand me so that I Hold My Own Fire.  They have taught me Finally enough that I am beginning the inkling of that Position.  this summer they gave me a dream very clearly of the belt coming back to me.  It was very clear.  So I undertook the journey of Taking Back the Belt and as Best as Possible Owning my Own previous Agenda and taking the hits while Standing my Ground and Undoing the Doing that was creating Negativity and in So undoing, Transform it all into Positivity.  And Now, to Give it to You.

I am well aware that I don't control the entire puzzle.  LOL  I do understand that the Others that were involved in the Adventure of the Belt will have their Own Teachings, Transformations, and Love to gain from the contact they had with it.  I will hold them in my thoughts with love and care even as they have me.

Relatives I do think we can Where we Can go back and ReMake our Intent, ReMake our Agendas, Transform our world.  I think we can Find the Strength in our Skills and Learn the Application that maintains the Warmth in the Winter, and Feeds the Flowers in the Spring.

I am going to make, beginning today, small beaded medicine bags for the Center. They will be made with the intention of selling them as a Way of Supporting this House and This Project.  it is something that I Can Do with Beadwork for You, for This Place, for The Future. I will make them and post them somehow so that If Anyone Wants One they can Purchase it as a New Beginning for their Relationship with this House.

all my best
all my love
in my heart
to the fire
to your heart
mary

wax on wane off

Good morning Relatives
 It has been an interesting morning  it is going to be very cold this coming overnight.

how Are you today? I am concerned a bit that we are surrounded by something that is sort of sitting there like its in the air.  I woke up surrounded by a weird but not unfamiliar sense of what wanted to feel like overwhelming sadness today.  I say not unfamiliar because I have seen this presence affect others that I grew up with and surrounding our family sometimes.  It was here in the morning.  I decided not to run away from it or try and work through or over it. Knowing that ignoring it would feed it as surely as grasping on to it.  I was once again grateful that I do not have television and right now do not have to report to work as I think that would distract me from taking a true look at these things that I believe are so necessary for all of us to See  to clearly see as Clear as possible so That we can make True Choices.  It is important for me to remember that This Work this Blog is also Work and is Necessary to Our Lives. So when I looked at this Heavy Heavy Cloud I remembered that it was not me nor was it about me and that it was not for me to Fix.  It actually didn't feel fixable which was part of what made it seem so Present!  It was very important to remember that what is Available to be Felt in the world or ether or air around me is Not necessarily Me.  Nor is it Of me.

Wicket, Marshal, Jingle Belle saying thank you

So, I sought perspective outside of my own head for which I am grateful to the internet, the phone, and to all who are Available in This World.  and through that careful but not dependent reaching. Found the thought that in my life there is Wax and Wane,  Flush and Thin, Breath in Breath out.  and it was really Interesting that yesterday was a day of Rest.  like the Resting Beat of the Heart.

Mr Kitty always helping

did you know that the Heart is a muscle that is filled passively?  It sends out its push for the sustainment of life with great Action.  Then it rests  The Heart Rests before the Pressure and Weight of the Blood that is in Need of Re-oxygenation Returns to its source of impetus The Great Pump to be restored.  It is the weight of the blood falling into the Chamber that fills the Heart.  It is the vacuum or emptiness of that Chamber that allows the returning blood that is Not only Empty of Oxygen  of Life but Carrying that trash that it drove from the Cells at Work  that Trash that if it accumulated inside of us would poison us It is That Blood that pushes the walls of the Heart Open and then the Great Muscle empties the lungs which have restored the Blood by Driving that life forward into our arteries creating the Ever Present Commitment of the Lungs to Receive the trash, INhale the oxygen, Do the Work, let Go of the Trash, and uptake the Oxygen thus transforming our Heart back into the River of life the Taker of death back into our center of center, our heart of the Fire inside ourselves.

first meal cooked here going into the oven

Yesterday for me was the Resting finally after the Trip   this morning was the Waning   the Trash day
the breathing in and out and letting the Restoration come passively as the Blood dumped all the trash into the lungs and the Transforming Cells of my life.    I realized when speaking this morning with my soul friend that I had forgotten Once again about the Waning  about the trash that accumulates and flows around All of us.  As the Panda says, Wounds mean we were present during the Work, Scars are a sure Sign that wounds Heal, and Scars Fade if WE don't Pick at them.  So Work = Trash, funny I fourgot about the Trash.

It was good to also remember that my Heart my Fire would endure  it would sustain the Rim of my life  Even without all of You here in body presence,  in Laughter and in watching or sensing the movement of you just outside the edge or corner of my eyesight, your Presence here sustains me. It comforts me and reminds me that I have family that my Heart along with Your Heart matters.  And that during that Resting Beat when the Floatsome and Jetsam float in closer to the Fire they are coming in to be cleansed to be released into that transformational place that we created with our work. that commitment of the Spirits to take care of us to Heal to watch over and to sustain us even as we sustain Their connection to This World. When I was at Lame Deer I met an Anishinabe Elder who told me the story of the great Spirit Eagle that comes in the Night to gather in its wings and feathers all the Debris of the Day from the Resting People.  Then that Great Eagle flies up to through the Star Nation out the little hole in the Sky gourd to where Takucnascnan is (Creator). There the Eagle releases all the debris out of its wings and Creator cleanses the Eagle who has cleansed the People and very carefully not let any little bit slip or drop or fall onto an unsuspecting Star or Relative along the way.
There Creator looks at all the jewels that have been collected and returned and once again selects and places those "jewels" back amongst the People where they can do the most valuable thing.  It is an old story that I was not brought up with.  Old stories told late in life are best Heard but not Easily Remembered.  I must Retrain myself Now in Remembering these new life giving Stories.  So that I am not wasting my Life struggling with the floatsome and jetsam that is stirred up or the natural consequence of the Work of the Day.  Like the Fire burning the Wood, it produces Heat and Light, and Warmth.  But also Ash, and Gasses, and Vacuum sucking the Oxygen out of the Air.   So our Work Relatives, Creates Debris.  and what are we doing with that Debris?  Think about it with me for a bit.

Jingle shows off the winter insulation bales

Today I understand more clearly the balance of the wax and wane of the work here at the GMa house.  It is more clear now that there is actual movement in the energy here. I think when I first came here there was so much to do, and I was still shedding the way of living that I was leaving behind. but there is a movement. There is a balance point between the in and out breath. it truly is the Center of the East and West Gate. I like now knowing that over Time I , We, Others will come to understand the depth of that Name and Place.  It is a different life than I had all my life, even as short a time as last year.  but I see that it is a life that is meant for Here.  It's like the Spirits weaving our new Life Fabric from all over and it includes all of us Everyone all over and it is Steady and it has an In and Out, each brings either trash to be burned up or oxygen to also be burned up. funny isn't it? Same Fire,  Same Mary, Same House, Same World, Same Day just different IN and Out.  No Biggie

Ready for helping!

I like it   it gives more comfort when all of you are all so physically Far Away.  When the Great Jetsam and Floatsome shows up I will now know that We, All of us, have Created Movement.  I will do my best to cry a little if some of it gets in my Eye, and to Remember that that Cloud is a sign that the Wind is Blowing, that the People are Moving about and within.  That the Great Heart is ready now to Refill, and it first Refills with the Non-Oxygenated so that it will drive out the Oxygenated to the Cells.  and I will ask the Great Eagle to Come and Clean ever so Gently with its wings and Return to Takucnascnan what was and are the jewels that made today so precious.

lunch is ready apples, sausage, onion, and sauce

I love you all
I appreciate you
I honor you
I respect you

Breath in     Rest   Breath out

All My Relations
mary

Home on the Range

Yea!!!!
I'm home! safe and sound and glad to have my feet firmly on the ground.  Thank you Relatives for the beauty way that you helped the Spirits create for a safe journey to Tucson and then home.  Thank you so much for the gifts, the stories, the love, the struggles, the beauty, the tears, the lessons, the dreams and the wonderful way that We are All remaking the world.  Thank you!
the dogs and cat are very glad that I am home and we had a great time yesterday.  There are already two GMa's on their way over today to visit and discuss the gathering at AZ and to visit about some teachings we are working on.  WE are Doing it! here in Pipestone MN!

the new siding is going great!

It was an amazing journey.  the Ice in Colorado turned into Snow in Nebraska and Wind here in SD and Minnesota.  It was 27 degrees in colorado and 68 when I arrived home in the North Country.  Awesome shifts are happening.

An update on the house, the siding guys took a break while I was gone to help with the Harvest and also to complete some smaller jobs for other people in need.  They are planning on coming back next week to finish the house.  WE have met 23% of the goal! yea!! the total cost of the labor for the siding is 6400.00 so we have met 23% of that goal.  yea!! I have already paid for the supplies, materials, and trash removal/disposal. If you can send a donation send it to P.O. Box 291 Mary Brown  Pipestone MN 56164.  Thank you to all of you who are helping it is making a huge difference.

The insulation that was put in before I left is working! Inside the house is definitely warmer than outside. Also no pipes froze which is great!!  the next phase is the design and installation of the radiant heat system.  I am working with a design guy who has 40+ years of experience [you can look him up and review his website if you like! (http://radiantdesigninstitute.com)]as well as a plumber who is honest and careful.  so the plan is to prepare the system for the entire house and install enough of it to make it through the winter in an effective and cost efficient way. Yea!

the wild turkeys checking in 

some folks asked about my work so here is the synopsis.  I own a veterinary software company that allows me to work from any where. We are just coming out of beta testing and have made one sale. I will be attending the veterinary dental conference in Seattle in November, and also going to SC this fall to do some training and demo/sales.  I also am starting EMT school in January.  Our local county EMS is based here in Pipestone and they are paid volunteers.  They will pay for me to go to school (three months) which is 8 miles away, if I volunteer for 2 years.  So an excellent trade.  I can volunteer part time or full and will receive benefits and be paid when I work.  And I work as of today!! a couple hours  on busy days at the local coffee shop to help with dishes, cleanup, prep and general goferness. It all adds up and I've no attachment to big bucks just steady work and good heart!

for future developments, On the trip to Tucson I literally ran into Justin Gold founder and CEO of Justin's Nuts; he makes nut butters, at a wayside stop in Utah.  LOL I discussed with him a business I have tossed about in my head for at least 12 years which is to manufacture and sell savory peanut butters.  I have the recipes, the name, the business plan I just needed encouragement. He offered encouragement and support! yea Justin! So I'm going to write a proposal for a small business loan to create a peanut butter company here in Pipestone and he agreed to help me! Cool huh  he will help with resources and contacts. That will be great  we will not have such a long hard learning curve thanx to his contribution to the great circle! The business model is as unique as the product. Every person in the company will exchange/rotate positions every 6 months.  Remember circle practice?  that way there is a leader in every job, each person will understand the parameters of each task that is involved in making the whole company a success.  Each person will be paid the same living wage with a bonus quarterly that will be designed on the profits and balance of keeping the company solvent long term. Each person as they rotate positions will be encouraged to help continuously reflect on the task and redesign to keep things efficient and effective. It will also help encourage and teach good circle practice, excellent work ethics and skills, and maintain a horizontal skilled workforce.  Once the brand is successful and we are being sold at Whole Foods, etc.... then we will create other production plants on the same model across the country to meet the need.  There will be a limit to the shipping range of the product so that each region can have a sustainable company from the production plant near them.  Like the GMa Gatherings being limited to ~50 attendees  it maintains that personal touch and excellence as an alternative to a big conglomerate.  Remember we are not after huge profits, but huge changes in how we all see our day and are skilled in our life, the peanut butter is just the icing on the cake of life.  We will use circle practice to teach good communication skills and problem solving at work. Justin loved the work model idea.   Very cool  glad I took that scenic view exit. LOL get it both he and I took the scenic view out in the wasteland of utah LOL

Lots of work and opportunity coming our way.  Oh and Eleanor and I are writing the book on Gma as predator.  So

got to get the heat in the house and the siding finished so we can get on with our work! This afternoon I will be meeting with these two GMa's then installing the outdoor lights and outlets, finish installing outlets inside and begin prepping the upstairs for wall coverings.  tomorrow I will work on wall coverings in the upstairs and installing the reclaimed flooring in the kitchen and downstairs utility rooms. I may have the opportunity to seal and install the tile in the bathroom this week also.

it has been an exceptional day here in Pipestone,  the GMa's came and we visited  it was great! they rock!  we discussed the circle practice, using the mirror to check agendas, the self predatory complex, and the workshop with snow white the evil queen little red riding hood and the wolf. What a great day.

buddha with pipedust sprinkles and tobacco in hand

I want to thank all of you who have created this blog by asking for it, by reading it, by sharing it with others.  Thank you  I am honored to be your friend.  Today is just kind of a catch up day and a big day for thank you's and for gratefulness

thank you

love every day
Mary

burning the stumps

Good Morning Relatives

It is 27 degrees this morning here in Calhan Colorado.  It was a very interesting day yesterday on the motorcycle.  As I drove north and then east from Taos I had big plans to make it all the way to nebraska or south dakota.  Well there was a different agenda in the making between the Sun, the Sky, the Thunder Beings, and the Earth Mother.  As I headed to the low pass just east of Alamosa that crosses over and into Walsenburg I saw a bank of low clouds sitting on the hills that were definitely snow clouds.  Going over that pass the temperature dropped to 31 degrees (there is a sensor on the bike) and the wind was from the East.  I saw people stopping and taking pictures of how the East side of the Trees were covered in Ice, and the West side still vibrant and soft.  It was an amazing shift in the relationship between directions.

Once I got to Pueblo things had warmed up a bit and after stopping for coffee I thought well I'll check the satellite weather map and see where this event is headed.  I thought if I could get east of Denver, avoid the mountains and head North at Limon I could still make some daylight hours on the bike.  But remember what OOgway said about meeting my destiny on the road I Take to Avoid it.   Well I met it all right.  As I got out of Colorado Springs on 24 once again the sky turned grey brown, the temp started to drop and Ice began to form on my face shield.  The bike kept warning me it was really cold but I had overshot my intent to save money by saving time. So the road I took took to save money and time by not trusting the Spirits to provide enough for the future, took me very close to not being here at all and I spent the last 9.5 miles at 30 degrees going about 50 mph with sheet ice on my jacket, my glasses, my face shield, and praying that the road was dry which it was. I just kept thinking of the Fire, asking for help and going forward while making a strong note to self that I would relax my agenda about fear of money in favor of not crashing and freezing to death. Its not easy being the person who seems to learn by the big stick method way too often.  Eventually there appeared a little Econolodge out here in the plains of Co. Shelter never looked so good.

This morning the sun is up the sky is clear which means it is colder even than yesterday and I am waiting on the warmth to penetrate the Heart of the day before I once again head North East.  There will be a short window today of drivable temperatures.  As much as I want to be home with the house and my dogs and cat, it is today a journey in being careful and being attentive and truly letting go of my own agenda and trusting the Spirits to take care of me.  It is much harder than I ever thought it would be to trust they will provide.  I'm not sure why that has always been so hard? I know however I am not the only one who wants to trust and find that balance point between appropriate intent and inappropriate intent. The balance between give and take with no agenda. It takes real practice of looking again and again in the mirror to see what is my agenda and is my intent intact.

It took years of practice to trust my intent. To trust the little gut feelings that would tell me about me and about what was going on around me.  To not take personal the agendas that would bleed into my brain and vibration from other people. To throw off the acquiescing to violent peoples agendas or displeasure. Standing still in the middle of a rock concert and hearing one sound the sound of me, then proceeding to move through and in spite of the crowd, is how it feels sometimes. yet I find that I have earned my own right from me to trust me and to trust the Spirits.  I had it long ago, that knowing, from the beginning I think. now it is returned. I just have to practice it in a wider circle. Like on the motorcycle looking at weather reports and juggling being over conscientious about money and time. It is coming faster and faster. Like I have tipped the learning curve and am on the downhill part of the curve, still its important to be attentive so as not to hit any trees.

One of the biggest lessons learned, taught, practiced in the circles at the GMa gathering in AZ this year was about looking in the Mirror to see what my agenda was, is.  Paying attention to the center point of the Fire and the Way of the Day.  I had the opportunity this year to really witness how I have finally killed off one of my most damaging self predatory agendas. And, not only have I learned to cut its head off every time it rears its little mug ( oh yes our most invested agenda weeds are like the hydra, they grow two more when you whack them, be sure to commit to burning the stumps), I am finally learning to transition that opportunity into an opportunity of replacing negativity with positivity and love.  It is an active, or act-of steadfastness that creates something to heal the night sky. It is anything but static.

That act-of-steadfastness begins with learning the skill of looking in the mirror to check my lipstick. By checking my lipstick I am alluding to the inner discernment and acknowledgement of what my intent is in putting lipstick on.  Why do it? why sugar coat a pill? why lean on something or embellish it? why push? why not just state the plain simple facts. Lipstick, Trick or Treat. to enhance and enjoy or to lure and trap. Which mirror reflection is it? Do we have the courage to look and See which it is?

This kind of honesty is imperative if we are going to be able to dance on the ice while the east wind is blowing and the task is to get to the north endure the journey and back to work without resting on our laurels.  In other words, be in our spirit selves all day everyday in our language, hand movements, work and play, communication and our Real lives! If we are going to recreate the "real world" then we have to begin by being Our Real Selves.

It has to start with developing a relationship with the mirror itself.  It took time when we were in circle at the GMa's, for me to even be comfortable looking at me. to look in the mirror.  I wanted to avoid it.  To criticize or judge me. to Evaluate. Encourage myself.  Anything but just look  just see who was looking back at me.  I had to learn to relax and just look in the mirror. and when I did finally relax, it wasn't so bad. LOL I wasn't so scary to me after all, I actually could see traces of humor, kindness and strength. that was nice. So I can be comfortable with me.  That's a great start towards being comfortable with anything else.

Given that I am the only thing in the world that I can change. and Given that prophecy that when the grandmothers speak the world will heal. and Given that healing means change. I am back to the thought, "physician heal thyself." So if I am the only thing I can change. then what am i going to change and how? and since it is with words (speaking). then what am I going to say?  and to whom and with what intent?  It is a pretty simple thing to figure out that when I cut out trying to get any and everyone to be for, or about, or because of, or according to me (and vis versa me to them) then evaluating just what is left of me is pretty simple.  good luck with that sentence, I wrote it and it still takes me a minute.  LOL

What kind of world do I want any how? I want it to be friendly,  to be kind, to be strong in a steadfast and impenetrable way but very permeable to love and fire, to be deep, then deeper, then again so that the immense depth of this time and opportunity can bee released and felt and enjoyed and held even if just for one moment.  I like funny, I like tears, they are good, I like relationship and privacy, silence and sound. I like not getting between someone and their problem so that I don't become an additional problem for them. I also like not putting others between me and my problems as it tends to be really hard on us. So these are things that will drive my intent. this is the world I will try and change things towards.  How many of you/us have ever thought through that old prophecy and asked what language will they speak in? what do they want to change things to? Are they democrat or republican? (just kidding) LOL but it matters. investigate the thoughts that drive you.  Don't just swallow the agenda of a prophecy just because it sounds cool. make sure you believe it and it will withstand a little poking to check and make sure it is real.  Poke the things that are supposed to save you.  Kick the tyres, if your faith won't withstand questioning it certainly won't save you.

More shaking out the debris from mary's grandmother save the world tree; I dont want to be taken advantage of or take advantage, but I want to give and receive.  I want to witness how everyone else sees and experiences the world in such a unique way and I also want to have joy form others being glad for my unique way.  I want to be responsible on My Path but not responsible for Yours. This is my intent  this is my doing I guess my yardstick.

so knowing my world view mirror, the next thing is to accept that not all that comes to me is positive. so the next skill is to learn to discern. Will what is said or done or ?? to or towards me feed the Fire?  Will it? are you here to speak to the Fire or to agendize me? Am I  here to speak to the Fire or agendize you? good question. If you try and agendize me can I recognize it and deflect it and return to the Fire? Can I recognize in me (so fast you couldn't see it) any agenda from me towards you and cut off its head, burn the stumps and return to the Fire between us? Sounds like a plan to me.

Im going to give an example as a way of sharing this then I am going to go to bed!  my head is getting tired. LOL
ok
deflecting and transforming what appears in the mirror
good skills for grandmothers
oh and don't forget to burn the stumps!

it is often on a motorcycle adventure that others try and place me in charge of their fears about bikes. it is done in the guise of "looking out for my safety" and sometimes others just outright hit me with their best negative shot to try and satisfy their need to create and feed fear in the fire.  Now having ridden since I was 10 yrs old I have heard tons o these comments from any and every person at any opportunity with an agenda about motorcycles and safety.  so I've had lots of practice,  and this is a tip  best to go ahead and practice these skills with your most experienced subject and the most predictable folks around you so that you can really try out some new observation, deflection, transformation skills!  Remember, stop trying to change them, don't avoid them, stand in you, change you, and then deliver. cool  I bet your life like mine is a walking classroom!

ok here we go
a GMa (perfect place for that predator to show up, how many predators use the GMa outfit to sneak in that self serving agenda!) who I encountered during prep for the gathering, made a comment that she saw I rode in on my "Donorcycle."  (cue tone and facial expressions) I looked up at her recognizing the tone, the agenda, the opportunity, the person and her proclivity to inflict harm in some well meaning way of judgementalness, and the topic {see faster than lightening!) so , rather than be a target, or try and change her or grab onto this challenge, I said," the only donations that that bike is allowed to make to me (thus receiving the word of her choice, drawing a boundary) are a safe journey, beautiful memories, comfortable companionship, and the meeting of excellent people along the way, and to live to ride again tomorrow; as my father taught me." (thus invoking all the strengths, magic, protection, joy, and ancestral watching over me I could think of in that lightening strike). Successfully deflecting her judgement, prediction, intent to harm, negativity, and small minded bitterness translated so transparently as "care and greeting to me." I transformed the opportunity into a beauty way blessing for my bike, me and my relatives who have learned to and do weave a road of beauty and joy and safety and comfort around me as I travel on the bike.
no apology, no criticism, no joking or mocking, no wavering (that, is burning the stumps). it is very vey important to burn the stumps.  If you ever see Bruce Lee when he fought He had that look of resolve at the end of his moves, as does the Panda, no apology, no joke, no shit. Either we save the world or we don't.

that is using the mirror to receive, deflect, transform, and return the kind of world this GMa wants to live in.

watch kung fu panda 2 you will see this skill in that movie.

ok
time for bed
love and light to the children of Cheyenne, Shadow and song full of stars and safety to the Children of Cheyenne and all their Relations.  love love love
Thanx to all who have and are creating a safe and beautiful ride home for me and the bike. I look forward to only 6more hours of riding before I greet my beautiful four legged family and the wonderful grandmother house in the making.
sweet dreams to all my relations
mary

I know why Krishnamurti Died

Good morning Relatives  
Its the first morning of internet access after the GMa's gathering ended. Thank you for holding the fire while we were gathered.

I woke up with that Thought in my head, "I know Why Krishnamurti Died."

It came from the Dreamtime.  Clear and straight to my heart as a shot in the Dark.

It's always difficult to decide where to go after a ceremony.  After a gathering of like minded men or women or beings. its always difficult to know where to spend that first night.  I think Transition/Transformation is one of the most challenging tasks we have in this day and age.  It requires so much skill. When every ounce has already been spent getting to the gate. When do you open it, and which path do you take beyond?

 I used to look at all the options with a complete inability to figure out who I might offend the most if I did not go to their home, or dinner, or ????  Other times I was amiss trying to figure out what would be the most supportive for an exhausted Warrior of the Heart and her post ceremonial need to rest and reorient to a world that is overwhelmingly so disconnected from the Fire.  When I was Younger and perhaps not so deep LOL verbally, I would chat all the way home about all the Spirit Lessons, the Teachings, the Possibilities that I could see stretched out like magic through the universe of our lives. I would not stop even after I got home, talking bubbling exuding Light and Joy and dynamic change that was an apparent endless River that I was definitely standing in the middle of. LOL  I remember one night, after getting back from New Mexico and a visit with one of my Tewa Teachers, standing at the door of my girlfriends house after we had gotten her settled from our long trip and long drive home. I was still so Radiant.  She looked at me at the door and rather than mirroring what I was LOL and giving me a kiss good night she said to me, " Mary its time to get back to the Real World."

Another time, I was at a friends house where several of us had gathered( being young and ready to go out and Change the world). We spent the evening making and sharing food, discussing any and everything that we thought would make a difference in ours and thus our worlds life. We hammered away at each other as only the young will tolerate and still get up to laugh and go again tomorrow. Towards the close of the Evening, 3AM, I remember standing out in the yard under the Stars with my friend Jonathan. He said to me that how I saw the world was not sustainable, that I had to go back to being Real. ( I had heard that before.) He said that it was exhausting trying to Hold the Fire of Enlightenment in everyday words, everyday action, everyday thought.  He said that once he had looked in the Light, and Seen he had to cover it over, to let it go so that he could go on.  He said, " Don't you ever turn this off?"
I was astounded. I said to him Jonathan, Once you have Seen, or Looked into the Light, how can you ever look away? The pain the tired ness comes from Looking away, from putting it down and then occasionally remembering to pick it up or look again for it. It's like a pipe bundle that you have stuck somewhere in a closet, or a covered over alter that is dusty and may have underwear left on it because it was convenient at the time to drop them there. I told him I couldn't let it go, that for me it IS the Real World and all the rest was what we used to escape it. An escape I did not understand what so ever.

its been years LOL since I've had a girlfriend. LOL I think she is still swimming towards me through the cosmic crap as I am swimming towards her.  It's more likely that we are swimming in the same direction in parallel universes! ha!

Anyhow, where to go after ceremony.  Well I think the answer lies in another story.  It was when I was a little girl that my dad ran over my kitten, in the driveway, on the way to Church. We were all dressed up and clean and quiet in the car, off once a gain to the church. My dad was terrified of dyeing. He had become a christian when I was very young and had dedicated himself to it with a great fervor. When I was ten years old he would assign me a passage in the good book to read and study. He had a great library of translations of the Bible, Greek and Hebrew dictionaries, Commentaries and literature on what God meant in its pages. Or rather what the ones who collated the acceptable version and wrote the acceptable versions pages were trying to communicate or agendize all of us with. (it was a bit disturbing to my dad when i came up with that idea, but that was later, when he decided that our lessons were over). Anyhow, when I was 10, he would assign me a passage. I was to read then study the passage in any available resource. ( we did not have computers then) Decide on what I thought it meant. Formulate my understanding and defending arguments based on the "fact, fiction, and reasoning I could muster and I would stand at attention before him seated at his desk, (it was only fair as he was 6'5"and a former Marine Corp Captain), and we would debate.  I never saw in the verses what he did.  I was never not able to be unmovable in my thought or position. Clearly and Concisely and happily doing what I thought would please my Father. He on the other hand dismayed himself and I realized later, trained me for Now. We never ever were in agreement, and I never saw what he did in those verses or believed like he did. To Him they were the end of the road of Love and without it I was doomed as was he. It was an interesting time.

My Father thought that he would go to heaven or hell based not on his own actions, but on mine.  I was his Child. He believed that he had to train me so that when my actions were accounted for he would end up in the good place.  After years of consideration, I actually think he might be correct, but that is another debate for another late night dinner with friends.  So, there we were, that fateful sunday, in the car backing out to head off for Church or Crutch as I called it, and he ran over my kitty. I was sitting in the back seat behind the driver, my dad, crammed in with all five kids, and I heard her squeal as the sound of a soft definite crunch echoed through the car as it rolled over Something. We all froze.  I don't think there was a one of us that did not know what that combination of sounds meant. I was always dragging home animals to visit with and have as a companion for my day.  My dad was always disposing of them one way or another until finally when I was in Jr High we as a family researched  the perfect dog and went to get it.  LOL life is funny isn't it  we are all so funny how we think we can avoid our Destiny on the Road we take to Find it.

After the Silence that followed the crunch, We all got out of the car and went in the house. My dad came in much later and I asked him if we were going to Crutch and he said, "Not Today."  it was too overwhelming for him.  Too much.  The Crutch wasn't going to support him when he had killed my kitty. I don't think I ever remember my dad being so sad like that until my sister died.  It was a really tough day. We, he were all stuck in that dreadful place of being unable to Transition, to Transform our selves between the Real World and the Spirit World. i realized at that moment that there was a "between space".  A place where we all get lost  between the Spirit World, and what everyone calls the Real World.

I had trouble with that "between space" for much of my young adult life.  It took Years, to figure out that the between spaces were where I would loose my way.  That if I was in School, at a meeting, in Ceremony, at work or doing a Task I was fine. I did really well. choices were easy to make.  It was in Between those things that I didn't know what to do with me with. I suppose that's what people use TV for, or meditation, or sports, or drugs, or alcohol, or music, or committees, or shopping, or eating, or??? to fill up the Between spaces.  After I realized, that what I was doing or saying or?? in the between spaces was not only affecting my life, often it was determining wether or not I was having a successful or what I refer to as a "keepable" life. So I made the decision to fill that Between space with the pipe, with the Spirit world and my relationship of The Heart and the Spirit world.  To do what my Friend Jonathan and my ex were afraid of.  Get rid of the Between spaces.

It has taken every day since then and much much falling down and finding my way through the light, into the dark and back out again to the light, to try retrain myself about my life. There have been many many extraordinary experiences along the way including this past week/ends GMa gathering. There have been many painful losses as well as extraordinary non-coincidences. But I am finally simply happy.  I'm not perfect and have had no intention of becoming or finding perfection. I am well aware that I have tons to learn. But this morning I learned how to choose where to go after ceremony and I learned why Krishnamurti died.

One of the Most important things that elimenates the between spaces is Holding the Fire.  Maintianing the fire Focus in my heart in my breath in my very cellular intent.  It is not as hard as it seems.  Mostly it is about not letting anything else divert me. or move me.  It is remaining the uncarved block. the immovable stance. the stone that allows the wind to pass through with no resistance.  It is standing on the cusp of the waterfall in the midst of the stream and ever Being in the exact Now moment that the water meets its tipping place over the edge.  It is the place of unwavering commitment.  It is Being Love    Period

That is the place I found and in finding it I found that because I have given my life to the Spirits, they will take me to the place that I am needed the most.  That that place, is ever present, wherever I AM.  So now I don't have to worry about where to go after the fact.  I just have to show Up where ever I AM.

When I was at the GMa's the last few days I finally realized that when I was Holding the Fire in front of me, I could accept that there had been Firekeepers behind me (now Spirit fires). There were Other fires other Intentional Keepers who had and still were Holding the Fire.  If I connected my heart to their Fire from behind and below and above and around me then not only could I suspend myself in that Intentional Fire, but that they would Hold me as I Held the Fire before me.  and We together would have one Heart One Fire.  Very cool
the intentional circle.  I found it.  Ha!  Awesome!!!!!  Sweeeeeet
that is an excellent elimination of betweenness. that will help with Transition.

it is the Transition the Transmutation of Now or how we were before that will change something.  That will actually make a difference.  having an ah-ha moment will only light up your brain for a bit. A great teaching dream or lesson will sometimes traumatize us so that we can't Wait for it to end or dissolve into forgetfulness while we lay aside our commitment to Change on the floor with our underwear. CPE says that if we focus on the phenomenal experience more than we actually actualize with it, then we have missed the gift.  I agree.

I had a super strong dream last night that woke me right up early this morning.  It was a dreamtime place where I was with "family" I love and we were talking.  As we were talking in the dreamtime, this Major Spirit Being walked in with two of the Ancient Dogs or Canids by its side.  the Dog Beings were huge and a bit scary because they were so obviously powerful and Not at all modern dogs or "tame" dogs.  The Dogs were walking by and then stood near me.  I reached out to them and visited with them and held out my hand.  One of the Dogs took its time and gazed in my eyes then came over to me and touched my hand.  It was amazing, I was filled with joy and deep old thought. As the Dog Being was touching my hand one of the "family" yelled at the dogs. It was a sound of fear and intended to scare or send them away  like a warning.  The Dogs and the Spirit Being immediately left.  I don't think it was because they were scared but because they will only come when and where they are welcome. Where the heart Accepts Them as they Are.
I was so pissed and shocked!  I said,"Why did you do that!!! That dog didn't mean any harm!" He had no excuse just did it because he was naweze (jealous). It was like a school yard bully five years old ruining it for everyone.  He really truly didn't care. and as the Dream went on it became apparent that he never would.

 It was then that something broke in my heart. Like I had been shot.  I woke up and said right out loud, I know why Krishnamurti died. I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to even attempt to live one minute longer. The Loss of that connection with the Ancient Dogs and the ignorance and fear that created that break was unbearable to face even one more minute. Krishnamurti died because He got overwhelmed with others endlessly listening but not transitioning.  Not transmuting their lives into what he could see when he looked around him. He could see the Dogs, He could see all of it.  He was a great speaker, He dedicated his Life at a very early age to the "Path of the Masters" and he lived his life along and as that path.  He wrote, lectured, talked, pleaded with the masses to change to see to let go of the illusion that was and is used to escape the Light.  I think he just simply got tired of the overwhelming lack of fire around him.  I'm not sure if he had firekeepers behind him.  Im not sure if he knew how to talk openly about How to Transform a conversation. I'm not sure if he had grandmothers that weren't predators. But I knew this morning, that he was just really really tired of once again facing a day where he once again had to try and convince others to give up the between spaces.  I think he just let go.

I wanted to let go this am after that dream. I didn't want to be in the family house without the Spirit Dogs or the Being.  I didn't want my Relatives to be jealous and petty. I didn't want to be alone today.  So I went outside, I accepted that the Spirits were trying to prepare me for the day, that the fire before and behind me was Still burning, that I was in the right place at the right time, that I had more than most anyone, and that the goal was to sit until I could figure out how to transform the next bit, the next between space in a clear and gentle way. To stand and Hold the fire and find the words that come from love  from that incredible place that was present for a second when that Dog touched my hand.  That place  and from that place give away all that I have and can.  I just took really good care until the vibrations of that really strong message finally opened the door to the next chapter of transition. then it was ok.  the Dogs knew me, I knew them we were not separated I just had more work to do and that was what the day had been born for.  Like I said I have more than most i think  certainly less than many and in the Center of the East and West Gate I have everything.   Tonight I dedicate this blog and this prayer and this Dream to the Children of Lame Deer and the Cheyenne Nation.  May you sleep well in the blanket of the Star Nation surrounded in your heart with the fire of Love from all of Us and your Ancestors and Our Ancestors.  May that Fire with the Cedar cleanse and protect you in your night clear through the day.  With all our Love

that's what I know today Relatives.
Sweet dreams
mb