The Heart Was Made For Other Things: A Reflection on the practice of Heart Coherence

good Morning Relatives

 I want to offer a different perspective to the heart coherence idea.  There was no time at the gathering to discuss this idea fully either in private or public. Given that it was so beautifully outlined and emphasized in the fall issue of the Grandmothers Circle News, I thought that it would be timely to offer the mirror perspective to that practice.  I believe this might be valuable as well as informative to our sisters. I appreciate the balance and willingness of the Grandmothers Circle News in cultivating diverse community and perspective and I have mailed a copy of this blog in the form of an email to them and requested that it be published in the Winter issue.

Energetics are one of the ways that we as human beings communicate and listen, to our selves, and to each other. Energetics are a way of transferring intent to our environment and to each other. By Learning to feel, or gauge Energetics, we are able to determine the positivity, or negativity, of the intent of those with whom we interact on a daily basis as well as during times of ceremony.

I hate to be the one to say it, well actually I don’t hate to be the one, I am willing to be the one to say that not all who come to any gathering are of the same positive intent that I/we may be showing up with.  I don’t thing there is need to walk around like "I’m under attack," all the time, but suffice it to say that at every ceremony or gathering I have been at, there have been those who come to feed off of those who are there or may even have had a more destructive intention than just filling themselves up on someone else’s energetic giveaway.  It is a given that when a light shines things are attracted to that light.  There are predators in our world and for me pretending they are not there is just silly and a waste of time.

I have long been of the opinion that rather than pretend that this does not exist it is the responsibility of the leadership (i.e. those with more experience or training, or who are "in charge") to protect and guide those who attend, as they may be less aware of these entities and less than prepared to deflect, avoid, or negate them.

Even in a positive exchange, the movement or transfer of energetics can leave or create a feeling of euphoria, exhaustion, or fear depending on the circumstance.  These feelings, if created in a group or mass effect of human beings can be quite powerful.  They can also be quite misleading if not downright dangerous. One only has to bring to mind the people who died in Sedona a few years back to find a real-life example of the danger that is possible.  In Sedona there were charismatic leaders with a willingness to mislead others for energetic gain combined with individuals who as a group were willing to be misled for the chance to experience a spiritual phenomena.

The transfer of energetics whether willingly, naively, innocently or without awareness is something that can be mistaken as a sacred act. It is not that hard to manipulate a group of willing participants who have come to an event; to get away from their daily lives, or who have come seeking spiritual elevation, or who have come to find something that they still think is outside of themselves.  Elevating the energetics of willing participants can be done with group chant, song, recitation, meditation or voice over direction.

Even if it is a “Fake it till you make it” situation, that doesn’t mean that energetics are not being given and received.  On the contrary, if we elevate our openness and willingness and give away our energy,  even if we don't know what we are doing, someone or something is most likely going to take it.  Unfortunately for those of us who are faking it till we make it, the leaders of ceremonies like this will continue to drain us without ever teaching us to be ourselves truly until we have nothing left to give or we become succubus’s ourselves because we have an ah-ha moment where we learn we can snack on those who are all standing there pouring out their energy trying to connect by feeding the universe like it is not capable of feeding itself.  Trust me the Universe does not need you to sustain it, it is the other way around. 

Elevated energetics can be perceived and or described as coinciding with detailed phenomena which may in fact occur. People have visions, interact with Spirits, medicine comes in the dreamtime, in the practice of tai-chi or qigong after years finally, it clicks and then flows like magic.   But, I always remember what Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, “ Interesting if true, but so what.”  Meaning so you saw some firecrackers or your past life, what are you going to do about you in this life? How are you going to use that insight in your daily life?

One of the ways that I was taught to recognize those who I could trust to go to ceremony with was in observing whether or not the phenomena was the end point to them, or, whether or not the work that was being done was to actually educate, heal, or strengthen the participant.  Sadly to say the education part, the application of practical magic, or tai-chi, or simple prayer, so to speak, to our daily lives was and continues to be sorely lacking at many of these events.  

The phenomena is not the point of any energetic exchange. Whether that exchange be between a person and the Spirits, or a person and another person.  The point is to come face to face with the you, you have created so far, and decide if you are going to continue with her or not. If not, then the ceremonial leader should be able to follow up the event with perspective that helps YOU find YOUR PATH.  Any ceremonial leader should be available for you to ask questions of the day after or perhaps after you have gone home and thought about yourself.  We are accessible.  It's one of the rules.  However we / I am not available for you to follow around and worship. If you need something ask, but ask because you are working on working you out, not because you perceive them, or me, as the mouth of god dripping with honey. Yuck.  See what I mean? double yuck. 

For example: I am happy to help bring ceremony and real time connection for the grandmothers to the gathering.  I am aware that the Spirits show up, and that there is an exchange between the grandmothers individually and the Spirits and I am glad to be able to help that happen.  But, it does not make me more than or better than anyone else. I am just someone whose path lay in that work.  so, If you come back to grandmothers because you think I will be there and you can have another spiritual bang, I will probably be at the beach or in New York catching a show.  If you come back because you used the giveaway to grow and to blossom and you want to share the new beauty way that is you, well, I’ll be all ears and the first to honor you for your love of you and the medicine that was given by the Spirits and all the hard work you put it to in your life.  That is the phenomena for me. Awesomeness!

so, on to the fantasy of energy and coherence.

Any one among us who has “fallen in love” only to find out that our hormones, our passions, our libido, or simply what we ate for breakfast has given us a rush of fantasy or projection about ourselves or another person and our relationship to them as being exactly what we have been looking for all our lives; (gasp, take a breath and sigh)  only to find when we try to recreate that phenomena in our daily lives, that neither of us are who or where we thought we were or are; can understand the enormity of how wrong we can be about phenomena, energetic exchanges, and about how powerful it can be and that we are not in love at all but caught in something else. Something that can be quite dangerous.

Remember in Harry Potter the most dangerous potion in potions class was the love potion.  

 In the practice of the traditional medicine way, in which I have trained and continue to practice, it is strictly forbidden to step into the role of doing the work of the Spirits.  Each person who is in ceremony may be there in a circle, but each person has an individual interaction with the Spirits that is their business, not mine and not anyone else’s in the ceremony.  The “rim”:the pipes, the patterns, the directions, the medicine herbs, the songs or rituals of the ceremony, the people and animals who are gathered, the fire, the prayer tyes; are a dance of invitation and agreements between the intercessor and the Spirits so that there are rules and also consequences of stepping outside those rules if either the intercessor or the Spirits decide to use the willingness of the ceremonial participants to their own advantage.  This agreement on both sides is imperative for the safety of the participants.

During these times of energetic exchange between the individuals gathered and the Spirits, I may be present, I may be the intercessor,  but I am not a part of or connected to that exchange between each person and the Spirits.  I'm helping, I'm holding but I am not grasping or owning.  It’s complicated and takes years to understand and years to learn how not to be harmed let alone not harm anyone else and to let the Spirits do their work as they can.

Believe it or not Relatives, we can and do prevent them from giving all that they can. Thankfully the Spirits know exactly what my intention is and while I have been spanked soundly for being ignorant, not paying attention, or not being mindful, they know clearly that I have never ever ever wanted to use or have any personal gain from standing in that space.  

whe-ew  it is scary even thinking about that. As Grandmother Margaret says, our way is not an easy way.  

True Spiritual medicine or work does not happen because we have purposefully tried to cohere our hearts into one energetic mass effect.  Believe me the Spirits are fully capable of bringing all the needed energy to any event. We on the other hand, are already in alignment because we showed up and are standing together.  That is all it takes.  The medicine is not that complicated and it does not need for us to compromise ourselves or merge with another in order for it to work;i.e. have an effect on us or the world around us.  The Spirits are not one being, but they and we are all, One Being.  It is complicated to put into words but not to see.

It is more important that we be who we are individually, together, than to create an energetic connection that involves our hearts. That medicine of connectivity is happening all the time. It is not through our hearts that we connect to it.  Our gathering is to share our diversity, our nuance, our beauty, not to be gently trained to give our energy through repetition and practice to someone else's agenda or control.  The circle is not about being one or being the same. The circle is about individuals holding principles and agreements so that they through a predefined practice are able to be fully themselves as individuals.  That is the circle.

It is our singularity shining forth, yet held in closeness by standing with each other, that makes the great light of our gathering illuminating.  Linking our hearts, trying to put us all on the same wavelength, in fact for me makes coming together a vulnerable and dangerous activity.  Years ago when i was exposed to this group heart cohering, it felt wrong to me. I felt like I was being herded or trained to be something that was headed for a cliff.  There is a way to connect without this herding business. I will explain more about this in a moment.  Bear with me this is an important concept and is complex.

Spiritual medicine happens because the Spirits choose to show up. They are in charge. Not someone with a vision leading us through an energetic exercise that is designed to wow or shock and awe.  Every ceremony that I have led came from the culmination in the immediate moment of understanding, requests, lessons taught and visions discussed with elders after the ceremony was requested.  It comes from those who requested it and are gathered to receive it and deliver it. It is built as the medicine gathers itself specifically for that time place and all the participants.  For me there is very little "ritual" or pattern but there is always principle and listening and following with careful strict boundaries what the Spirits involved request.  Afterwards it is fully discussable and I am very willing to do so with any who were at the ceremony.  Confidentiality is one of the parts of ceremony.  Remember that the medicine of one event is connected to all the events of that gathering.  Ceremony works because those who are present are willing, not to be what we are not, but because we show up as who we are. The energy that is brought to a ceremony is brought by the Spirits and bound by the agreements made by the process  it is not generated by those who gather there.

Hooking up a bunch of old lady batteries to a spiritual display and creating an ah-ha moment that dazzles and distracts and fails to educate or teach something for daily life is not what the energy of your or my heart is made for.  We become what we practice and what may start out as a feel good ritual that is apparently innocent may be training us to participate in something that is much more serious and not necessarily in our best interest. the best example of that was the koolaid drinkers in Jonestown. Those spiritual seekers did not all of the sudden one day do the things they did.  They were led there by those who trained them in their innocence long before they moved to Guyana.  I'm not saying that the grandmothers are planning on serving koolaid but the point is that messing with the heart and what you or I or we connect to it can harm us and it begins with something that is small and not questioned.  it is lemmings headed for a cliff, or not?  my point in all of this is unless those who are asking you to do something are also giving you the chance the strength the opportunity and supporting your right to question and understand what they are asking you to do, then why are you doing it?  HMMMMMMM?

Frankly I wouldn’t want anyone to stand in circle with me and be expected to entertain or hold or bear what I might be ready to and I definitely don’t want to go through your stuff either. No offense but its just not a good idea. Why does all this matter to say?  Because, words matter, intention matters, because they are medicine and we don’t swallow medicine that we do not know fully or as close to fully what it will do to us and or what it will take from us. Words  matter.  It also matters because playing with fire will get you or me or some of us who are the most innocent burned.  We don't play with fire. 

  Not everyone, in fact very few of us have the same vibration or energetics at any given time.  One of the beauty ways of the circle practice is that even when we think we are all in agreement and have the same intention, we see that we are very diverse in our perspective and application of that intention.

The energies of our intention are align-able its true.  It can be done.   The mechanical, mental, or emotional alignment of group energies is one way that some people use to achieve what is felt or illuminated as a higher plane, a higher consciousness, or an esoteric happening.

Some people use the energies of others to create phenomena to try and gain something for themselves, or to create a group experience that is powerful.  But the creation of a group experience is not necessarily the same thing as a safe environment or helpful experience for those who are in attendance.

Giving your energy so that someone else becomes something from it is not your responsibility and will not bring positivity into your life even if it makes you feel different or whoo hooey for a little while. We are not responsible for each others spiritual successes, but we can be a participant in misleading them or ourselves if we proceed in ignorance or with negative intention.

 It has been my experience that those who manipulate the energies of others for their own purpose (even if they think it is for world peace) either do not really know what they are doing, or they are only interested in how it makes them feel afterwards and don't really care what it might do to you in the process. As long as there have been exchanges between our temporal bodies and our celestial selves there have been those who think differently about how and when and why that exchange is valuable or useful.

Trust me I have gone up to the "spiritual leader" the morning after one of these group ceremonial coherence grandmother events and asked her point blank about what she was doing. I asked her if she could see the dimensionality of the patterns and what they were really for.  I asked if she actually saw it or understood it, and how she intended to teach the grandmothers that were exposed to it how it might affect them later.  I asked her what life teaching came from what she used them to create or reveal.

The reply I got was that it was not her problem how it affected the participants. She didn't understand what it meant and she said it was not her responsibility to understand. She stated that she felt no responsibility to educate them or teach them, she didn't care if she didn't understand the depth and use of the pattern she only cared that she was successful in using the grandmothers to open it; and wait for it.... (this is the big holy crap eye awakener for me)  she was now (thanx to all the energy she just helped herself to and manipulated that was freely and I believe ignorantly given by the grandmothers who participated) some sort of spiritual creation chief of rainbow energies and she had better things to do than think about the daily lives of grandmothers or how what she wanted to do would affect them.

yeah  I kid you not that is what she told me    not a great followup to ceremony huh grandmothers ?

I guarantee you that none of the Spirits of Creation or otherwise are uninterested in our individual health, well being, and understanding.  At least not the ones I hang out with.  Whew, After that gathering I felt like I had been witness to a great spiritual tragedy.  the next year when it came time to send in an application I sent mine with a list of questions for the leaders with concerns about ceremonial impact and followup. It was the third year that I had asked them if they would consider putting together a spiritual council of women from different faiths and tribes who were spiritual leaders to be part of the planning and care for the grandmothers.  It seemed to me, after attending for three years that they were determined to make ceremony and spiritual encounter and energy exchange a big part of their agenda and I thought it would be a good idea to have some elders help over see that and be available to the grandmothers. Kind of a balance and oversight committee.  I received no reply to my questions or suggestions.  I waited and then sent another questioning email to see what was going on, it voiced my concerns and the wall of fear that I encountered in the ether every time I sat down to write out my check to attend.  What I received in the mail was a letter from the planning committee of that gathering formally disinviting both myself and Grandmother Margaret from ever attending.  It was written by the leaders of that gathering, they clearly expressed that they preferred I never come back to that gathering.  Something to do with asking too many questions. 

One of the Traditional Spiritual Teachers that I have has said that any ceremonial leader should be able to sit down and quietly and thoroughly answer questions from another ceremonial leader about what they are doing.
In other words if you cannot sit in front of the most innocent and speak clearly about who you are and what you are about and have clear and repeatable answers for those who ask then are you someone who is safe?

 We are not gods even though we are God. We do not use each other to create or destroy.  We are on this physical plane, we are removed from some of what we as eternal beings are capable of when we are stars, so that we may understand compassion and thoughtfulness, mindfulness and love each of us in our own moment as one beauty way perfect as we are. That is a great power and a great thing that is made to be the great IAM as the infinitesimal nuance that is everything all together all at once in one moment as itself. There is no need to blend or link to create our work or see or feel who we are in each others presence.  In fact if we become one here and now we negate the here and now of who we are. 

we are not the same and we are not meant to be the same  or to use who we are  or use each other to make something else in this time and space that is not our job this go round  that job belongs to the creation spirits   it is quite enough to learn while we are here to be all that we individually are  and to come together and make the space for each other to be as we are separate but gathered is quite a miracle in itself

so back to the circle and the intentions that are gathered there and why we don't connect to that circle with our hearts

It is easy to see that very few of us no matter how long we know each other or how cohesive our discussions are have or carry the same intention in any given situation especially in a circle. We all come from different experiences, memories, skill levels, and have different agendas and communicate well but often not very well with those who we are meeting for the first time or even those with whom we are trying to learn a new way to connect. One of the reasons we use the circle practice is that it allows us as individuals, as ourselves fully, to interact in a personal and sometimes very powerful way through our connection to the middle; to the fire.  Our connection through the rim of agreements, principles and practices assures us that we may show up as we are without any worry that we will fit or not fit, be the same or not, be huggy and lovely, or something altogether original. The one thing that the circle practice prohibits as does the universal or cosmic laws, is that of using opportunity for self promotion, gain or manipulation of others.  Its a no-no.

We are unified in our circle practice and the energetics go in the middle, in the Dantian, the fire in the belly of the circle. For some of us this is the first time we get to experience freely not fitting in, not being the same, not bending ourselves as women or changing who we are into a cohesive unit that pleases or serves something beyond ourselves.  For some of us, the circle practice at the gathering is the first time we get to exist as ourselves and listen to our own heart speaking to us.  What makes the circle valuable is that it is diverse.  What makes us so valuable is that we are diverse.  We are the beautiful nuance of eternity captured in a moment of time and space.  You are absolutely different than me and I love that about you!

The heart is powerful.  It is also personal.  It is private and in more than one human being who is walking around the heart is often physically compromised or weak.  It is no secret or illusion that great energy can change, move, harm or heal the physical, emotional, and cognitive capacity of a physical being.

This is why in the study ofTai-chi, qigong, and in ceremony it is a core teaching and responsibility of the master to teach the student that the energy of the practice, the medicine, flows not from the heart but from the belly, the Dantian of the fire. The heart has other tasks and medicines to attend to.  Energetics that flow between us especially during elevated times of interaction should not originate from, reside in or move into the heart.  To do so is to risk killing or severely damaging the heart of the person you are sending that energy to, or to yourself as the conduit of that energy. There is more than one account of Masters who damaged their hearts, had heart attacks and died or nearly died, because when they were first beginning to learn their practice, they did not learn to move from the Dantian rather than the heart.

basically its like plugging your christmas lights into the wrong socket.  It may work for a bit when you are learning and trying on your practice, but when what is really inside of you and what is really outside of you (which is still you) connects in your heart, rather than the Dantian which is designed for that connection; it fries the heart.  just like too many plugs at christmas

Please do not ask me to align my heart with yours energetically. Please, recognize rather, from my individuality and my active attentiveness that I am present and I want you also to be present.  I do not want to be you or for you to be me, I want us to BE together we already are, One, and it is here as singularities that I get to see myself in you as the beauty that in this time and space I cannot be or see when we are not here.  My heart is mine, yours belongs to you.  Our Dantian however is something else altogether. 

and if you are still with me after all the preamble  which is important  then now we will get down to the Dantian (not the heart, ha caught ya!) of the matter.

In tai-chi, and in qigong, in ceremony, the flow and exchange of energy is one of the core principles of the movement and power or strength of the practice.  In tai-chi, ceremony, and qigong, energy may pass through our entire being including our heart, but we do not hold it there or move from the heart in our practice.  We do not use our heart as the focus or receptacle of energy flow, chi, around or through or from us.  To do so is dangerous.

To teach people to connect through their heart for energy exchange is, for someone of my training and background, a thought that is abhorrent in the highest degree.   I understand that not all have my background or training, or experience.  I remember that we are all diverse and that we all have differing paths and nuances to share.  I respect those who want to pursue this way of heart coherence that is being taught and shared as the beauty way.  However, I feel it is my responsibility to speak up for a different way.  

We use the Dantian for energy exchange precisely because it is not emotional or controlled by our thoughts. We use it so that we do not overwhelm another with our own thoughts or emotions or allow another to overwhelm us. Moving from the Dantian, connecting to the energetics that flow between us through the Dantian is connecting through the higher states of awareness rather than the physical and emotional and mental mechanism of the heart.  Believe it or not the heart is real. It is a muscle that can be damaged, overwhelmed, and sometimes destroyed actually very easily by energy.  The Dantian however, is a place that exists inside us without existing in one of our physical organs. It therefore capable of being used as an energy exhange center, without risk of a heart attack and is quite useful as a defense against a body or energy attack.  The Dantian is capable of being everything all together all at once (Takucnascnan) without harming us physically or depending on someone else to manage or control it.  it is not controllable by another in us which is quite cool and yet it is very capable of connecting to all that is.   Awesomeness!!!  and it is built in , yep  its free you already have one just like I do and its been waiting for you to find it all these years   cooooooool 

I understand the desire to feel the heart bond or elevation of energy especially when our hearts are tired or our Dantian is cut off from the energetics of our universe and spiritual self because we have a block in ourselves that keeps us from its balance. If you are unable to connect to your Dantian I suggest working on it rather than using or practicing connection by using the heart.  The heart is wonderful and amazing, but it is not the place to connect, it is the place that tends to us as individuals.

Many of us have forgotten that we have a private garden in our heart and we also have a universal spiritual hub so to speak  in our Dantian.  They are two different places in our bodies.  My heart is the place in me that gets to remain gentle and soft, protected by skill, experience, and the sacred space that is my one and true place in this physical world that is part of the great circle of life.  My heart is my place.  It belongs to me and it is where I sit in council with myself.

My Dantian is my place of exchange.  Because the Dantian is intimately and inexplicably connected always to Takucnascnan (everything alltogether all at once) the eternal and the temporal and all that is and all that was and all that will be  ALL of IT, it has much more skill and ability than my brain, or my heart muscle, or my slow to remember untrained ignorant self thus far.  So I trust it to take care of me and I am learning to move from it and to receive through it and to let it take care of me and to not override it (my gut) with my head or my emotion or someone else’s story or agenda.  It has enough coherence for me with all of you for lifetimes of connection. 

when we gather, I trust that my presence is a coherence.  I trust that my practice is a coherence.  I keep my heart for me. my Dantian is constantly in motion in balance with the Dantian that you also bring.  So think about your heart and think about your beautifulness and take good care of it.  We are quite amazing spiritual warrioresses ladies.  We just need to make sure that we know what we are doing and choosing.  Educate yourselves, ask questions, follow but don't be led.  Walk with me not behind me.  we are in circle are we not?

So with all respect to the other side of the mirror and its practices and practitioners, Rather than using my heart to give, receive, or send energy and coherence to any other, I choose to use my Dantian, my core of chi, my gut.  It is the place where my sense of restraint and deflection and thoughtfulness and understanding is not controlled by my head or by my emotion or colored by my fantasy or past. It is the place that is impervious to harm, which is quite nice frankly.  It is the place where I know that no harm will come to you from me or to me from you.

and so with this letter/blog I stand in my place in the circle and add a voice of perspective and perhaps balance to our gathering 

thanx for letting me be present and I hope you enjoy the present of this

love ya, mean it 

Hehaka Win Wicakpi Zi 

Frozen Thawed Water River standing walking not looking back

Good Morning Relatives

its warm enough today that the ground looks like a brown and green and white pinto pony   the embrace of winter is easing into the earth and the sky

how long has it been since we learned not to hold onto that which makes us sick   that which when grasped tight to our chest holds us in its grip and poisons our thoughts and our perspective

it has been an interesting and long but frankly now forgotten journey for me to find the way of no way

no way meaning  there is no way I am going to bed with that idea  there is no way that I am going to be the refuse dump for what so severely disappointed you and I promise not to treat you like my own personal round bin either

this year is the first year that I am solidly confident that it can be done    we can outgrow  kill off   walk away from   replace that nasty behavior in ourselves and in doing so give an example of this type of peacefulness for each other  

and perhaps if I can do it  you can do it and if you can do it then that makes two and two makes for and then on to five gold rings
do you see how we can make the world less which is after all more

I truly truly am repeatably daily here and not here at the same time  way cool
way doable and I didn't think it could be done and I didn't know what it was like but now that I AM I can so tell that it is so right on!

Sweeeeeeet

this is good  this is worth it and it is doable

the idea is taught in kung fu panda 2   actually the idea of inner peace and non inner peace and where the two paths lead is so illustrated by that movie   awesomeness for sure

so  its our choice what we want to hold on to   its our choice whether or not we want to be hard like a stone or strong like a rock    its our choice if we let the events of our past or even of someone else's past color our present  and captivate our future

sometimes after ceremony people pull me aside and ask me to wade through their pain or their negativity or their fear or their own struggle with their own struggly bits

I remember being someone who thought she had to wrestle with herself all over someone else's ear pans  in order to have my pain be real  to vent my frustration to be angry without having the nerve or the articulateness to be angry with those who actually caused it  what ever

and I do mean what ever

I needed to blast around  why because it is what we do  because the struggly bits that I was holding on to were so valid to me  so life changing so dramatic   so what ever

whatever meaning whatever it was the thing that I wasn't realizing was that it was me clinging to  grasping at and struggling with those bits that was damaging and captivating me  preventing me from having anything but that crap  that whatever when it was long gone down the river and me with it

let it go

if you need care and emergency help    get it
if you need to take a moment to compose a reply that is yours and not pushed by someoneelse's pointed stick  take that moment and then stand and deliver
if you need to run away  get on it girl
if you need to simply turn aside and brush off what was trying to cling and refocus on what you were doing  no problem

but the wounds of the past heal    scars fade   life moves on  do you with it?

so sometimes after ceremony or teaching a workshop people want me to fix or solve or listen to their struggly bits  and the truth is   I care about them  and I can see that they are struggling but it is not my struggle and I am not a counselor and my time and life is more precious to me than their stuff  and I don't want to have to filter or clean off of me what ails them   and that is the reality of it  

what is also the reality of it is that I can see that they are worth more than their precious struggly bits and in that moment  they cannot

so let it go     let it go     let it go and don't look back

and in its place have right now      eat a caramel apple pop    brush your hair   go for a swim    look in the mirror and find five things you really love about yourself    roll around on the grass   begin the ceremony of dinner or lunch or tea      exhale   do quigong     hold hands without talking with yourself

be something other than destructive   be something that has the moment  rather than assigning it to the past

so yesterday I received a card in the mail that was full of negativity  interspersed with nicety complements and derision  bitterness   pain and way embedded in that card was the tiny seed of what perhaps might if a crowbar long and large enough could be positioned might turn out to be a person who was seeking themselves by looking in my mirror  perhaps  but only if I screwed up my eyes and looked out my left ear did I see it  mostly what I saw was the old way that I used to catch myself up in what it meant to be spiritual or a leader or a friend or whatever   an old idea of me is what I saw  and it is not and was not for me to be the answer to that writer or even to determine what they were or are seeking   I saw pain and the ability to write it down and send it on so I sent it on into the fire  

I could feel the old me wanting to not do that   the old me seeking somehow some way to be there  and what is funny relatives  is that I finally saw that the best way for me to be there was to let that water drop of pain on paper move across me without breaking or drenching me or becoming me or me making it into something I NEEDED to do or have or be  and I let it fall  in its entirety into the fire

nice

so don't try and be there  other than being there   its enough  then walk away and trust them to get on with their life the way they want to    

its been an entire lifetime of looking for me deciding what that meant and didn't mean  trying on things and discovering what is true and not true in this place and time about me and once again at the end of this day  I am closer and I am free er  and I AM  with you and without you at the same time  pretty cool

thanx to the water and the fire and the panda and to you relatives for helping me find me    it is the work and journey along the day that in the year brings what we have gathered individually to the table to be shared among friends  
this is my work shop  
mb

inner peace and the acid spitters a light in the dark of practice

Good Morning Relatives

so I was thinking about the grandmothers gathering and also about Kung Fu Panda 2

I was writing out some things  some observations   and in trying to condense down into succinctness that which is complex or full of nuance  it took me awhile to find the best question  because its all a question isn't it?  and asking the most succinct question leads us to the most accurate, relevant applicable, i.e. deepest answer or at least that is what I have found to be true

so, here is the question:  what is it that the Dragon Warrior is fighting for?

we know that he uses kung fu to save kung fu from that which destroys kung fu
this relatives, is the same as using circle practice to save circle practice from that which destroys circle practice  what the Dragon Warrior and We bring to this practice is the willingness to dig deeper into the application of the agreements and principles and to learn what that looks like in an ever evolving world of non practice  oh and lack of resistance to change both negative (outside the practice) and positive ( inside the practice)  that is really something!

we know that he finds who he is today by letting go of the wounds of the past  he is not what he was or what happened to him  he is who he chooses to be now

we know he finds inner peace because we see him learn and practice the skill of holding himself as himself even as he reaches out and has an intentional encounter with a water droplet.

inner peace is what he is while he holds his place, his own identity separate from the water drop as he moves with it through time and space; letting it fall, letting it do its thing, and experiencing it, experiencing himself being himself while it moves across his awareness, through his space and time  he moves with it WITHOUT absorbing it or modifying it or slowing it down or modifying himself as himself as he encounters it   that is inner peace   there is no impetus to exist in an others space and time in order to know or feel or experience that we exist   both the water drop and the panda have inner peace in that time and space

during the gathering I was gently and thoughtfully lead through the exercise of gathering the "water" of someone else's "stuff" that had been splashed on me; words and emotions that were like acid and were intended to "drench" me and others in their intention, words and emotions that if held in the agreements of circle practice would simply go into the fire where they would find peace but, these words and emotions had been splashed about persistently and liberally outside of the circle and some of it had gotten on me.  it is hard to hold the agreements of circle practice when others are not doing so,  it is hard to learn the nuance of what that means,  it is hard to see that everything is kung fu and what that means  until  that it we see it,  we get it  until we let go and hold on all at the same time,

I was not quite there yet  I knew that I needed to hold on to circle practice  I knew that inner peace about this was at hand and I just could not yet get it   ....  and I was fighting, struggling with not chewing on their fist, not letting their stuff absorb into me.   so I sat with a friend and did not spew it on her I just outlined my own struggle to the center  between us  and she sat with me and reminded me gently to move that stuff off of me and to let it go back to the earth who would know best how to take good care of their stuff,  there was no need for me to own, grab, change, judge, eat, chew on, pass on repeat or invest in what was theirs

I encountered them on their journey  and I am and was on mine  we travelled together in the same time and space but we were not the same and there was no need to be them or become them or have them become me for either of us to exist peacefully

sometimes people throw acid or spit acidic words and intentions on others or into their ears  not sure what the motivation is  Im sure it is personal  it would be like trying to assign a motivation or cause to each raindrop that fell from the sky  all I know is that it wasn't mine and I am and was under no obligation to take it in or on  but because there was a deliberateness in the delivery and I was in the position of needing to move through the same time and space as this drop it was imperative that I not run away or get splashed and burned it was imperative that I maintain me peacefully and yet move that "stuff" through my encounter with it without becoming part of it or it part of me    it was tough  it is a tough concept until it is not   LOL so much of our learning is like that isn't it?  cell phones were a mystery until they were not  so was tying shoes and walking we just don't remember

so I was struggling but close  so I picked a good and steady friend to help me and she agreed so we sat

  my friend sat with me and led me through the exercise of the water droplet and she spoke to me of beauty of laughter of gentleness and of song  just regular things of our lives and friendship and as she spoke to me I let her words sweep up all that acid and gently put it back into a little ball that rolled off of me onto the earth

I didn't hold onto the acid until she was done
I didn't try to use her or me or our our-ness to dilute or explain it away
I didn't do anything but visualize that spoken acid being swept up and collected back to itself with peace and care and let it go

you see I know the earth is much much better with perspective than I am, she has more experience with acid spitters, violence and anger than even I do, she has more resources and much more ability and wisdom to care for what they were seeking or doing in a way that will take good care of them and her and I as well.  I really mean that relatives  it is not just an idea or something I repeat  it is a truism in me and in sweeping up all that "stuff" and letting it roll off me with attentiveness and care  it was a relief and I am grateful to my friend and the people at dreamwork and the panda and master shifu and oogway and the water for this teaching  in practice   I am also grateful to the acid spitters for the perfect timing of their gift that illuminated for me finally an immediate and beautiful opportunity to learn and actually experience this exercise in inner peace  thank you

so acid spitters, confidentiality and circle practice breakers are one thing, but how does our Dragon Warrior hold onto inner peace when cannon balls are screaming towards him?  how do we hold onto our circle practice and our kung fu, our inner peace; when someone wants to load us up with gossip and that someone is us?  how do we maintain inner peace when that little urge to inflate our self worth rises up in the form of being someones champion presents itself to us?  we save kung fu by using kung fu,  we maintain circle practice by maintaining circle practice.

well    lets go back to the beginners mind     lets go back to zero      lets go back to the principles and agreements  and see if what we are fixin to do is in accordance with that or those or not?

the greatest strength that the Panda has is that he always goes back to zero  always   always  always

we know that Po protects what is precious  even that precious moment in the end when Lord Shen had the choice the moment when he could abandon his current path.   the Panda does not choose for Shen  he protects Shen's right to choose his own destiny no matter what he has chosen up to that moment  he does not jump in and prevent Shen from destroying himself nor does he punish him for what he has done up to that moment  he knows that just like himself  Shen gets to decide who he is and ride that pony once he has saddled it

so one thing that scene teaches me is that sometimes the acid spitters burn down their own house around themselves  it happens if you keep pouring sugar on a fire you started

thats the other nice thing about the Panda  he knows that each of us can learn  can and do choose and each of us gets to decide who we are and what pony we want to ride (by the way if the pony thing throws you it is just an old Texan thing we grew up saying; you saddled that pony  I'm not going to ride it for you you can always turn it back out to pasture but if you insist on riding it its your pony)

remember even if your story did not have such a good beginning ( i.e. everything up to that moment )  it can still have a beautiful ending; it all depends on what you or I or we do with the gift of the present

inner peace comes from not letting our past or our projections about the future control our gift known as the present  but it also comes from not letting anyone else's reality become our own   it is possible to encounter someone whose reality is completely different than ours  ( and what could be more different than a water drop that is on its way to falling to the ground and a big fat panda hand and arm finding it and moving with it through the air ) inner peace is holding ourself fluidly and thoughtfully and not putting our reality our shape our wherewithal on any other being even when we are as close as that water drop is to itself and Po,  (Po doesn't change the water drop and the drop does not change him) while we also do not let them change us ( the water drop stays intact as itself even as it makes its way across him to the ground)

but it takes skill  it takes practice  it takes learning to dig a little deeper to produce the fruit of the present   to hold onto our own beauty way when perhaps we encounter on our path those who do not choose to respect or hold sacred and protect the same thing that the panda holds and protects for us

do we worry about them?  so we try and change them?  do we ride their pony?  do we let go of our own discipline and agreements so that they are not alone?  how much ego and illusion do we let ourselves be caught in  it only takes one small waver in our centeredness to be caught in their story and drenched  holding inner peace isn't a rigid thing it is simply holding that center holding that peace holding that identity that we have decided on  

thats right we get to decide over and over who we are  and when someone comes along and asks us to change that commitment why do we give them and their desire precedence over our own inner peace?  its a good question  its something that only each one of us can answer for ourselves.  its private only we can look in our own mirror and answer for ourselves what it is about us that makes us step from our story into theirs?

 so what is that thing and what kind of skills do we need to be the Dragon Warriors of our Own Lives?  most of all it takes deciding who we are in the mo  

who are you?   what does that mean and what will mean when the gorillas, the wolves, the Lord Shen's or the gardener ask us to step off our path and on to theirs?  some of us are caught by sugar, some by acid, some by trauma, some by praise, some by work, some by effort some by stillness each of us knows what story it is that we get caught in and each of us needs to be given the gift of knowing that we do not have to play, finish, continue or stay caught   we simply roll it all back up and let it go  find ourselves in the now and be that only

is it worth it?  the panda thinks so,  and so do I

inner peace does not exist until it is not dependent on outer peace to exist  and inner peace also is fully able to exist with an others inner peace or perhaps their loud and blatant disharmony without in any way being the same as that which it encounters  cool huh?


so what is Po fighting for?   good question    I think he is simply fighting for level zero
for the right for each one of us to have our own inner peace

we know from circle practice that holding the principles and agreements of the circle helps us maintain our own personal integrity, our privacy, our strength, our place and chance of vulnerability that leads to inner strength.  it helps prevent us from judging others and or ourselves   it keeps us intact, clean, free to enjoy and create rather than destroy ourselves  we know from practicing the circle practice that not everyone wants to hold these things  or to abide by them  we know that learning brings up things that need to be released but we don't let go of the practice  and as long as we do not let go of it it will not fail us

so what is the panda fighting for   ?  that space  that space that is around and between all of us where we hold our agreements for ourselves and each other   that minute difference between my surface tension and yours is maintained by inner peace and by respect and the intention to create rather than to destroy

when someone takes over your space  or breaks the agreements or confidentialities held in circle  when someone asks you to set aside or break these confidentialities or agreements then they are asking you to set aside your own beauty way. they are asking you to destroy yourself  they are enlisting you as the warrior of black and white that defeats you if you continue on your current path which may be your path after all and surely is their path if they are asking you to destroy that surface tension

what are the skills that help us recognize when we are either using the energy of our encounters with each other (fireworks/ gunpowder/the ignition of fire, air, earth and intention) for creating beauty or for destruction?    is that not the difference between Lord Shen and his parents?  is that not the difference between kung fu and violence?  is that not the difference between holding and maintaining the principles, agreements and practices of circle practice and in breaking them?

creation or destruction

we can all tell the difference can't we

if we need more information  or we need to consider before acting or responding we ask for the bell  

even between us we can ask for the bell    

stop    hold it     wait     excuse me    umm I can see this is urgent for you but I need a mo  my undies are on fire  wait I don't have any undies on   got to pee!!  hold that thought and while you are at it keep it to yourself  I may be back but I won't want that thought then either  so move on

there are a thousand and one ways to ring the bell   and it is ok to do it at any time

hold it right there    I need to make sure my foot ing is steady and where I want it to be

we don't give others control over our footing, our ears, our compassion, our interpretation, our agreements, our confidentiality, our presence or our story

if we do   then we are putting them in the position of being Lord over our Life  and that is not part of the circle practice

so what the Panda is protecting is that space  that agreement that we have between and with each other and ourselves

there is a way to apply circle practice and agreements to your daily lives   I know that for most of us at least i can speak for myself here  that church was something we attended  not a place we lived   school was where we were taught, learned and were tested in our application of that learning,  sports or kung fu class was for practicing team playing and kung fu discipline   when I was a child, it seemed in the world I grew up in that  none of these places seemed to over lap  

my parents and others who were older than i; those who for me were the examplers of life and how to live it   they seemed to have these on and off switches they used   and when they left kung fu class discipline was left behind with it    when they left church honorable behavior stayed behind   when not at school teaching and growing seemed to be on a back burner  it was confusing to me  like letting go of what held us in good stead in these between places where we would all get lost and bad things would happen like gossip, and fear, and theft, and violence, and hatred, and all manner of negativity  it was icky  and it took me a long time to get rid of the idea of between places of its existence in my own life and then to not run away from others who were also taught to live like that and it also took a long time to learn to live in a constant care without weakness or judgement or like a stone or a hard place that felt nothing  hard style is not my style  and now I am learning even more how to be here and have that inner peace its quite cool

so one thing  one thing is to not let go of the principles and practice and agreements of circle practice it will make a difference and we can be quite creative and funny in its application even as we are being steady  no between places

the same sometimes happens when we go to grandmothers or attend ceremony or sit in circle practice   because we are as equally trained to abandon what goes on when we are attentive and attend once we walk out of circle or go home from grandmothers as we are to be attentive and attend when we sit down in circle together  

we don't have to leave circle practice behind in the circle  

so i am suggesting that we do not  do so    that we merge and over lapp and combine our principles, our practices, our agreements, our disciplines, our joy, our respect our confidentialities and bring them out into our lives as if we are always in circle  as if we are always kungfu  and as if we are always holding in sacred joy the respect that I belong to me and my now  you belong to yours and even if your past or mine did not have such a great beginning  it is NOW that matters most
and what I would like most to do with the present of my present  with my gift is to create  rather than destroy

best to you
mb

thanx in black and white

Good Evening Relatives

its our first real snow storm of the season today     it peaceful      Ive just returned from the grandmothers gathering in Az

it was an amazing giveaway of so much understanding  so much beauty of the work that all the women put into the gathering  the planning and circle practice practitioners   came into blossom and fruition right in front of our eyes

I am especially pleased and grateful for the gifts of understanding that I was given from the various women who came to the gathering and gave their gifts to all who freely wanted to partake of them

thank you for your giveaway  I am still considering and enjoying the unpacking of those gifts as I enjoy the silence and peace of the winter snow here in Pipestone

it was an extraordinary year this year  it was a very balanced year from my perspective and I find that encouraging

I want to use todays post to say thank you to all who showed up and who shared in the gifts this year  and I include in that thank you the Spirit Beings  the land the Beings who participated as watchers and onlookers  to the staff and those who at home made it possible for those who travelled and gathered to give and receive  thank you  thank you to those who brought the believing mirror those who brought the shadow and negative reflection so that we, you, I  all could be assured that each of us were truly who we chose to be and had the conviction and heart to stand in our own presence in each others presence  and be present   thank you for that gift of making sure that I and others and yourself were steadfast in the commitment to be who we came to be and who we dedicate ourselves to be truly and without apology I understand and have known for many years that what to some is a darkness to others is a light  and when a light shines in darkness it is simply that which illuminates what is unseen and often that light is a negativity that by its very willingness to show up so brightly helps me to discover the hidden way of positivity that I seek and yet cannot often find it is the same as finding life by being surrounded by death  all that is not is what is
 we are neither light or  dark beings but the reflection of what is and the embodiment of what we choose and choose again and again to hold as precious in our own hearts and minds

it is without apology or judgment that I accept that it takes an entirety of experience to satisfy the need for a human being to finally become immovable in its centeredness to trust the path that unfolds as we continue to create our own way by choosing to deepen the principles and practices that we value

not all honor or value the same principles and practices and I accept and honor without judgement those who choose differently than me  may we all go in peace and kindness into the future that we have and do create on a daily basis some to that which destroys and some to that which creates  each in a world that lives and breathes as surely as the one each of us discards

thank you for your very precious gift for it is only in the presence of darkness that the value of the light is realized  and it is only in the light that the desire for the comfort of the dark may be responded to with clarity

thank you
thank me
thank all

best this night and those that follow as we make our way into the birth of a new world peace to the old one as it is laid to rest

mb