comfort and joy

Good Morning Relatives

It was full moon yesterday  perhaps saturday and today as well    it also was the one year anniversary of when i fell over the stairs and crushed my wrist and dislocated fractured and ripped my opposite shoulder  

happy to report that there were no accidents this Nov 17th or on saturday   and for the full moon I lit a fire and made prayers to thank the Spirit of the Moon for patiently and consistently reflecting the sun back to us even when we try to get in the way

it is perhaps the most forgotten thing in my life that the temporal sneaks in front of the eternal and blocks out the light

one of the main things that I learned over the past year was lean financial management   I also learned to ask for and to receive without fear or guilt help from the many generous hands that shared their own abundance with me so that I could make it through the physical transition necessary to begin again to hold my own reins  

thank you  thank you for your gifts your advice your prayer your laughter and your funny unkindnesses when they also happened   for in every bit of black there is white and vis versa   thank you for responding   I am also thankful to myself for responding

the house is much warmer this year   the insulation was finished  and it makes a difference    so much so that it is unlikely after all that any additional heat will be installed upstairs    heat rises as we know  and this house is shaped as one of the pipe makers lovingly says like a big milk carton   so the heat from the main floor continuously pours through to the upstairs

I had an interesting dream last night  I dreamed that one of my old friends from veterinary school and I were once again in the position of mourning the death of her dear dog Jim   it was so painful to relive that loss   we grasped each other so tightly in an embrace of pain shared between hearts that did not want to let go of this beautiful fragile elegant dogs life once again   in the dream I told her I do not know if I can go through this again and my soul felt like it would fall away and not return

it is always interesting to me to be an observer of myself in a dream  and always when I am in one I am also observing  it is the perfect yogic event the observer witnessing consciousness and the animatory activities that our being-ness is capable of in spirit and in the interdimentionalness of the nuances of existence    

I am not sure what existence is really  take for example the moon  and the light of the moon   is the light of the moon the sun? or the reflection that is bent from a rock and thrown through space or is it the optic neuron that perceives the cast reflected and bent light or is it the mind that conceptualizes and gives meaning to the above or is it the moon herself  an entity that allows us to feel her to be pulled by her i s it her reaching into and around us which is the light ? is it the ah ha moment  is that the light of the moon?

so what is dreaming but being with my being as it is being anywhere and any when and any how that it can will or has been     it is to me most excellent that I am able to remember after returning to this time and space with all of its dead and dampened and restrictive cloaked and narrow parameters any of what occurs beyond it borders   I am grateful for this as there have been many times that the only thing that kept me from leaving this place was that in the dreamtime I was able to leave it  and so when I was here in the midst of whatever enduring painful confusing thing I was comforted by the knowledge that when i closed my eyes to sleep I would either rest which is so important to being a part of this world or I would leave and in leaving I would find that I would not be lost but found and that was a comfort as well

and so when I was losing my soul in the pain of loss held in embrace by the mirrored pain of my friend in the dreamtime what struck me as an observer was that the pain was able to be felt and exist in its true form which is also necessary in order that it be cleansed but that it was in the embrace of two simultaneously creating comfort   it  the pain  was because of it s existence which must be felt and is when shared in the embrace of arms that are not of its origin the creator of a deep and true comfort

then the dream switched

I was part of a crew who were planting inside a building  inside a home with tall room and walls of windows that looked out over the green and let the light in    so beautiful  so amazing and we were cleaning up and replanting   which is different than replacing     and I was told to put so and so trees here and there and the leader who was what movie directors like to show as a tall strapping fortyish guy who was good natured and easy going  just the kind of girl I would like to go out with  he was directing our little crew and where he wanted  the planting just so was not going to work  there was an instability in the ground  in the fabric it self  and if we planted there then the entire floor would fall away  so I showed it to him  how the layer of our existence was only about three feet deep and too much digging and manipulating would make it drop away  altogether

so he moved me and my plants over closer to the window in front of a row of tufts of grass that were blooming and I began to arrange and divide and set out the little plants and then i laughed at him and he pushed me and I tickled him and he laughed and tickled me and before I knew it we were rolling on the ground tickling and laughing until we were exhausted and giddy and tearful   with joy

the tickling and laughing and tears made joy  

and as I was watching this I noticed all the plants began to bloom and the mosses divide and green up   and I realized that what I saw there in that place  what I wanted to bring home and say thank you to the moon  the light the  pain of death the embrace of friends and the work of human togetherness and the tickling   what I was able to bring home through time and space was not the shadow of the temporal on the moon  but what she is able to do with that shadow

create comfort  and joy  

somehow I will do this thing     this creation of comfort and joy    using the parameters of circle practice  there is no resin that we cannot do this thing

thank you relatives for an amazing year     go and find someone to hold you and you hold them and cry hard    cry very hard and say what is painful out loud  while you hold each other so tight  and then rather than muck about it what ever it is   or nattering on   ring the bell on that event and stop it

let it be fully   then stop it    

then with that person tickle and laugh and giggle and roll around until you cry  from joy   and then again stop

stop and ring the bell  

hold in time and space the sacred creation of comfort and joy like a capsule that cannot be broken

and there you did it   you and your unknown companion did it  together with no remorse left over and no negative vibrations seeding the world

life bless us all
eh?
love love love
mary