greetings on this day of June I sit down to write and am exhausted but full of joy at this weeks work again the student/teacher/friend came to Pipestone to help with the house and with both of our growth as circle beings again we would like to share with you the abundance that flowed from hands and heart here at the Center of the East and West Gate I also keep hearing Adele's song in my head rumor has it rumor has it she's the one you're leaving me for rumor has it he's the one Im leaving you for. I am laughing because when i hear that I think of the old me the me that has her braids tied to the ground and I remember that it is me that I leave for me so if you hear the rumor that I am less than I was good for you it means that I am become more of me for you
one of the questions given was what does the name of this house mean?
the East and West gates so I will attempt to write part of the thought parameters that come from those words
the Center is where we are where we stand we are the eternal fire of the center we are always creating and destroying with our actions and our words
the center was here before my body was created and the everlasting part of that center that is the nuance known as me entered it like the breath that enters and exists every time that I have been made as a body spirit entity in this time and place that center was never left and it will continue beyond this clay suits longevity inside of my clay suit is the center of what I AM it is within and thus without that makes the whole me within the whole which is also you
it is what we do we create and we destroy in the everpresence that we are we are constantly creating and destroying there is no moment that has existed before this time
even if all time is held and lived no moment will be the same and it is this infiniteness in which we are present and have the choice to accept and hold )not grasp( our centeredness
we create trust and destroy fear we destroy ignorance and create freedom in the centers which are everywhere in every living being around us like sparks we all together create the center fire of the universe where without all that is around us as direction does not exist
with no directions
there is no center
with no center there is no direction
without east west north south up down northwest forward or back there is no center without the center there is no east west north south up down northwest forward of back.
it is our awareness of the orientation that creates the dynamic ever-shifting but ever present between around all living things is it not that when you hold the center or hold a direction for a different center that you manifest the fabric of all things? is it not in accepting that orientation that you find your balance your moment your presence and its relativity to all that lives and breathes? is it not better to be a cell that is aware of its life within the body than a cell that perceives it self as different than or foreign to the whole?
so because of the center there is east west north south up down across and through and through it is through those gates that here the pipestone carries the prayer the house holds the whole the abundance goes forth it is between the past of the east and the future of the west that the center is held constant and yet always never grasping the entirety of the universal weave it is the center of the east and west gate where all that was comes to be released into the present and all that will be is ever present and yet not yet moved into
because it us standing and looking praying being moving thinking and engaging it is us that creates the directions and it is us that thus put ourselves at the center
this center is not an ego center but simply an acceptance of our wholeness and our connection to the whole under my hands is the center of the keyboard to it I am skyward but my knees are earthward to its keys
sitting here at the desk to the tree out in the lawn I am northeast and horizontal to the center of its trunk earthward also to its leaves but skyward to its roots
it is to me a center and i am the direction that shifts around it to it I am a moving center that gives it the ability to change its own direction even though it appears to be rooted in one place
we give our lives a different richer and deeper meaning
we support each other in our individualness and in our circle presence
when we begin to see that we indeed have the presence in the present we have indeed the presence of ourselves in our lives we begin to feel the fabric of the universe we begin to understand and stand in and enjoy the freedom of everpresence many are taught as was i to see or create in between spaces spaces between right and wrong church and school prayer and talking this action and that it was in this disconnect that I learned or thought and created in my life the option of denial about my own effect and affect in not only my own life but in those around me it was in the disconnect of the thinking that between spaces exist that I allowed through the ignorant and at times intentional denial or back turned to myself and my actions where I would lose my way and by losing my way I mean losing my sense of joy my sense of value my sense of action reaction in my life it was here that I shifted back and forth between care and disuse of my opportunity
in that way I created in my life and in therefore in all life pain, suffering, fear, loss..... finding the way back to my way has taken time and effort one of the reasons that I write this blog and one of the reasons that I visit with the teachers/students that come here is because when we voice our connection and reweave our worlds into the everpresent of the present in each other then it strengthens it over all i hope that in writing it is given away as freely and thoughtfully as the earth and all the relatives live it constantly around us never ever laying it down
it is this constancy that when I allow it to flow through me that give me the peace of the joy and the connection that I was born with but did not find around me when I became flesh it is that shift into this everpresence that I want to hold out for the world to have and to accept
we are not ever not in the circle
we are not ever cut off from the affect and effect of our words hands and intentionality
we just think we are at times and thus like the little child who puts on a blindfold and then thinks that no one sees them naked in the grass we believe that we do not stand in the center in the life that flows around and through us and thus sometimes we hide our actions because we do not want to have shame? or we do not want to let go of what appears to be easier the blindness of denial and yet even like the blindfolded child we are not ever not in the presence of the the present
I encourage myself yourself to drop the blindfold to stand in the presence of the present and to be
to accept if your way is mixed yet to accept if your intention is not always one that in fact would be understood if examined, yet like the turtle in the road and man who ran over her is part of the giveaway of the whole story.
we are vulnerable we are fragile we are in pain we are fearful that our lives will not come to the end or the present that we want unless we pick them up and shift them this way or that
between us is the everburning everpresent fire of creation and destruction between you and I is this center into it across the sphere of the circle is the gift of my life to the whole of all life into the fire I put what I have not with perfection but with an open heart and a heart that chooses to be awake to and present in my presence in your presence to you I may be northeast or south or southwest or even in this time rather than the one that was or will be it is all here now and
in all that nowness I AM YOU ARE WE BECOME and have done and will do no matter what becomes of the atoms that make up the suits that we wear it is in the center fire of this holding that I put my trust in the atoms that move within the clay of my day in the center that is between the east and west gate
yet the whole of which we are is still as I look out the window and see that the earth is still steady the grass still growing the clouds shaping, moving, traveling and visiting, the birds still working we are still in the net balance in a good way we are still here and it is still good
so when i consider myself and my actions rather than hide myself from the whole I relax into its arms accepting that it already holds me as I am and perhaps today I can share my vulnerabilities with that whole and take comfort and trust in the knowledge that it hold me as preciously as I can choose to hold my own day and thus I know that I am also holding your day in that preciousness
it is this idea of center and direction that is a gentle way of life
often the shift into and out of the everpresence is like a great slamming a great ah-ha moment whether up or down there are those who are addicted to the slam who consider the shift to be the indication that the everness exists and that we have entered it do not be addicted to the feeling do not look for the great up as what it may be a signal of is that you were in a great down is it not better to stand in the flow of the joy of life and to have it carry away the negativity like debris down the river or dissonant notes as the orchestra tunes up and the practiced begin to play? is it not more quickening to your lungs to have the oxygen flow in and out without your hands or efforts withholding then releasing its gift? would you not rather be able to breath with full gentleness and awareness and the simplicity of life flow through your cells so that you can engage with what that oxygen brings to you?
last week we talked about having the moment of the moment and how when we learn to taste anew each swallow of coffee, or water, or food in its self in its individualness how when we see each other as fresh moments never before being born when we strengthen this practice in ourselves then the need the addiction to the ah-ha or the better than good or the worse than before is lessened and we become filled with the joy that the cells of my lungs have everytime my breath enters my body everytime my heart pumps that oxygen on hemoglobin forward through my veins I am reborn again and again and again into the everpresent
so rumor has it that I am leaving who I was who began writing this blog this morning and I am here to confirm that by the time you read it the rumor will be true i will not only have left her but again and again over and over I will leave to have what I AM in all as I am still being washed clean by the river of life still building skills that will help me not only climb the steps to jade mountain but also run down them
start a rumor today be the center be the east be the west north or south your the best
love love love
mary
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