How are things going? we are a few weeks into the winter month of the new year. its a time where the winter light is changing.
it was a tough day this day for me so i worried about what was going on with all of you. I could clearly feel the energies in the ether that others were looking to drain the goodness or the sweetness out of those who are vulnerable I remember when I was that vulnerable one when I gave and gave all that I had all that was asked of me with no thought that there was a different way of giving one that was concurrent with receiving. giving is yes of course the way to live but not without thought or purpose not just to gain favor or win accolades or to serve the endless cup of an others helplessness which is in fact feeding our own ego today they were out there wanting the energy of my day the gates that were offered were the gates of pain loneliness and depression
the gate of pain came in the form of again the constant pain from the injuries sustained from my fall, I've been going to pt and it means that the next day I am even more sore than the day before today when i made my morning prayers I asked that my shoulder be helped so on my walk to the post office, I fell by accident just tripped and of course reached out with my left hand which jammed my shoulder and wrist again, I thought I was going to pass out from the pain but a few minutes later I was realizing that the fall had abruptly pushed my shoulder past a scar tissue restriction I had been unable to release so I have spent the remainder of the day working my shoulder taking it through range of motion exercises to use the release painful as that moment was to gain as much ground as I could forward forward to a workable limb I don't want to have to make all my advances in a painful way but I wont throw away the opportunity just because it hurt once it happened the hurt was already done no sense in trying to wish that away or cry because it happened the only present was to stay present
depression tried to take my energy and make me feel that taking time to rest and to go slow was in fact failure on my part to create or excel how interesting it was today that somewhere someone is wanting me or you or anyone to succumb to so much negativity to sicken and die somehow inside and feed the day this sickness
I held on to it enough to keep it held but not to take hold of it in me perhaps to trick it into starving in the snow and cold here so that it doesn't travel up north and west to the kids at Lame Deer
I think that praying for them is working I believe that asking that they be protected from the negativity is an active prayer and that in a way it makes us the target like the middle child distracting the angry parent from the younger ones so that they don't get harmed
taking the hit that's what today felt like relatives like you and I were taking the hit for the kids at Lame Deer
I wish you could have felt the intensity of the negativity that was trying so hard to consume them there in the night it was so greedy and so malicious and they are kids just kids
so relatives when despair or anger or fear or loneliness or pain or depression comes hold out your hand to the earth and ground that illusion that is trying to get you to feed it
hold out your hand to the earth or a tree touch and hold and breath it into that great heart that holds all of us don't grasp the negative don't make up a story in yourself that makes you the victim and me or someone else the perpetrator don't do it seeke the heart of what you miss
I miss you visiting calling writing
I miss being pain free and having arms and hands that work
I miss the green grass
be honest about the seed of the choice
then choose to heal
choose to simply hold and let go the negative into the great wood and earth that can bear it
let it flow and do not repeat or magnify or create more of it
for as long as it takes
love and light
shadow and song
laughter and water
mary
No comments:
Post a Comment