Greetings Relatives
Its approaching mid winter Everyday is a little bit harder than the day before its like climbing a mountain that imperceptibly gets steeper and steeper by the day.
Thank you for all the gifts of encouragment and prayer and money and herbs and electronic work from Eleanor and Evie hank you without it I think Id be in a much tougher spot so thank you very very much
my arms are really painful if I do repeptitive things so typing comes at a cost LOL
I got my bed made its so nice to have clean sheets today I was able to scoop the kitty box with just one hand that is a big I'mprovemtn! He is not super fond of the snow he keeps an eye on me during the day and at night who would think a kitty would be a fusser
everyday I think of GMa Margaret and Pauline and the folks a Lame Deer everyday I ask the spirits to watch over them and I do my best to let Pauline Know that I am there and that you are also Relatives watching in the night sky to see that the children are safe
this week my dog Wickett seems to know just when I am too tired or too unsure if It is worth getting up and she cries and cries and chirp barks at me until something changes in my head something in my brain pops open and I get tup just like that and go and see her she wants to give me love and to make sure that I know she is there always paying attention tohow I feel even from the kennel outside she can tell
I know that I am not the only one who struggles to get up I know that this will not be last time I will come face to face with the small heavy choice that tries to pin me down and yet is so quickly and so easily overthrown with that little burst of love showing up insistently refusing to be ignored. this is the darkness that Pauline talked about comes at night to Lame Deer and takes away the future of the children in the form of gambling and drinking and alcohol and hopelessness this is what she asked that we stand against with her. I only hope that if it is at my house then that means it has left hers. That would be something wouldnt it relatives. that would be worth falling down the stairs for.
everyday we must somehow roll back the darkness from which all light comes, we can help make sure like Wickett does for me, that each heart remember not its own sorrow or pain or its own fear but to be able to hear and feel and see each others value and worth in the faces and hands and voices that are around them. are you surrounded with love relatives ? can you feel it do you show it and give it every day?
people want to know sometimes why indians are susceptible to alcohol or depression or why did I fall down the stairs? or why is life hard
I dont know
but what I do know is that we I they are just as susceptible to love to care to laughter and a helpign hand that carries the trash out tot he street or lifts the groceries in the house
we are they are I am just as susceptible to a kind word or someone who helps us go for a walk and comes and scoops the dog poop or helps with folding clothes or brushing each others hair
we are susceptible to love relatives
we are just as willing to drown in joy as we are in pain
it just seems funny that alcohol is more available than love relatives
how many get togethers during this holiday season will be come over and exchange love and service parties? will you give your friends a glass of wine? or a coupon for a walk and tea? will you give them memories of thepast only ? or the commitment to come and help dust or clean up the yard? what kind of gift will you give relatives?
what will you feed the susceptible heart?
I got some homeopathic medications in the mail and some herbs and it took me two days to get the little tiny lids open and then to twist the little caps and carefully make the pills come out correctly so I did nt ruin them and could take them properly
I cried from the frustration from the laughter of it those tiny little caps and twisting dispensers the pain medications from the hospital had child proof lids LOL well they turned out to be broken arm and wrist proof for a while
but what did I do ? I held those little vials and cried and accepted the love the thoughtfulness that put together that care I accepted the intent and it kept me going till I could finally get them off and take the pills
if helping me got you to give something of your self continue it and give some more to those around you it is unfortunate that the house in the winter needs money to be finished so the heat is practical, but there is so much mor eot give and so many that it can be given to. can you do that can you give one thing or two a kind word open a door go to the laundry mat and fold clothes for others have a hair brushing party do something everyday and write me about it so I know that we got up together today and made this a little more accessible
lets drown each other in love today relatives
lets make sure that we touch each susceptible spot in ourselves and in each other with care and outloud thoughtfulness and help someone anyone in your house in your neighborhood at your groceriy store with something
give away some love today relatives give enough tha t it reaches me in pipestone and smothers those wonderful family memebers of ours in Lame Deer
my fingers have typed out all these keystrokes for you today no matter that it hurts no matter that it willtake me a cuple of hours to recover it is the best I can do to give back to you to tell you that I love you and that giving care to your susceptibleness is the most important part of my day
Toksa
mary
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